It's Been A Tough Week

I'm so glad to get to the end of this week.

Quick reminder: I did NaNo last year all by hand, and have spent the last three months transcribing those pages, researching, and editing - but I've had no new material (on that book at least). So I was excited to jump back in over my birthday mini-vacation... but no. And then not in the days after. I couldn't even get myself to try. Convinced I had nothing to offer and nothing I've written is in the direction I want to take it in anymore...

So this week I made myself start again. Just write something. Anything. For fifteen minutes at a time, that's all. I could do that, right?

Oh. my. God. So painful. It reminded me that writing truly is a muscle, one that has atrophied over the last three months, just as my running endurance has. But I made myself go on, moving pen over page. Dry, dull, though at least I ended each session knowing what was coming next... a series of sticky notes the breadcrumbs to get me started the next day. But nothing interesting or useful for a few days.

And then? Maybe a little glimmer of something interesting? Maybe only a marsh-light but still more than I had? I'll keep following it and see where I end up. But oh so daunting after having felt so sure of this in the fall.

And I need to read more of what I aspire to in my writing. Lately it's been a lot of escapist stuff (end of winter, y'all). I'm okay with that but it's not where my own writing lies.

My movement towards writing was interrupted a few days by a doozy of a migraine. Typically I get auras, maybe some pain - that's not too bad as I get older and especially not if I take something right at the start of the aura, and then a period of impaired thinking for a while after. Nothing horrible, I just can't focus well or think as easily or quickly as I'm used to. If it's a really bad one I might have some numbness around my mouth, but that hasn't happened in a while. Air pressure and hormones are the usual triggers for me, sometimes light. But seriously, my migraines are not usually a big disrupter in my life.

But Monday. Woah. Almost as soon as I woke up the aura was on me and I could tell it was going to be serious. I didn't realize it would be so trippy. Memories, memories of dreams, memories within dreams, random sense impressions all colliding together, even as I was getting myself and the kids dressed and moving towards school. As if my brain was bifurcated and all that was happening on a second level. I could focus on what needed doing immediately, but only that - no planning, thinking ahead, decision making. The kids were asking questions (and both talking at once, as usual) and I had to let them know I wasn't going to be able to explain anything to them or answer anything not relating to right in front of me, right now. Got them to school (did not drive, we took the train), and then came home to cancel phone meetings and let my boss know I would not be coming in, then spent the rest of the day on the couch reading - if I was going to be in an alternate head space I wanted it to at least be a cohesive world something one created, rather than the fragments of mine I was experiencing and didn't know if I could trust.

Things mostly cleared by mid-afternoon but I was wiped out by then and still not certain of my thinking. I went into work the next day but only lasted a couple of hours before another aura started and I headed back home, though it was nothing near as painful or strange as the day before. And the rest of the week has been trying to recover from all that, going to bed earlier, drinking more water, trying to eat well. I'm still feeling a little fragile though not horribly so.

I don't know what triggered this - it's been maybe twenty years since I've had a migraine this bad. But I'm not counting out the news that exploded in the queer romance world.

It's been awful. I suspect the majority of readers of this blog know nothing about this and I'm not going to try to explain. The rest of you either know all about it or are Russian bots, based on my stats. But it's just been... ugh. Vile behavior from an author exposed, which then led to the exposure of awful behavior from an editor and a publisher - all of whom had power in this corner of the writing world, the corner I consider home.

I have no skin in this - I'm just a little fangirl over on the sidelines who dreamed of maybe someday submitting something to that publisher because they were the first queer romance press I encountered back when I was all *starry eyed* THIS EXISTS?! Since then I'd heard enough murmurs about that publisher and encountered enough other presses to be over my hero-worship but it still feels rotten to see what's been exposed (and what's been unleashed afterwards as people find out and react all over the place). All the more so because an author I truly admire and had some exchanges with was at the center of exposing things, and my heart hurts for him and everyone else who has been hurt by Riptide and Sarah Lyons and the people going by the name Santino Hassell.

