Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Is Coming

And my minor Advent miracle today is that the baby is sleeping in a crib. He sleeps quite a bit, actually, just usually only if he is on top of or immediately next to another person. I wasn't even trying to get him to sleep elsewhere today (since I've had such poor luck with that so far) --- I had just put him down in his favorite hanging-out spot while I used the restroom. And then noticed that it was staying oddly quiet. Woo-hoo! Although I am scheduled to meet my mother at the library in half an hour, and she has no cell phone...

I have been getting a fair bit of reading done, since that's one of the few things I can do while nursing and/or being slept on. First I read my book club selection for December, though I wasn't able to make it to the gathering. Then I got caught up with my magazines (although I have realized the New York Times is too cumbersome to attempt one-handed so have reluctantly relinquished my Sunday subscription for the time being). Since then I've had one fiction and one non-fiction book going at all times. Who knows? If I can keep from buying new books I may actually get through a sizable chunk of my unread shelf before I have to go back to work. I'm well aware that once I do return I will get very little reading for, oh, the next couple of years at least.

Of course, if he keeps up with this sleeping in a crib business I won't be reading as much either... maybe I can finally finish his quilt...

Blessings to all on this first day of Winter!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Some Things I Forgot Abut Having A Newborn

They are astonishingly uncoordinated. I forgot about the flailing heads and hands.

Their skin is the softest thing ever, especially on top of the head.

They sleep, a lot, but not when you necessarily want them to.

They are astonishingly funny, weird little faces and noises and eye glances and oddly timed smiles. "Champ" is rapidly becoming "The Squeaker".

And OMG, I forgot how huge my breasts would get. Not happy about that. I don't mind the softness of my belly or the roundness of my face postpartum, but these breasts are out of control. Mostly I try to avoid looking at them in the mirror. And sadly, while my belly and face will return (cross fingers) to normal relatively quickly, as long as I'm nursing I have to deal with the boobies. Ah well. I'm just happy that nursing is going better this time.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Scary Movie Month 2011 - Wrap Up

Well, I was going to break down the rest of our viewing into a couple of different posts, but frankly, I'm tired (and sick) and unsure of how much time I've got before Champ makes his way into the world (and a pretty big list of things to do before then, crossing my fingers).

Was Halloween really just last night? (Clearly I started this post a while ago.) We had saved "Something Wicked This Way Comes" to watch on Halloween, after having rented it last year and not gotten to it, but by the time we got Buddy inside from trick-or-treating and to bed, we were too pooped to pop. Just as well, since he then remained up for another 45 minutes. Singing. Loudly. Which is what I told him to do if he couldn't fall asleep, as it beats having him holler for us, but it definitely impacts our ability to concentrate on any kind of "serious" viewing. We watched past episodes of "Community" instead, and planned to put "SWTWC" first on our viewing list for next year, to make sure we actually watch it.

Other movies seen this year...

Prince of Darkness
(1987 - directed by John Carpenter)
Oh, scary, scary. It seems there's a lot of contention around this movie, just among John Carpenter fans --- folks who don't find it scary find it silly, and folks who do find it scary find it really scary. Whatever pushes your particular fear buttons, I suppose. I don't even have any real belief in an embodied Satan, but this one got under my skin. And I love the goofy-looking special effects, they are so pre-CGI and so funny looking and yet still manage to be deeply disturbing. Truly, John Carpenter is a master.

From Hell
(2001 - directed by Albert and Allen Hughes, starring Johnny Depp, from the Alan Moore comic)
Ahhh... I liked this, even when it got stupid at the end and kind of petered out. I liked seeing Johnny Depp in this, I liked seeing him with Robbie Coltrane, I liked the visuals and the editing. (I didn't like Heather Graham.) I liked the depiction of Victorian London (I didn't like the overly complex conspiracy stuff). But overall, not the most satisfying movie --- mostly made me want to see the new Sherlock Holmes one coming out next month, or to reread Gail Carriger's steampunk series.

Prom Night
(1980 - starring Jamie Lee Curtis)
1. Jamie Lee Curtis has a magnetism that shines through whatever dreck may surround her. 2. The last scenes are actually pretty cool. 3. Lots of McGuffins. 4. But basically a stupid movie.

Would I watch it again? Probably, especially if enough beer were involved.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(1974 - directed by Tobe Hooper)
I started having my doubts about this movie when, a hour or so before watching it, I found out there was a character named "Leatherface" who wears a mask of human skin. That is, that this character is featured enough to have both a name and a description.

My one consistent thought while watching was, "Why, with all the real atrocities happening in the world, am I watching this?"

It turned out the The Dude was also not enjoying himself, so we fast-forwarded (slowly) through the rest of movie, thereby avoiding the sound and the visceral sense of outrage, while still getting to find out what happened. Which had been our main goal in seeing it in the first place. But my question has also led to a decision for future Scary Movie Months: to add a category called "Real Life Horror." Not true crime, but movies (fiction) that deal with truly horrifying realities. Movies like "Hotel Rwanda". "Blood Diamonds". "Traffic." "The Whistleblower". All the movies that are about things I'm willing to read about and want to know more about, but that I can't usually make myself watch. If not during Scary Movie Month, then when?

