Showing posts with label inspire me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspire me. Show all posts

Monday, November 25, 2019

Catching Scents

Ah, we've entered into the dark months, always a hard time for me. (I appreciate these months, but they're hard.) I came across this piece from about 20 years ago, about the end of winter and thought I'd share it.


I’ve been catching scents: crossing the parking lot at school when suddenly I smell the mud, just briefly, and then it’s gone again. I know that mud, I know that smell, I think, it’s the late winter smell that comes after several days of thawing, the ground soft underfoot, water coming up as you press the earth down. It comes with the sideways sweep of wind on your arms until suddenly you know, without knowing how, that maybe you won’t need to wear a sweater tomorrow, and you start watching the trees for budding. I look for the moss, delicate sharp flowerlets of bright green, no larger than a thumbtack. The grass is still brown, the soil looks dead, but bending closer under the cover of withered grass is the moss: luxurious, rampant, abundant, if oh so tiny. From here on in I know that spring is coming, even if it snows again. I live in this world, I am embedded in this world, I am the world, and even if I forget it sometimes the truth remains because, see, there’s a whiff of mud suddenly as I cross the parking lot at school.
            I hear the birds so clearly now. I woke up this morning thinking kids were playing on the street and it was the birds: loud, joking, calling their good-mornings to the sky and to each other.
            I went for a walk today through town, up by all the older houses and the cemetery. I was going along, in my own head, when I was struck by a rosebush in front of me. How else can I say it: the sight of the tangled branches, the thorns, the dried rose-hips stopped me as surely as if I’d been hit. All the many shades of brown in the new stems, now gray, lined, no longer thorned but weathered, crisp; the delicacy of the rose-hips purple-red-brown and tough, their hard shiny surface surrounded with a lace of leftover leaves. These had lasted the winter, the storms and the wind, the carelessness of people passing no longer looking now that the roses were gone. The roses told me: stop, and, slow down, and I did, I did, in time to see the tree limb weaving the air into being for me, in time to watch the rippling of water beneath my feet. I stopped and looked below the grate and saw the coursing of water two feet below me. There is water beneath my feet! I stood and listened to the water flowing by, on its own way, water tumbling over itself and joined by more and more water winding its way down the streets to the grate, to… I realized I didn’t know where the water went to after that. I left this for another day and continued walking, but before I had even gone five feet I was stopped by another call of water falling, running. Two grates! one on each side of the street, and I stood there and listened to the water running on both sides of me, running down, running down from everywhere, and now I could hear the plink, plink of water dripping onto slate below a tree and the faster fall of water in the gutters and drainpipes along the houses. Everywhere was water, water, and I stood in the middle of it all and listened.


Cheers -
SA

Friday, March 23, 2018

Some Good Short Things

Thought it might be time for some positive things, all short...

I've been running in the mornings again! Very short, and I have NO endurance, but even to want to get up early and run is a big deal. And oh, I love watching the sky at this time - when it's clear it's the most beautiful deep iris that slowly lightens - when it's cloudy might be even better, I love watching the clouds move across the sky, lighter streaks of blue across the dark that then catch the sun as it rises.

I've been reading some amazing short stories this winter - I'll do a list at some point with links and all - both speculative and romance. It's been hugely inspiring and has made my fingers itch - I have some ideas I want to explore that don't fit in any of the novels currently living in my head (plus right now I'm back in research mode but not writing is making me cranky).

One short grumble: After going several months of wondering why I wasn't falling asleep as well as I was used to I lined up dates and realized this had started at the same time as I started reading ebooks. Silly me, I've been careful with the kids about no screen time right before bed, and I don't get on the computer at night, but I didn't think about my tablet being a screen. So this week I've been trying out only reading print before bed and I've been sleeping better. Only problem - when the hell am I am supposed to get to those books that demand reading straight through?

Then a quick skim of the music in my head this morning:

Allen Toussaint - Brickyard Blues

Bomba Estéreo - Soy Yo


I missed Bomba Estéreo at Ruido Fest last year, but am planning to go this year - the lineup was just announced, with Panteón Rococó, Ana Tijoux, Kinky, Combo Chimbita just a few of the acts I want to see - so I am clearing my calendar for that weekend and putting together my pennies.

What's giving you life this week?
Annie

Monday, December 4, 2017

NaNo, Now What?

I did this NaNo thing last month, 50,000+ words when previously I'd never managed more than 12,000 in that time.

Even starting the month I didn't think I would be able to, but then I switched to writing by hand, which you'd think would take longer, but 1) I write pretty fast by hand (not that anyone but me can read my writing when I'm going that fast, and all the personal shorthand doesn't help), 2) I can take it anywhere with me, and 3) I don't edit as I go, which I do when composing by keyboard. I do all my other writing this way, I don't know why I'd gotten into the habit of something different for my fiction.