Some good is coming from this, thankfully, I've seen more lifting up of authors of color in the past week than before and there have been some amazing outpourings of generosity and effort across Romancelandia to the authors affected by all this, but... ugh. Shit shouldn't have had to happen for growth to occur.

But hey! Aren't our teenagers amazing! (Speaking of something else that shouldn't have had to happen...)

Sad and tired and wanting to put my arms around the world,
Annie

My Money Matters (On Patreon & Being A Small Pledger)

Patreon announced new fees this week and has a lot of people (including me) pissed off.* You can complain to them about the new fee structure here.

For those of you who don't know what Patreon is, it's an online platform by which artists can receive funding directly from their fans. Here's more info on them (via Wikipedia). All of the creators I pledge to are writers.

I spend an absurd amount of money on books. New, used, and now e-books too. But I don't know the publishing industry well enough to know how much is going to authors (not much, I know that at least, and nothing for anything I buy used). And I also know that those funds are not steady.

It's made me really happy to find a way to support some authors directly. Even though my pledges have all been at the $1/month level (until recently), I know it makes a difference. And pledging at that level has allowed me to support more authors.

I work at a large liberal church and a big part of my work each year is running donation drives: hygiene kits for disaster assistance, school supplies for our summer students, Christmas gifts for our tutoring students. From talking with donors and my own experience as a donor, it's important to me that everyone be able to contribute as they can and would like to. I sometimes get grumblings about this from new volunteers - it's not efficient, it's not economical, etc. But these drives are part of the life of the church, of that particular community. People need to feel they have something to contribute, that they are a valued part of that community. That what they give makes a difference.

We all do.

And from my end, every contribution does make a difference. Dollars add up fast when you have enough people giving. One women's group I work with has a weekly collection of their "least coins". Trust me, when I'm dragging a sack of coins twice a year to accounting, those least coins are not so little!

Reading Patreon's new few structure, in light of my own experience with asking for donations, tells me my little pledges don't matter to them. That I'm not who they want giving.

I hope that's not the message they want to send. I know it's not the message creators want them to be sending.

For myself, I've dropped out of a couple of pledges (to organizations rather than individuals). I've upped my pledges to everyone else, both because I can swallow the per-pledge fee more comfortably if it's a smaller percentage of the whole, and because I know creators are losing pledges over this. And I've resigned myself to spending more overall this way - I was going to say I'll just buy one less book each month but I think we all know that's unlikely. Maybe a few less coffees instead. And I'll be more cautious about adding any new ones.

And yes, I have registered my complaint.

Sending love to all authors and those who support them,
Annie

*Word now is that Patreon is doing this as a way to freeze out creators that they feel aren't "successful" enough to represent them. What a dick move. I'll stay on it to support those authors I love, but if/as they start migrating to other platforms I'll follow them.

Changing Skies

The light is changing.

On my way back home yesterday morning the sky was a deep periwinkle blue, instead of its recent heavy Prussian.

And if it hadn't been cloudy I might even have been able to see flashes of pink or orange, reflected on clouds or the undersides of gulls' wings.

It cheers me to think I may someday soon be able to finish my run in time with the sunrise, to watch the clouds change as I pass under, to see the sun flashing on the river, to go through the park freely.

The world turns and spring is coming. I know we may have two more months of snow (or possibly just rain, ice, and mud), but spring is on its way.

Which is good to remember, because right now winter is here.

Bleakly,
Annie

Clouds Ahead

The weather's about to change and I'm in a bad mood. The kids are too. Something about the barometer falling, I don't know... I have to keep reminding myself to be patient - with myself too. And to give everything extra time and to go with the flow as much as I can. This is hard... it feels like one of those days where all the things that need to be done grate up against what I'd rather be doing instead.

D's in the same place, all he wants is to do is curl up with Harry Potter (like, upside down under the coffee table - he contorts himself into the oddest positions when he's reading) - and instead all we're doing is making him go to camp. G just wants to stay home with me, period. Can't say I blame them, I have a Neil Gaiman book I'm in the middle of, myself...