The Day the Earth Stood Still
(1951 - directed by Robert Wise)
This ended up being our last movie for Scary Movie Month 2011, and I think I kind of knew it at the time, because as tired as I was, I made a super special effort to stay up and finish it. It helped that it's a short movie, and that it was interesting: an alien spaceship shows up to deliver the message that Earth needs to not extend its aggression against other planets (though if we feel like killing ourselves off that's perfectly fine, of course), otherwise, be prepared to face extermination ourselves. Message brought to us from a "peace-loving" federation of planets. Huh. There are some inconsistencies in the final arguments of the alien visitor, though, as he himself says, their particular mode of peace-making is imperfect. But obviously it got us thinking, about war, about peace-making, about whether any kind of superior robot (their police force) could actually be trusted to in the end decide for humans (see Isaac Asimov's "Robot" series and their laws of robotics). Some of the "futuristic" effects used in this movie, from 60 years ago, don't seem all that strange now, and the increasing abilities of robots make some of these questions more pertinent than one would think (or would like to think). So, a good movie to go out on.

So that's it for this year! We've so enjoyed the practice of watching movies we wouldn't have otherwise (because too scary or too intense or too difficult) that we're going to start a monthly "Classic Movie Night" --- one night each month to watch a "classic" (along the lines of "I can't believe you haven't seen this!"). I'm looking forward to putting together our list.

Any scary movies you've especially liked this year? Any classics you'd recommend?

Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary Movie Month 2011 - Part 3

Our third week of movie watching had no truly scary movies, but interesting, enjoyable, and fun movies with moments of hand-wringing, "eeks!", and marvelous shocks.

The Blob
(1958 - starring Steve McQueen)
I had never actually seen a Steve McQueen movie before this one, and I have to admit that this one didn't argue for watching more. Very odd to see actors clearly in their twenties playing teenagers. (I know this happens all the time, including some of my favorites, it was just especially jarring in this one.) Yet again, we talked all the way through --- the main topic of conversation this time (other than the usual predictions of how the terror was going to spread and how it could be stopped) was to note how this movie fits into the canon of late 50's movies that start to celebrate teenagers over adults. Now, of course, it seems most of our media does, but youth culture really got its start in the mid- and late-50's, and it is interesting (to film and music buffs like ourselves) to see some of the early examples of the shift.

Alice in Wonderland
(2010 - directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter)
My work friend with whom I talk about movies/comics/books asked why we included this when it is in no way a horror movie. Before watching I figured, well, pretty much anything that Tim Burton does is spooky in some way, and this is Scary Movie Month, after all, not Horror Movie Month. After viewing, I can say this definitely belonged, there are some really scary bits in it. Also some really interesting bits (it got us thinking about the roles available to women in Victorian England, for example), lots of beautiful ones, and of course it's always a treat to watch Helena Bonham Carter, I'm always fascinated by her performances and her ability to be so different in each. I found Johnny Depp's character to be really moving as well though I wouldn't say it was necessarily a big stretch for him (I thought his performance in "From Hell" (coming up soon) was better).

Arachnophobia
(1990 - starring Jeff Daniels and Harley Jane Koszak)
I don't have any problems with spiders, so this one didn't bother me as much as it did The Dude. First two thirds were kinda so-so and then the pace picked up and it got good and action-filled and fun. Another memorable cameo by John Goodman as well - he's always fun to watch.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Scary Movie Month 2011 - Part 2

The next week's movies were not as satisfying but still had some good moments. 

Once Bitten
(1985 - starring Lauren Hutton and Jim Carrey)
The movie started, and right away we knew it was going to be awful, stupid and aggravatingly 80's, with caricatures instead of characters.  Five minutes later we turned it off. Not worth anyone's time.

28 Weeks Later
(2007 - starring Jeremy Renner (sigh) and Rose Byrne)
Oh, so much better. Interesting, thrilling, scary, heartbreaking --- everything what you want in a scary movie. I did watch significant chunks of it with my head turned and my hands up before the screen so I couldn't see the most disgusting bits. A friend of mine at work laughs that I love scary movies but hate gore. On thinking about this, though, I've decided that I don't mind gore so much as I dislike seeing pain, either in the moment it's inflicted or as people are suffering from it. A bloody, disemboweled dead body lying in gore or a quick bloody death --- no problem. But ongoing suffering --- can't watch it. None of these so-called "torture porn" movies for me.

Friday the 13th 
(the original 1980 version)
Boring, ho-hum, thought I would fall asleep, only good for the opportunity to mock ("Who's going to die next?" "Oh, she just said/did something sexual, guess it's her turn.") because really, as a nearly middle-aged mom I have no patience for watching teenagers behaving badly --- and then, boom, totally got frightened silly. The Dude says it was worth sitting through it just for that, he kept plying me with sugar so that I would stay awake long enough for the big scare. It worked.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Scary Movie Month 2011 - Part 1

Well, while I haven't managed to stay on top of writing about Scary Movie Month, we've definitely been managing to stay on top of our viewing! (More impressively, I've managed to stay on top of baking for it, as we like our snacks for SMM, and I've been avoiding buying chocolate this year.)

Here's the first week's worth of movies.

The Frighteners
(1996 - directed by Peter Jackson, starring Michael J. Fox)
Enjoyed this while watching, but then five days later couldn't remember that I'd seen it. That either doesn't say good things about the movie, or should just be chalked up to late pregnancy. I'm inclined now to say the latter, as I've been talking about it with people about it since, and have found more and more that I enjoyed about it, though my main complaint remains the same (the romance is accelerated to an insane degree to forward the plot). Also an interesting movie to view given where it fits into the Peter Jackson catalog (between Heavenly Creatures and Lord of the Rings) - it's certainly more Hollywood and big budget than Heavenly Creatures but I never would have predicted his ability to do LOTR based on this movie.