Plus I got connected with some other writer types - through the Chicago NaNo Facebook group, through Twitter, through emails with the all of two people I know in real life who write fiction - and that gave me inspiration to keep trying as well.

But even so I was amazed at what happened over the course of the month. I've heard NaNo described as a gym for writers and that was what happened for me. My sit-my-butt-in-one-place-and-just-write muscles got stronger. Like, ten times their size. And I wasn't as worried about being able to "come up with something good" either. Hell, it didn't matter. I just had to come up with something - and I got better at doing that too - time and editing will sort out what's good and what isn't, and what has the germ of something good but needs a lot more work to let it flower.

Since I've been working on this novel for over a year (NaNo was a way for me to jumpstart the total rewrite I needed to do thanks to a change in POV and some pesky paranormal stuff that demanded to be made more prominent - thus necessitating total change in backstory and plot details as well, thank you oh so much), I do actually have an idea of what happens in this story overall. So I know, for example, that I'm two scenes away from the end of Act 1 at this point and that I'm probably a third of the way through the whole thing. That is, a lot more writing still to be done.

My secondary goal for the month was to finish the first act, so after taking a few days off to just not think about it, I plan to keep going at a somewhat more moderate pace until I've done that. Then start the process of typing in all those lovely handwritten pages and I'll be editing on the fly as I do that.

And then another push for act two, and then another for act three... I want to finish this first draft by the end of my birthday month, four months from now. And I know there are plenty of people who would say however long it takes is fine... but no. I have more stories to tell. (Already thinking about next year's NaNo...)

But I can't say strongly enough how huge it was for me to "win" NaNo. Kind of thinking of myself as a real writer now... And I don't want to lose that, no way, no how.

I may have to be a complete dork and put up my winner's certificate where I can see it every day.

What it feels like to want something so much,
Annie


Friday, May 6, 2016

Learning

I've been studying poetry earnestly since sometime last fall, reading as much as I can across a variety of styles and cultures.

I haven't had much formal education in poetry. I remember reading Ted Hughes, Robert Frost, John Donne, and of course Shakespeare in high school. In college I took a course in 18th century American literature which introduced me to Emily Dickinson. At some point I started reading the Austrian poet Erich Fried.

Somehow while in college I managed to get on the editorial board of a literary journal, The Siren, and so for a couple of years I was reading what my classmates were writing (and had a couple of poems published myself).

And then after college I remember frequenting an independent feminist/LGBT library in Washington, D.C. where I found some African-American women poets: Nikki Giovanni, June Jordan, and Becky Birtha.

Over the years I've kept a binder of poems I've come across that spoke to me - by poets I've named above, and a hodgepodge of others.

I used to feel limited by my lack of formal literary education, but lately - as I've been filling in the gaps (and the internet is great for this) - I've been grateful. It means all my reading is framed through the questions I have about the poems, and not what anyone thinks I ought to know about them. Most of my questions are very basic: What do I like in this poem? What don't I like? Why? And then, what else might be going on around the circumstances of writing this - historically, culturally, personally? What might this poem be responding to? And always with an eye to my own writing.

I'm lucky also to be in Chicago with the excellent Poetry Foundation just a few blocks from me at work. I've been going to their monthly Library Book Club sessions, which allows me to explore a manuscript in some depth, occasionally to hear from the author in person, and to be among other people who are thinking hard about poetry as well. The first time I went I was so excited to be part of an actual serious discussion about literature I could barely contain myself - so different from any of the book groups I've tried to be part of in the past. After a couple of sessions I can now manage to not be overwhelmed with my enthusiasm. And of course their website is a treasure trove of information.

I know my study is paying off when I can read poems and have a sense of what I might do differently, when I can look at an old poem of mine and see not only its shortcomings but also how I might make it better. And I am beginning to feel that I am developing my own voice.

I do not feel adequate to much of what I want to say, but as I study and write I trust I am becoming more so.

Ever curious, ever learning,
Annie

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Recent Readings

Winter comes and along with it a desire to read comic books. Graphic novels, I suppose I could say, since what I'm reading is solidly bound and available in all your finer bookstores and libraries. But really, they're comic books.

Rereading an old classic, the Sandman series by Neil Gaiman:
We have some of the volumes in the original editions,
but I'm filling in our collection with this new reprinting.
And I've discovered what I think will be a new classic, Saga, by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples:
He also wrote Y: The Last Man, which we also have. 
The boys are used to plundering The Dude's collection; he has an extensive collection of both the classic and new renditions of familiar characters (Batman, Superman, The X-Men, Legion of Superheros, etc., etc.). I think he's set aside certain volumes he doesn't want them stumbling on. My collection, however, is pretty much only stories I don't want them stumbling on. Of course, D was so intrigued just to see me reading a comic book that I suspect he'll do his damnedest to get his hands on them. Perhaps a locked bookshelf?