Waiting for the sky to clear,
Annie

Talk About Lemonade

It was earlier this week, and I had not had a good night's sleep, after several nights already of too-short sleep. Bad news at The Dude's work and too much noise in the neighborhood. I woke up feeling grim, and went about the morning routines grimly. Coffee, kids' lunches, breakfast.

And then G came downstairs, much earlier than I expect to see him, trotting down the hall in his Captain America footie pajamas and beaming at me. "I love you, Mama!" he sang out, and I swooped him up and was given a face full of kisses. The sun broke through, briefly.

The day continued with a morning full of mishaps, all stupid little things that together had me wondering at my bad luck and needing to walk away from my desk before I blew up. Not a day for buying lottery tickets. Well, anyway, things got resolved, or at least resolved enough to keep going and I put in Beyonce's "Lemonade" which I had bought two days before and not yet listened to. An explosion of light in my ears and I kept it on all day, its effect kind of like a face full of kisses when you're just expecting rain.

Back to sunshine,
Annie

What's Been Going On In Running

What's been going on is more of the same as last fall.

To recap: In September I came back from my trip to Germany, ready for my last month of marathon training, to find that running had suddenly become hard. Like, really hard. As in, four miles suddenly seemed as if it was too much. I did not know how I was going to run 26.2 in six weeks time.

I wasn't sick, I wasn't feeling impaired in any other way, I just couldn't run. Not fast, and not far without a lot of effort.

I figured I had been overtraining - I had been hitting some pretty high mileage - so I cut way back for a couple of weeks until running felt comfortable again to me, and then slowly resumed a moderate running schedule. I pretty much stopped training at this point, I just wanted to feel that I had enough miles on my legs that I could cover the distance, but not push myself so much that I flamed out again and couldn't run at all.

And I got to the starting line, and I crossed the finish line, and that was my 2015 Chicago Marathon.

Afterwards I cut way back on my running, just doing enough to feel I was doing something. And then between being sick and the holidays and being sick again and not wanting to get up early and go out running in the dark I didn't run very much at all in January. But I assumed that when I started again I would have no trouble getting back into a comfortable routine.

Only that didn't happen. February came and went and March came and went and April came and I couldn't get any consistency at all. Some of it was scheduling - the usual interruptions of work and kids. Some of it was still having trouble getting up early enough yet having no other time to run than early morning. But even when I was running I couldn't know from day to day how it was going to feel, and it took a lot longer to recover from longer/harder runs than in the past, so I couldn't count on one day's good run meaning that things were better. I had races on my calendar - including a 10-miler in four weeks - and would try to plan a training schedule for them, and then I'd have a string of poor runs and know I wasn't going to be able to maintain that schedule.

I knew I had gained weight over the winter and the year before so that made a difference, but that shouldn't have been all of it - even with the extra weight I'm still lighter now than I have been most of my adult life. And overall I was just generally feeling run down - still needing more sleep, catching more colds than usual and having them affect me more, somewhat achy, just not feeling right.

Finally I went to my doctor (for another couple of issues altogether) and in the visit mentioned that I had been feeling run down for the past eight months or so. She sent me off for a whole slew of lab work - mostly for the other things and it felt as if she were just tossing extra tests in there because, well, why not, I was already having blood drawn. But they came back showing a vitamin D deficiency.

So-o-o... for the past three weeks I've been taking a weekly mega-dose of vitamin D. And I have to say that I'm feeling better in small ways. I'm not as achy. I'm waking earlier in the morning and feeling more alert when I wake. I've been enjoying my runs more and not feeling that I'm laboring as much with them, though I'm still slow. A tickle in my throat here and there but nothing that's moved into being a full cold. And I've felt more able to start re-incorporating yoga and strength training into my routine, albeit in teeny tiny doses. Anything is better than the nothing I'd been doing.

I'm sure the increased sunlight has been helping. I'm sure the sugar fast I've been on has been helping too. But I gotta say, I'm feeling grateful for that little blue capsule I take on Sundays.