Rear Window
(1954 - directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring James Stewart and Grace Kelly)
Not really scary, but filled out our Hitchcock viewing. Most of our discussion afterwards (and during - this was the year we talked through every single movie we saw...) centered around changing experiences of neighborhoods and neighbors, and changing expectations of marriage. This really isn't one to critique - it is a classic, after all.

The Mist
(2007 - from a Stephen King novella, with a disturbing performance by Marcia Gay Harden)
Oh, scary, scary, and so sad. I get sad just thinking about it. I don't think we did much talking during this one, except maybe to make predictions about who was going to die next. I do remember a couple of breaks for extra snacks/bathroom - probably to break the tension of all that scary sadness.

I hope to get caught up by the end of the week! Only eight more to go before this last weekend's worth.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

May Have Spoke Too Soon

So I went running today. Didn't mean to, wasn't planning on it, and really what I'm doing can hardly be called "running." More like "moving forward at a gait that is not exactly walking since at some point both feet are actually off the ground (barely)"...

I planned to go for a walk after dropping Buddy off, not long, since I had to be in at work early, but it's been so long since I had regular exercise that I was going a little stir-crazy. Put my headphones on, starting walking briskly. After about a half mile I thought, well, maybe I might try running for a block, epsecially since I was cutting things tight timewise as it was. Ran for a block. Walked a block. Ran for another block. Walked a block. Then thought I might try running two blocks and ended up going for three.. and from there I mostly ran the rest of the way back home, with some short walk breaks here and there. And would have loved to do more if I'd had the time...

During that last mile when I was mostly running, the George Michael "Freedom 90" song came up on my playlist and it just felt so dead-on. Because the thing is, even though I'm not especially fast (even when not pregnant), and even though I have to be careful about not running too many miles in a week (since this older body doesn't recover like it used to), nothing gives me the feeling that running does. When I run I feel free and strong and nothing, absolutely nothing, is the same at all. So yes, there are times when I run when it's probably not the wisest or best thing to be doing for myself at that time (like when sick, or have other things I should be doing), and I just don't care. I want to run.

There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be...
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me...

Take back your picture in a frame
Don't think that I'll be back again...
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it's got to be...

Monday, August 29, 2011

And the Running Is Done (For Now)

It's just too much effort at the moment. Unfortunately walking for longer periods of time hurts my back in a way that running didn't, and for some reason I've felt no urge to go swimming recently. (Probably just the effort of getting and out of a swimsuit. I may look into getting a maternity tankini, one that is actually meant for swimming, as opposed to the one I have from Target from my last pregnancy, which can't have been designed for actual physical activity. Which is why I've been trying to get myself into regular swimsuits, albeit in larger and larger sizes.)

Between work and family this month (and every year at this time, I am so glad August is almost done with) I haven't even been trying to fit in much exercise, but even regular activity is becoming more effortful. So, time to let go of the dream of running throughout my pregnancy, and instead find ways to make walking and swimming more palatable, if not as satisfying. In six months I'll be able to start up again, and hard as it is to believe, those six months will actually move by pretty quickly.

Sniff.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Elvis is Alive 5K 2011

Last Thursday I ran the Elvis is Alive 5K with my friend R. It was so much fun, and a great way to end my racing season (I'm still running, only no more events for the year). The Dude was right, even with this being a non-competitive, untimed event, I still pushed myself --- first, to run the whole thing without stopping, and then, in the last mile, to pick up the pace and keep it there. And of course, at the very end, to go all out. It is a good thing I let him talk me out of the half marathon I'd wanted to do this month.

R was the perfect running partner for this event. I always enjoy running with her, we run very comfortably together (talking the entire time). But in our previous races, I've been pacing her, just because of where we have been in our training at that particular moment. Making sure to keep an even pace, pushing the pace as I felt she could, checking in constantly to make sure she was still handling it, giving encouragement. And not concerning myself with my time or pace. I get great pleasure and satisfaction out of pacing people in races, so for me it's just a different race experience, not a diminished one.

This time she paced me, doing all those same things. And it absolutely made the race for me. I would have finished without her there, I'm sure, but not with the same pleasure of pushing myself and then the satisfaction of knowing I had. I mean, running is kind of uncomfortable these days, even when it's going well. That whole needing to pee the entire time thing, for one. And I know I was more comfortable pushing myself knowing that she would be with me the entire time and looking out for me, making sure I wasn't overdoing it. I know The Dude had been relieved to know she would be with me for this event, since he knew he couldn't talk me out of it (having already talked me out of the aforementioned half).

And then the party afterwards! I should have mentioned that there were folks dressed up as Elvis everywhere, a treat just on its own. They had an Elvis impersonator providing the music, our recovery fare was beer, watermelon, frozen chocolate-dipped bananas and peanut butter banana sandwiches (plus the usual water, pretzels, and Gatorade), and the whole thing took place on a grassy, tree-lined hill, with the moon and sailboats on one side of us, and the city stretching up on the other. I love living in Chicago!

