- Be brave.
- Sleep more.
- Respect my limits.
For all the vitriol I know people experience there, in my little corner of the Twitterverse I see a lot of encouragement. About a lot of things, but right now I'm thinking of the encouragement I've seen about being one's full self. About being brave. About self-care, knowing one's limits and keeping them safe.
Which has made me think about some of mine. So here's one of them.
I have a hand tremor, have had it since high school. I don't think of it as a disability, but in truth it has shaped me and changed life choices and limits what I can do.
(One early example: the doctor who saw me back then joked about it being a good thing I wasn't planning on being a surgeon. He didn't know me. He didn't know that. He didn't know I'd been planning for years to be a vet.
Now, given the reason I'd noticed the tremor in the first place was because I had to have my lab partners do the measuring in chem class, he wasn't exactly wrong... But.
Also, pretty sure he wouldn't have made this comment so quickly if I'd been a boy. 1988 and all.
I joked about this incident for years without realizing how much it had hurt and how much it shaped how I think about myself in relation to the shaking.)
It poses physical challenges sometimes - I'll just find there's something I can't do.
It's painful sometimes - when it's especially bad I'll notice the muscles of my arms are trying to control it and then they ache. (Doesn't work anyway.)
It impacts decisions I make. It's gotten worse as I get older and I have other issues with my hands as well, so I anticipate a time when... well. Let's just say I've prioritized what's important for me to be able to do by hand, and let go of some activities I used to enjoy. And have started paying attention to certain commercials on MeTV.
On a day-to-day basis it's mostly background noise (getting louder over time). Looking back though I can see myriad things I have done over the years to accommodate it. And when I pay attention I see myself doing a half dozen little things in the course of a day without noticing.
So, as part of being brave and setting limits, I am starting to be more open about it. Declining to do things I know I can't do without difficulty, and asking for help when I need it.
Without apology, or letting myself feel less for it.
It's a new place for me. And one (here's where I get schmoopy) I wouldn't have gotten to without being on Twitter. So thanks.
Having too many feels to think of anything clever,
Annie
I never noticed any tremor when we hung out on a regular basis. Much later, you mentioned it in a letter, and how it helped you decide you were not going to be a vet.
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