Grateful too for health insurance,
Annie

Spring Forward

The thrill of getting up early to go see the sun rising over the river isn't quite as exciting when the sun is no longer rising that early.

It was still pretty, though.

A Wee Update

My doctor called me Saturday to give me the news: partial tear of one of the tendons of the rotator cuff. And then, on learning that my appointment with the orthopedic specialist wasn't until later in the month, offered to get a referral started for physical therapy.

I have promised The Dude that however my shoulder feels in two weeks I will still follow up on all my referrals. I am mostly pain-free most of the time now, but when I move it in the wrong way - whoa. I've gotten pretty good at not moving it the wrong way but sometimes I forget and sometimes I just get taken by surprise. (And today's damp weather has me crying again.)

I don't need to share with you all the drama in my head over the last ten days about this. Especially since my three big worries have been mitigated:

1. Will I be able to garden? Yes, carefully.
2. Can I still go running? Yes, carefully. (And some exciting news on that soon!)
3. How will the kids handle my being injured? Ah, now...

That's been an interesting one to watch. The first day - when they saw me shocked out of breath by the pain, not once but several times - they were very solicitous and gentle with me. The next morning, they came downstairs and asked if I was still hurt. On learning that I was, they both came up with ailments of their own, and have continued, on-and-off since then, to reference these ailments ("my foot hurts", "my knee hurts", etc.).

Other than that D is mostly handling it in stride now... but G, well, his routines have been messed with. In particular, the routine whereby I am willing to carry him downstairs in the morning and then back upstairs at night, since I'm not willing to carry him around the rest of the day. The Dude for some reason is not always an acceptable substitute, although G is hanging out with him more now, as I am clearly damaged goods. (Which has also led to the observation that "Gosh, G can be really demanding." Why, yes, he can, and yes, he has been going easy on you all this time.) Anyways, he now asks when getting up in the morning or before going to bed if I am still hurt, and then the negotiations begin. (Will holding my hand on the stairs be enough, do we need to bring in Daddy, or maybe he just needs to sit on the stairs and throw a fit about all this. I have thrown my own share of fits about this in the last week so I can sympathize.)

We did hit on an acceptable substitute last night - I can carry him piggy-back without any pain - and so his world is once again set aright. Of course, being G, he has tried to push this - now I'll carry him on my back all the time, right? Not a chance, kid.

Oh, and how I did this? Vanity, sheer vanity... it was probably from sloppy weight lifting. I had known I wasn't being careful enough and had even stopped a couple of particular exercises the week before, but I guess that wasn't soon enough. Really, I'm 43 years old. Strong is enough - I don't need to be buff as well.

Chastened,
Annie

Sometimes No News Is Not Good News

But not necessarily bad, either. I've just been really busy, at work in particular (I usually write my posts on my lunch break) but also at home.

Unfortunately, I do also have bad news, for me at least, as far as my training goes. I've done something serious to my shoulder, I don't know what yet, and that, coupled with the last two weeks of interrupted running, means I don't have a chance of seriously training for the race I had just signed up for (right before things got so busy).

Not happy. (Plus in pain.) I will endeavor to forget I signed up for it at all until next month and then see where I'm at - emotionally, not physically. These days I don't have much interest in running races just for the sake of running them, but I also hate to have spent money on something I won't do.

This was the only race I was serious about for this year, too, so double bummer. And my training had been going well...

Discouraged,
Anne

Winter Workouts

My workouts at the beginning of this month:

• Shoveling snow;
• Pushing / pulling / dragging Goo in the stroller over unshoveled sidewalks;
• Wrestling Goo into his snowsuit and boots;
• Shivering on the train platform.

What have I not been able to make myself do on a regular basis? Get up early and do my strength training and boxing in the basement. Baby, it's cold down there!