And now I can set racing aside for myself for the year, and completely set my race focus on supporting The Dude as he gets ready for the Chicago Marathon. Plus maybe a little scheming over my race calendar for next year.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sewing in the Sunshine

Had a very 19th-century moment earlier today. Buddy and I went outside so he could dig in the dirt and I brought my mending with me (patches on his pants)... not only did I get to sit outside in the shade working on my own thing while he played but I actually finished the last two pairs... this has been sitting on my project table since we last had cool weather. I had a sudden moment of realizing, not intellectually, but viscerally, that the reason why 19th-century literature and film portrayals of it so often depict women with their handwork is that the only way it can get done, is to always be doing it. I'm fortunate in that sewing by hand is a choice, not a necessity, for me. Still, it made me feel very cinematic today.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Yes, I Take My Moral Compass From Rock 'n' Roll

Some unexpected inspiration from the Gospel of Freddy Mercury...

and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
(children of the streets)
and love dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves...

               --- from "Under Pressure" by Queen

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Oh Yeah, Pregnant

I give up. I finally give up. I've been struggling so hard during this pregnancy to maintain the things I'm used to doing, albeit in modified form --- things like making my cards and writing regularly here and watching movies with The Dude on weekends and oh, making plans to do other things --- and I just can't do it. I am so tired. I remember being tired the last time but back then all my time was my time so it didn't matter if I just ended up doing less --- now much of my time is actually toddler time and the little bits that I can make for myself I just want to keep for myself. To have my quiet study time in the morning, and get some kind of workout in before work, to read on the train and then again for a bit before bed. To watch a sitcom or documentary on DVD with The Dude (the thought of an actual movie seems too much right now). Well, and to read as much as possible. Normally winter is my reading season but right now it's really all I want to do.

There are some projects I want to get done before this baby comes --- mostly scrapbooking stuff that I know if I don't do now will end up waiting another 3-4 years (plus I need the space currently taken up by boxes of cards/photos). And of course there's any number of baby preparations that need to be done. I don't know how these things will happen given our schedules in the next few months but I can't worry about that right now. Oh and of course I've now entered into the busy months at work...

This does not inspire hope for the months after Sweet Pea's birth. Sigh.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Some Questions I Have Been Pondering

One of the most influential books I have read this year (or started, rather, I haven't finished it yet) is Mark Labberton's "The Dangerous Act of Loving Your Neighbor: Seeing Others Through the Eyes of Jesus". I've been working my way through it since shortly before Lent as a way of grounding and strengthening my commitment to address child abuse and related injustice, particularly the more brutal aspects of it, since I was finding that it was very easy to want to close my eyes again, and I didn't want to do that.

The book is set up as a series of short essays and reflective questions around the themes of paying attention, seeing, naming, and acting. It's slow going on my part, but it's definitely been illuminating. Here are some of the questions that I've found particularly meaningful.

How does your life's momentum affect your capacity for empathy: entering into the lives and needs of others, especially those who have no tie or evident benefit to you? Notice today or this week the time and energy you devote to engage with the needs of others. What does empathy cost you? (p. 46)

What moments or circumstances expose your distance, fear, rejection, anger, prejudice, or dislike of "they"? Why do these responses seem natural and justified? What experiences or voices in your life have contributed to that? (p. 51)

Do you invest energy daily in avoiding problems or pain? What does this lead you to see in your heart? Who is someone you know who does a good job of stepping towards the needs of others? (p. 53)

Sight is how you see. Vision is how you see and your interpretation of what you see. What factors most significantly affect your vision of people around you? Of people in need? Of global suffering? Of individuals who are victims or violence and oppression? (p. 78)

I expect it will take me the rest of the year to work my way through this book but I am grateful to have found it.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Answering a Question I Don't Know How to Ask

...We will go before God to be judged, and God will ask:
“Where are your wounds?”
We will answer, “We have no wounds.”
God will ask: “Was there nothing worth fighting for?”
--- Rev. Allan Aubrey Boesak, South Africa

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Must. Always. Stretch. After. Running.

Had a hard run this morning, I was in a hurry after my Monday run and didn't stretch that day --- it didn't seem to affect me in my regular activities or in my swim, but boy did I notice today. About 5 minutes in my right quad (thigh muscle) felt tight, hard even, and painful, and I had to keep stopping, walking a bit, and then starting up again. I tried running slower, I tried switching to the other side of the street (don't laugh, those of you who don't run, the slope of the sidewalk can make a difference with these things), and it wasn't until I got about a mile and a half in that I thought to stretch. Problem solved. I made sure to stretch my trouble spots when I got home, for sure.

The other thing I have to watch out for these days... peeing. Namely, that going too fast, or going too vigorously downhill, sets off a need to pee that is unignorable, and I'm typically able to ignore such things (when running). I've been running routes that bring me by decent public restrooms, though the last few weeks I've only had to make use of them during the first half of my run, then I'm fine. But no, today I had to take one descent a little too quickly... luckily I knew my yoga place was open that early and they kindly let me come in and use the facilities. I have to remember, speed is beside the point these days, it's just about going the distance (and enjoying myself in the process).

Sweet Pea is beginning to add commentary to my activities... kick, kick, kick, just like Buddy... but why right before bed?

Monday, June 20, 2011

Expanding Boundaries

Today I like this article, on why black men should be feminists (written by a black man).

My reading about exploitation of youth/children has led me to read more deeply about 18-19th century slavery and the civil rights movement, so I would say, much like the author eventually came to see how oppression of women affects him, I'm also coming to a deeper understanding of racism and how it perpetuates itself in ways I wouldn't have thought were specifically "racist". All these forms of injustice tie together --- we come the larger question of human injustice through our own personal touchpoints.

Thanks to Blue Milk for posting the article.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Oh, Yeah

So, another reason why I haven't written so much over the last few months is that I'm pregnant. And frankly, the first couple of months sucked. And even once I started to feel better, about a month ago, it was still too early to feel comfortable telling people.

Obviously that's no longer the case.

I've kept running throughout, though not without a lot of changes. No more speedwork, for one. Long runs now have me stopping every two miles for a water and walk break. Recovery takes a lot more time, so I'm not doing quite as many long or hard runs as I'd like. And in the last week or so I've started needed to pee --- badly, painfully --- within 10 minutes of starting my run, even if I hit the facilities just before hitting the sidewalks. Dragsville, I tell you.

(Swimming has actually been even more frustrating, but that's a post for another day.)

I mention it now because I actually am running a major event tomorrow, the Soldier Field 10M, and at this point it's ridiculous to write about a race without including that essential piece of information. I do have a friend I am running it with, much to The Dude's relief, and a sensible plan. (Oh, and I've run my current running practice past my nurse-midwife, and she gives it the thumbs-up, as long as I make sure to STAY HYDRATED.) I had hopes of being able to pick up the pace at mile 6 if I was feeling spry, but I've been staying up way too late the last couple of nights reading, so I'm not currently optimistic about that part of my plan. Oh well. Strictly speaking, since I've never run this distance in a race before, whatever I do will be a PR. But really I just wanted the opportunity to keep training for something significant. That and the finishers medal, of course. I don't see why The Dude should get all the race day fun this year, just because I am bearing our second child.

And then, because I was "enjoying" my long runs in preparation for this event, I decided I wanted to keep training through the summer and do some fundraising to boot. So I am planning to run the Chicago Rock n Roll Half Marathon in August while raising money for Girls On The Run again, along with The Night Ministry. I'm actually holding off on registering for the race (since it's horribly expensive) until the last possible moment, just in case it becomes abundantly clear that it's not a good idea to attempt it --- I have, however, made my fundraising pledges already and am now committed to raising a set amount of funds. I'm trying to think of some good incentives to offer people --- I am open to suggestions.

Wish me luck tomorrow!

Messy, Messy

Today I like:

"If you are messy right now, too, give yourself some grace. The mess might mean that we are actually going deep enough to elicit growth."
                    ~ from Kristin Armstrong's blog "Mile Markers"

Monday, May 23, 2011

More Hot Times Ahead

Today I do NOT like this:

An article in the New York Times about significant warming (and increasing precipitation) trends in Chicago.

Ugh.

It's embarrassing to admit that my second thought (after realizing I am just going to have to get used to running in heat and humidity) is that now I have even more impetus to shed some extra pounds and tone my upper arms (I believe I currently own one sleeveless shirt). Vanity, thy name is Anne.

On the other hand, Go Chicago! for looking ahead and starting to make necessary changes now.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Hurts So Good

Today was my first run over 10 miles this year. It almost didn't happen --- I had it set in my head that I would be able to stop to pee somewhere in the first four miles --- after the FIFTH stop failed me (all gas stations or storefront chain restaurants, since all the McDonald's were on the other sides of busy streets) I got so frustrated I just stopped and walked for a while. The stupid thing too is that I could easily have held out for a while longer, I just had it in my head that I'd be able to stop more or less when I wanted to. But it was a great day for a long run and I had no morning meetings and I just wanted to do it. So in went the earbuds (thank you, "Doug Loves Movies"!). Ahead was a Walgreens where I've stopped successfully before. And from there it was smooth sailing for the rest of the run. (Well, the last 2 miles hurt, but, you know, in that "I will make it through because I am an effing rock star!" kind of way.)

And then a fresh sesame bagel with chive cream cheese when I got home, plus the first ice bath of the year. Thanks to the latest issue of Vanity Fair for getting me through that one!

Now, of course, I just want more...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hot Times, Summer in the City

Well, the temperature has dropped back down to a more seasonable 50 degrees, but this past week we had a string of 85 degree days (with humidity, of course) that had us all cursing global warming thinking summer. More specifically in my case, thinking about running in the summer, in the heat and humidity, because while I really dislike both, summer is too effing long in Chicago to stay indoors. So I figure I need to not only get used to it, but even find a way to embrace it. Or at least give it the good old college try.

What I did... Ran slowly. Looked for routes that I know have shade and breezes. Brought electrolyte water with me and on runs longer than an hour, made sure I stopped every two miles to walk and have a drink. Made a point of looking around more and using the time to listen to music, notice what flowers were blooming, and even try to enjoy the feel of hot air on my skin. Slowed way down every time I thought I might be inching towards overheating until I felt more comfortable again. I haven't done any speedwork for a while and that I will just save for the gym and air conditioning.

And it worked, I enjoyed my runs this week, and I'm feeling more comfortable with the idea of running through the summer (I had some hard times last year from being too wedded to a certain pace without taking weather conditions into account).

(And I love that my freckles are coming back, I don't feel quite the same without my freckles.)

All the same, I'm very grateful that it'll be 50 and breezy tomorrow as I set off on my last long run before the Soldier Field 10M at the end of the month.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Make My Day!

Today I like:

Going to a doctor, having her listen to my heart and ask me if I'm a runner --- "You have a runner's heart."

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day

I couldn't get to the computer yesterday, but wanted still to send my prayers out to all mothers who struggle to mother:

in poverty
in war
with violence at home
with addiction / mental illness / health concerns - their own or their children's
in isolation
with conflicting ideas of what it means to be a mother

and to all the children whose mothers aren't able to mother them as well as all children should be mothered,

and to all people who step in to mother when mothers can not.