The two weeks both before and after Christmas - so four weeks total - were not good ones for me physically. Stress and upset routines led to poor eating and minimal physical activity. By the time I returned to work I felt as if I was just returning from a long illness. And then the extreme cold last week and its impact on our schedules (school closings) kept me from picking up my workouts again, either boxing or running. At the beginning of this week I felt as if I was going to have to come back slowly and carefully if I wanted to avoid getting injured.

Which, as it turns out, is a good thing, as I've been neglecting a few things in my life and need to make time for them. It's a lot easier to fit in other things if I'm starting my workouts from zero! Much harder to be going full-pace the way I was (and loved doing) and then have to "give up" some of that.

That said, I do want to build my strength-training and boxing back up (I plan to cut back on running), and that will be hard since I don't have any external motivators for those right now. But that's about where I was last summer when I stopped taking classes, so I can look at my training logs to see how I did it then. But the real challenge is in finding ways to get myself out of bed in the morning and then downstairs. I'll figure it out, though. Slow and steady... slow and steady.

Grateful for warmer weather,
Annie

Least Favorite Thing?

Making phone calls.

Especially business-y ones.

So my job for today?

Calling prospective attorneys to find one for our house purchase.

And I kinda need to complete this today because the clock has started ticking on the contract.

Bleah.

I cheated a bit, I emailed everyone on my list first with the spiel our realtor gave us to use. So far that's netted me one conversation and one "not taking on new clients at this time" return email. So that's good, that's two off my list of six.

I'll give it another hour and then start calling the rest directly.

Sigh.

Do you have a least favorite thing?

Anxiously,
Annie

Two Steps Forward...

After seeing some real improvement last week I was feeling hopeful that I might be able to run (a very little bit) soon. Maybe even run my 5k at the end of the month, instead of walking it?

Then yesterday came. I did a longer workout at the gym, which in itself didn't seem to be a problem. But then I spent another 5 miles on my feet running around town - visiting a homebound friend, taking Goo to the doctor, random errands. And in particular, dashing for a bus, lots and lots of stairs, dashing for another bus with the stroller... By the end of the day my leg was screaming at me. And it's still unhappy today. Nothing to do but reset that mental countdown.

So it goes. At least we don't have snow!

Grateful for pool and gym memberships -
Annie

November Randomness (How Is It Already November 18?!)

Thursday was an absolutely beautiful day for a long run, simply gorgeous, the best I'm likely to have until spring.

Too bad I got the kids' cold and it worked itself into my chest. No long run for me. Tea and restorative yoga instead.

I would be more sanguine about it if I hadn't had this run on the books for a couple of weeks now, and if I weren't doing a virtual half in ten days time. Well... oh well. I can trust that I can pull 13.1 miles out of me next Saturday (slowly) IF I respect where I am now and don't try to do too much. Regardless of how beautiful the weather is. Grumble, grumble, grouse.

(Written three days ago now, the cold is mostly gone. Plus it should be sunny - though COLD - for my half on Saturday.)

***************

Awesome workout this morning, the kind that makes me feel like a rock star all day. Triple punch at the gym: rowing, cycling, and running. Felt great, wanted to do more (I had kept the times really short). I love those days.

***************

But it's a sunny day today, and so I'm doing good. This time of year (October - December) is really hard for me. And it always takes me a while to put two and two together as to why I'm feeling low. Or rather, why my lows feel so very low.

Thankfully I think I figured it out a bit earlier this year and can start on the self-care: making sure I get some exercise every day, making sure I get some drawing/painting time every day too, being careful around sweets and alcohol. Being gentle with myself (most important). And indulging myself in anything that gives me pleasure: novels, movies, music, relaxing with my kids.

That's probably part of why Scary Movie Month means so much to me each year (movies, extra time with my husband, yummy treats, fun stuff with the kids). Something to keep in mind for the future.

Forty-one years old and still learning about myself.

****************

I had noticed that my reading had shifted, from my usual art theory/history and theology, to novels and memoirs and running books. A good one I just finished: The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern. And I'm currently reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz and Blasphemy by Sherman Alexie (short stories). And there are plenty around the house to keep me busy through the winter, plus the ones requested through the library.