I am so blessed as a mother --- my cup runneth over.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

And the Reading of Inspiring Books

Home sick. The kind of sick where what I'm supposed to do is sleep, sleep, sleep, and maybe do some light lounging around, reading fluff magazines. Only I don't like sleeping during the day. And I don't like reading fluff. So I've taken my morning nap and am now lounging around reading somewhat more substantive matter, just not in any focused way.

The last few weeks have been mostly study, personal study and reflection (Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck and The Dangerous Act of Loving Your Neighbor by Mark Labberton). Nothing I can really write about here, I'm nowhere near coming to any conclusions or particular actions. Just moving in that way, which is enough.

And then reading inspiring books, mostly memoirs, sort of a collection of modern-day "Lives of the Saints." Three Cups of Tea (though I've also downloaded the Jon Krakauer expose on Greg Mortenson and will get to that soon*), Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder (about Dr. Paul Farmer), The Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day, Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn, Take This Bread by Sara Miles. And then, because I don't only read non-fiction, the marvelous (though difficult) The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery.

Feeling sleepy... I may just lie down on the couch and see what happens... no pressure...

*Note added 4/20: Wow! Just finished reading the Krakauer piece and it's clear that there are a lot of problems with how Greg Mortensen portrays himself in his books (and public appearances) --- not so inspiring anymore, more disappointing. Boo-hoo.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

How to Steal Like / Live Like / BE an Artist

Great essay here: "How to Steal Like an Artist." And not just for artisty folks, either. I think it's for anyone who sees themselves as actively creating their own life.

Thanks, Austin!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Workshop in Progress - April 6

Well, the woman who was hosting the online quilting group "Workshop in Progress" had to take a break for a while (my prayers for you and your family, Cheryl), and I hadn't been posting for a while on it even before that. But I've finally finished one project - whew! - and thought I'd share it here.

So finally, The Dude's amp cover.
All made from old pairs of pants, even the edging.

And in its natural habitat.
Had a sticky moment close to the end of the project when I realized that it only just fit and could end up being difficult to take on and off, not so good for the end of a long rock-and-beer-fueled night. But once I put the final edging on it that was less of a problem.

Here is also one of my Christmas projects --- I could only share it now because the last one only got mailed out today. (No, not because I hadn't finished, just, you know, because.) These are made out of felt and are approximately six inches long, in a variety of colors.
 
  

Then I also finished another of my card projects, but I can't show that until they are all written and sent, which may be another week (or two) or so.

I'm mending a pair of Buddy's trousers at the moment, but once that's done I should be able to go back to working on my small quilt, which, after a six or more week hiatus, I'm very eager to do. Even though I'm still one Christmas present past due...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Oh Yeah! (More Self-Care Ideas)

How could I forget to mention listening to as much Michael Franti as humanly possible?

"Hey hey hey
No matter how life is today
There's just one thing that I got to say
I won't let another moment slip away.
I hold on."
       --- "Hey Hey Hey," The Sound of Sunshine

On a Lighter Note

Here's a picture of my cute kid.


I love this picture because 1) he looks a lot like I did growing up, and usually I just see The Dude in him, not me, and because 2) he just looks so freaking confident. When I know that he was nearly out of his mind with excitement (not only are fire trucks one of his favorite things in the world but he also got to SIT in it). I am so very proud of him.

Plus I made yummy blueberry muffins this weekend. Still no progress on any of my sewing projects, though!

Nope, Not Going to Write About It

No, I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to write about what I've been studying the last few weeks* because it's just too sad. It's one thing to need to talk about this stuff for work, and still another if I end up finding a way to work on these issues through my own church, but this is my own personal blog where I write about fun things, like running and baking and my cute kid. Not things that make me angry, or that horrify me, or that make me mourn.

But what I can write about is what I am doing to try to sustain myself as I continue to study and try to figure out what actions I can/should take. And for me it comes back to a need to deepen my faith life. So going regularly to my church** and letting the liturgy and readings ready sink into me (I'm so grateful we have found a church that prioritizes outreach). Committing to a program of prayer and theological study during Lent. And finding ways to weave myself more thoroughly into our faith community, so that I'm never in danger of thinking that I'm alone.

And giving myself permission to be quiet, myself, and to seek out silence around me.

*Child sexual exploitation, global and domestic trafficking.
** Not where I work, which is a great place, but not the right place for me to attend.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

No Race This Weekend

So, I'm not running the St. Paddy's 8K this weekend after all. I didn't feel like changing my workouts to get myself into racing form, and I don't have any emotional connection to this event that would make me want to do it as a fun run instead. I also didn't want to give over any part of a precious open weekend as next month will have some pretty intense ones. Plus, they had the UGLIEST SHIRT EVER.

Just not feeling it.

That's okay, I have some other truly fun runs in my sights, and I've been enjoying my running, though I probably won't be writing about it much for a while. I've been studying and reflecting on some serious matters for a few weeks and trying to figure out how to bring some of that here --- that will probably be my focus for a while. More questions than anything else, I imagine. Questions are good.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Running Trumps Art

My birthday is this week, and as a gift to myself I am running/swimming six of those days. (So excited!)

And, to support that, heading to bed at 9:00 every night.

I guess running and the things I do to support my running (swimming, yoga, sleep, eating well) trump art for me. Last year, when I planned time for myself this week I thought I'd use it to paint. And I have been working on my projects and expect to do more on them this week as well... but, really, it's all about the running. And I've been seeing that over the past two months anyway. Just... interesting.

But also that making things is essential too, in a different way. To borrow from Ntozake Shange, "art as necessary as collards, running even in our dreams."*

*Borrowed liberally from Ntozake Shange's Ellington Was Not A Street ("politics as necessary as collards / music even in our dreams"). Read this!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Good Stuff for a Sad Tuesday

Today I like this.

And this.

...if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life.
from H. Norman Wright, "Experiencing Grief"

And this.
Yesterday at the Field Museum.
Apparently, "Rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.

Rawr!

Sad Today

Have been learning about child sexual exploitation and doing more work with your garden variety, run-of-the-mill child abuse, so I keep having moments where I look at Buddy and get overwhelmed with sadness about the children who are not safe in the world.

And then remembering him say, "I sorry, Mommy," when prompted, after actually doing something wrong, and thinking of children saying the same thing who haven't, but feel they must say it, say something.

One of The Dude's friends had a stillbirth yesterday.

And I have my period, so aside from the swing in hormones which is probably at least in part responsible for my tears, that also means I'm not pregnant. And we didn't even really want to be, not yet, but...

I was going to go swimming this morning but I think a run is the only thing that will help me negotiate the day with some calm.

Prayers to all who suffer this day. Thanks for all we've been blessed with.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Notes on a Wet Week

I ran 5 times in the past eight days, and every single time I had to set my shoes out afterwards to dry.

First, all the snow from our blizzard melted --- rapidly --- and sidewalks turned into lakes. The first few days of this the walks were still lined with treacherous ice banks. Through the puddles I went.

Next, the ice on the sides melted, only to leave behind shoe-grabbing mud and I didn't want to think about what else. Through the puddles I went.

Finally, many (not all) of the puddles cleared. So I went out yesterday for a nice 7+ mile run... in the rain. Freezing rain. No music even, just me, getting wet (again), grinning like a fool, thinking big thoughts.

God, I love to run.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Workshop in Progress - Feb. 16

I'm taking a couple of weeks off from working on my quilt (though not from thinking about it) to finally make the amp cover I promised The Dude, way back last summer. Way back before I was sewing on any regular basis and so was completely unrealistic in my estimates of how long it might take me or how complicated it might be.

So, the amp measures 11x18x24", with a handle on top that I'll need to accomodate. My initial plan was to make columns of horizontal stripes, using the jeans/pants materials that you see cut into strips above, and then line it with the t-shirt material at the top and quilt the whole thing.

After all the previous discussion about using knits I've decided to forego the lining/quilting for this project and instead embellish the completed cover with embroidery. And in the process of sewing the strips together I decided I actually like the look of rows of vertical stripes better instead. I also realized that I didn't have enough material so ended up slicing up another pair of misfitting pants (the darker brown below) and will incorporate that into the rows as well. Below you see smaller blocks of stripes --- I'll combine them into different-sized rows, depending on the width needed.
I was planning to edge the bottom and the handle opening with the brown ribbon, but now that I've added in another brown fabric I'm thinking I might switch to a navy blue ribbon for edging instead.

Feeling very happy about the progress I made yesterday. I can see that I didn't cut all the strips on the same grain, something I want to pay more attention to in the future (I did start paying more attention to that towards the end). But this is not something that is ever likely to get washed so I'm not going to worry much about that right now. Looking forward to assembling everything over the next week and then doing some embroidery.

Friday, February 11, 2011

What a Gift

I've been looking at the online blogs for Hand/Eye and Spirit Cloth for a while now, and today I was directed to an article about using fabric for healing with children that just took my breath away. What a gift --- from the therapist to the children, from the artists to the therapist, and then to us to see what could be.

Stirs up all kinds of things in me...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Other Races

Not that I'm trying to be coy about what races I'm training for this year, but... I don't quite know myself. I'm trying to not be so intense about racing this year, and just train for the heck of it. My focus right now seems to be more on recovery and weight loss and building up my base. Plus, I want to leave myself room to be in a more, ahem, delicate condition, and not worry about how any such changes may affect racing plans... So no signing up for races months in advance this year.

But I've been upping my mileage (slowly) and my overall number of workouts, and am swimming steadily again, plus fitting in more yoga and strength training, so overall I feel pretty good about where I'm at and where I'm going, even if I don't have any amazing progress to report. Trying to practice balance in all things...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Races I Am Not Running

The Dude signed up for the Chicago Marathon today.

I am so happy and excited for him.

I wish I were too.

I am very grateful that my pleasure in his training for it is not diminished by my sadness that I am not. Especially since the one is a direct cause of the other. Evidently I have grown (some) in maturity along with years.

I am also not signed up for the Wrigley Start Early 10K, and I am sad about that too, though for an unexpected reason. I was looking forward to having that be my fundraising event for the year, and now that I am not doing it I feel oddly bereft (it's on Easter weekend this year and we expect to be traveling).

Well.

There are all kinds of good reasons beyond scheduling to not run the marathon this year --- I do very much want to spend the year building up my base and getting more experience in racing mid-distance events. And now that I know how important it is to me to have a fundraising event I will keep my eyes open for another one. So all will be well...