***************

Any good books you'd recommend? Any good movies?

Yours in quiet exuberance,
Annie

That Half (Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken)

Getting the recap out of the way, 'cause it's a crazy week and I want to move on to other things.

Good news: I had a good strategy and executed it well.

Bad news: The course/event was poorly organized and in the end I don't trust the results. (Won't go into a lot of details but I think the course was short based on my Garmin and the reports of others around me. Or if not short then something went wrong with all the turns out there. Plus lots of other little things.)

Lesson learned: Stick to events I know will be well organized (Fleet Feet or the major Chicago races or word of mouth) or if I'm doing it just for fun.

It was a beautiful day. It was close enough to walk to so by the time I got there I was completely warmed up and ready to go. I took the first third conservatively, eased up to goal pace for the middle third, and then went faster in the last third, especially in the last mile and again in the last quarter mile. I felt good but definitely left it all on the course, which also felt good. Their results aside, I shaved at least a couple of minutes off my previous half. I used my race vest with bladder and felt like I was getting adequate nutrition/hydration throughout. My plan of walk breaks every mile seemed to help with the heat - I definitely got hot but never felt close to overheating, and was able to skip a couple of the walk breaks towards the end.

I wanted to report on something I experienced at the end of the race, in the last third. I worked those first nine miles, I felt very conscious of the effort I was putting out there to move up to pace and then try to stay at pace. And of wanting to slow down and not doing it. (Except mile 8, I seem to always slow down in mile 8. Plus I needed to retie my shoes, which I never need to do. Three times to get it right!)

And then I hit the ninth mile and started to fly. It just felt... effortless. Beautiful. Heavenly. Wow.

Very grateful.

I walked the two miles home which meant a total of 17 miles on my feet that morning, which makes me just that little more confident about the marathon now only 8 1/2 weeks away. But only a little bit. Mostly I think, am I crazy? Or wish that I could properly race it instead of enduring it, but I'm not that good and am not willing to put in the effort to become that good, I've got other things I'm working on.

So why do another marathon?

I guess, as someone in my online running group wrote, for the adventure of it.

And maybe, just maybe, another taste of that wow.

Itty Bitty Race Recap

I'll start with a photo which may say it all.

Near the end... a grimace, not a smile.

It was horribly hot (though not as humid as recently around here).

When setting goals, and therefore my initial pace, I failed to take two things into account.

1. While I had trained to cover this distance I had not been training to race it, this race was just tucked into my marathon training. (Yes, these distinctions do make a difference.)
2. The temperature at 6:30 a.m. was not the same as at 7:35, approximately halfway through.

The last five miles were brutal for me. And while friends congratulated me on finishing as well as I did, I know that I could have done better, by starting off more conservatively and taking more walk breaks to compensate for the increasing heat.

By finishing better I don't mean faster, though I'd certainly take that too. I mean stronger, enjoying myself more, able to feel that in the last miles I was actually racing, as opposed to just trying to run (not walk) as much as possible and keep from overheating.

Ah well. I promptly signed up for a second half, in August (when it may well be hotter and more humid). I've made adjustments to my hydration/nutrition system which seem to be working out well. (No more heavy bottles on my chest - I have graduated into full runner geek mode and now have a bladder for my race vest.) I have adjusted my training to better prepare for this next one and also rethought how I'm going about the marathon. I feel good.

I do love this distance. It is long enough to be challenging, to require strategy, to have to be smart about it, but I don't really worry about my ability to finish it. Even if I do have to stop and walk more than I'd like sometimes.

One very cool thing that happened: After the finish a young woman tapped me on the shoulder and told me that she'd been following me the entire time, I had set a very steady pace and it helped her. I don't know what she'd been doing those last five miles - perhaps walking as well? - but it was a real kindness of her to tell me that.

Bring on the miles!

Random Thoughts Before The Chicago Half

I hate tapering. Even though my taper for this half is short, I still feel all thrown off, mostly with food.