But for today, big sigh.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Six Miles

Oh, how I've missed you. This is the distance at which I feel I am finally ready to begin something, the distance at which I actually feel confident in saying, yes, I am a runner. A nice easy six miles on a lazy Sunday, an intense six miles worth of intervals at the track or on the treadmill, a busy six miles for work days when I just have to do a little more but don't really have the time for it. And of course the wonderful six miles plus in a 10K --- long enough to feel worth investing time and money in a race, but short enough to not make too big a production out of it (or short enough to bust my gut on, should I feel so inclined).

I took my six today slowly, slowly, staying on main roads near bus routes in case I had misjudged this returning fitness thing. I ran it with a small pack so that I could end at the grocery store and library --- we have a major storm coming up and I don't expect to be able to run errands during the week. And since I had the day off (worked Saturday) I ran it knowing I could spend as much time stretching afterward as I might need to, as much time in a hot shower as I wanted, and as much time lolling around the apartment feeling absolutely glorious from having run my six miles. And I did, I did.

Blessed be the six-mile run, for you are perfect in all your many forms.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Studio Space

Oh, I dream about having a room of my own --- or at least a significant chunk of space where I can lay projects out and leave them there for a while.

In the meantime, some photos from the space I currently work in, which is a corner of our main room.


Actually, I'm blessed by good afternoon light, and a nice stretch of floor and our eating table to lay things out on when I'm working on them. I just have to always, always, put everything away again.

The center table is my "office" space, so I don't use that much for projects. Maybe not the best layout, now that I think about it, though of course all this has kind of just grown up and around my middle desk as I've been doing more with my hands. We plan to do a major re-org of our two front rooms soon, so these are good things for me to think about. 

And while I'm wishing, a bit of wall space would be nice too!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Ow, Ow, Ow

Hmmm, did something to my ribs and shoulder and now everything hurts. I don't remember being hugged by a bear. Decided to forego the gym and weights this morning and went for a run instead, hoping that once I warmed up I would feel fine. Nope --- anything deeper than a shallow breath hurts. Well, at least that kept me running as slowly as I should be right now. Best guess is that this is actually very delayed pain from my aggressive weight-lifting on Sunday, maybe made worse by the cold and an always-growing young imp.

It's been disheartening to see how slow I am right now, and how short my runs are. One would not believe that I'd run so much last year. So I'd hoped to do four miles today, my old route. But I changed things up to avoid running in the park (probably still icy), and in the end my USATF route tracker had me at 3.88 miles. Hrumpf. I also noticed that my ITB was a bit louder than it's been when running on the treadmill, even at higher speeds, so I think I need to keep all speedwork to the gym right now, and just slog out my long runs slowly. And be more compliant with my treatment plan (that is, actually follow one).

I did miss the pool today, a swim would have been just the thing for my poor upper body I think (slow steady stretching and letting the water massage me), but I need a new suit first.

Well, at least I'm running, and I got to run outside, and I have other options at the gym as well, now just down the street from me and with working machines. Keeping on.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Apologies and Insecurities

Half of me wants to go back and delete everything I've written here about art and not post again until I feel halfway proficient at something.

I look at my past work (mostly painting and drawing) and think, "How did I do that? No, really, how?" Such a mystery, how one mark against another resolves itself into something more.

And now I find myself mostly wanting to work in fabric --- quilting, embroidery, perhaps painting and printing too. A whole new world to feel insecure in.

Well, hopefully that last bit of self-pity is out now. One last spurt of "pardon-my-hubris-for-thinking-of-sharing-anything-at-all-and-go-gentle-on-me" before I participate in an online quilt group and start posting some of my other work.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

What I've Been Doing (And Reading, And Thinking)

So what have I been doing over the last couple of months? Making gifts for people, mostly. Beaded bracelets (still in process),  card sets of quilt designs, and lots and lots of felt bird ornaments in different color combinations. And I still owe my husband a cover for his amp. (And photos, here, just waiting for time and good light to coincide.)

I do most of my sewing on the train, and the movement of my hand combined with the movement of the train and of the cityscape going by lends itself nicely to thinking...

about the question of "modern" quilting (this post is what really got me started on this), and how the word "modern" applied to painting has a pretty precise meaning which, despite my art history major, I don't know all that much about, which then sent me to the library...

and then my reading about the lives of artists has given me a better sense of the movements they were part of than any of my textbooks ever did, which makes me want to learn more...

but reading those lives shows me how little work I've actually done in my life and how ill-prepared I've been at any time to even contemplate trying to make a go of it professionally, either as an artist or off the arts.

Disheartening, yes. But at least now I've finally started, and while I don't have five hours a day to devote to becoming the next Gabrielle Münter, for example, I can spend five hours a week becoming the next me. (Oh, cheesy, I know, but still true.)

Recently read:
Leavened with memoirs and urban fantasy.

And currently on my reading table:
And then many more goodies on my to-read shelf, thanks to Christmas presents and my own year-end book buying.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

La, La, La!

It's been eight weeks since I ran without ITB pain.
It's been 5 weeks since I worked out in any form (not counting the literal running around and schlepping I've been doing for work). It's also been 5 weeks since I did any yoga.

I am stiff, I am slow, and I am sick (so out of breath), but today I went out and ran 3 miles (with walk breaks) and had no pain.

Hoorah!

So what have I been up to in the last eight weeks? Lots of work, lots of family, some being sick. Lots of sewing and other gift-making. Lots of thinking about how I want to use my time. Lots of reading about goal-setting and personal finance on the one hand, and modern art and quilting on the other.

I've identified some goals for the next year and I'll be writing about them soon, but for now I'm so happy to be back --- on my feet and online.

Happy New Year!