And I feel like I have been pushing pushing pushing on a number of things this summer and I am worn out. Two is more work than one (despite what my friends told me - liars). The outline of my life may not have changed much with having a second child, but there is a lot more packed into that space.

Thankfully in the last week I/we have stepped back a little bit from some of that pushing and have a more relaxed timeframe for some of the things I/we want to accomplish. Nothing like going away for a bit to put things into perspective.

Went to the Milwaukee Art Museum last weekend with the whole family. (Happy sigh.) I love that museum, and I love that museum campus. And I love being there with The Dude, and now, with Buddy and Goob as well. While it would have been nice to have been able to take in more of the exhibits, for now I will take what I can get.

I have been frustrated to realize that this little race, that I just signed up for on a whim four weeks ago, is having a more significant impact on my training for November than I had anticipated. And this week I am feeling run down, with strange twinges that suggest overwork. I think after Sunday I will take a two-week running break and stick to swimming and the gym for a while. I really want to be able to attack November's race and I won't be able to if I continue to feel so run down, or worse, hurt myself.

But as the week goes on  I start to feel more excited about Sunday!

Weird Week

It's been hot. Really hot. I'm in taper and that's always a little crazy-making. I've been working at home (no air conditioning) because of some unexpected work in my office and I hate working at home. The heat makes the baby cranky. The heat makes the boy cranky. The heat makes me cranky. I leave it to The Dude to decide if he's cranky.

But... things are edging back to normal. It's gotten cooler as the week has gone on and it should even be temperate for my race. I went to family yoga last night (first half just parents, second half with kids) and for my intention I had "equilibrium in confusion", and I've been feeling more grounded ever since. Next week I'm back in the office and then to Ohio for a week and the idea of both are making me very happy. And I have a race in three days!

Life is indeed good.

Jealous Again

Of my twenty-something friends who have their lives together in a way I could not have even dreamt of when I was twenty-something... (and who presumably will be more accomplished at 40 than I feel).

Of my boss's 9-year-old daughter who is already quite an accomplished and creative seamstress. Or rather, I'm envious of the opportunities she has to pursue her projects. (I was forced to give away my proudest sewing creations when I was young. And yes, I am still bitter.)

Of women with babies who sleep easily and who are allowed to nurse uninterrupted.

I suppose that's it, really. But they have sat heavy on me in past weeks.

More Hot Times Ahead

Today I do NOT like this:

An article in the New York Times about significant warming (and increasing precipitation) trends in Chicago.

Ugh.

It's embarrassing to admit that my second thought (after realizing I am just going to have to get used to running in heat and humidity) is that now I have even more impetus to shed some extra pounds and tone my upper arms (I believe I currently own one sleeveless shirt). Vanity, thy name is Anne.

On the other hand, Go Chicago! for looking ahead and starting to make necessary changes now.

Ow, Ow, Ow

Hmmm, did something to my ribs and shoulder and now everything hurts. I don't remember being hugged by a bear. Decided to forego the gym and weights this morning and went for a run instead, hoping that once I warmed up I would feel fine. Nope --- anything deeper than a shallow breath hurts. Well, at least that kept me running as slowly as I should be right now. Best guess is that this is actually very delayed pain from my aggressive weight-lifting on Sunday, maybe made worse by the cold and an always-growing young imp.

It's been disheartening to see how slow I am right now, and how short my runs are. One would not believe that I'd run so much last year. So I'd hoped to do four miles today, my old route. But I changed things up to avoid running in the park (probably still icy), and in the end my USATF route tracker had me at 3.88 miles. Hrumpf. I also noticed that my ITB was a bit louder than it's been when running on the treadmill, even at higher speeds, so I think I need to keep all speedwork to the gym right now, and just slog out my long runs slowly. And be more compliant with my treatment plan (that is, actually follow one).

I did miss the pool today, a swim would have been just the thing for my poor upper body I think (slow steady stretching and letting the water massage me), but I need a new suit first.

Well, at least I'm running, and I got to run outside, and I have other options at the gym as well, now just down the street from me and with working machines. Keeping on.