It hasn't been all comic books this season, I've had a rich fiction run as well.

I'm continuing in my quest to read everything by Haruki Murakami: After the Quake, Hear the Wind Sing, and Pinball 1973 are the ones I finished this fall and I'm currently reading Kafka on the Shore. I had vaguely been trying to read them in order but I think I've given that up.

I've found a new author whose works I'm so in love with I will probably also try to read them all, poetry and prose: Chris Abani. He's given a couple of TED talks and here is one of them. I then discovered that he's currently teaching at Northwestern University, just north of Chicago in Evanston, which made me think that maybe he'll give some lectures in the city sometime; sure enough, he's speaking at the main library in April and I've already extracted a promise from the family that I can take that day off to go listen and then stand in line for a very long time to have a book signed. The question of course is which book? I own a number of them now and have read Song for Night (a novella) and Sanctificum (poems).

In the middle of my scary movie/book month I also read Ta'Nehisi Coates Between the World and Me. I think this is pretty much required reading for any white person in the United States. That is, of course, if you actually want to be part of making things better in the world rather than just coasting by.

Oh, and I finally finished Citizens of London: The Americans Who Stood with Britain in Its Darkest, Finest Hour by Lynne Olson. A fascinating book, lots of information I hadn't been aware of, and despite the seemingly uplifting title, also kind of another indictment of America, in documenting how long it took for America to enter the war, how much we dragged our feet in becoming fully engaged once we did, and then how we behaved with our Allies once it was clear that the war was being won. The individual troops may rightly be called "The Greatest Generation" as they are referred to in this country, but our government, not so much.

Now on to read some more.

Eagerly,
Annie

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Chicago Lights: CLASS and Free Write Programs

Today I want to tell you about two programs of Chicago Lights that I hold especially dear: CLASS (Chicago Lights Academic Success in Schools) and Free Write Jail Arts. Here are brief descriptions from their website:
Chicago Lights Academic Success in Schools (CLASS) supports learning and creative self-expression through fine arts programs for students in under-resourced schools. Throughout the school year professional artists teach drama and dance classes which uncover talents, build self-esteem and confidence, and increase students' desire to apply themselves in school. Courses are offered during the school day and are integral to students’ learning process. The curriculum is closely linked to state standards and includes detailed assessments.
Chicago Lights Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy at Nancy B. Jefferson School (Free Write) provides the only one-to-one literacy tutoring available to more than 400 youth incarcerated in the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center. Free Write seeks to reduce recidivism and help students find meaningful pathways to self-expression and further education through daily writing and arts workshops.
Some of you reading this blog may not know that I have an MA in Expressive Therapies with a focus on art. Basically, these are forms of therapy that take the arts --- visual, music, dance, drama, poetry --- as the form of expression, as opposed to traditional psychotherapy. Different therapists and different client groups may rely more or less on speech as well, but all share the conviction that the arts can be used as (or inherently are) healing modalities --- that art can heal.

Although in the end I decided not to work in this field, I fervently believe in the healing power of art. So I was excited when I first came across Chicago Lights and heard about the work of these two programs. Typically, in Chicago an "under-resourced school" also means that it stands in a poor neighborhood - and violence and generational poverty are epidemic in these areas. The youth in the Juvenile Detention Center are also overwhelmingly from these neighborhoods. Living in these places is inherently a traumatic experience, because even if your family is intact, even if you have somehow managed to avoid direct personal contact with any kind of violence, there is no way to avoid witnessing it, to avoid knowing people who have experienced it. And the effects even just of witnessing trauma on the young are well documented. (If you want to learn more about it, I recommend this manual created for people working with children - it's easy to read and thorough.) Art can be a force in addressing this trauma, both directly --- as in the brave writing of the Free Write students --- and indirectly.

And, of course, I think the arts should be a vital part of every students' education. Never mind all the benefits they supposedly confer on kids' abilities to learn other things --- I'm sure that's all true, but I think they are of value to us, just because. (We're sending our kids to a school with an arts focus, so you know I feel seriously about this.) Oh, but these schools, being "under-resourced", are of course lacking in arts programming, as that's usually the first thing to go when resources start getting tight.

So, for all this and more, I am grateful to Chicago Lights for placing the arts front and center in their programming. Their students' lives are richer and more hopeful for doing so.

You can donate to Chicago Lights through my campaign. Right now I'm $375 from my final goal of $1500.00 and amazed and honored by the support people have shown. I have a whole lot of cookies to start baking! (Because of my pledge to bake for anyone donating $45 or more.) And of course most of those will be going to the Sunday Night Supper hosted by Chicago Lights Elam Davies Social Service Center (I'll be writing about them next week) --- most people have wanted their cookies to go to that supper rather than their personal pantries.

With gratitude,
Annie




Monday, July 15, 2013

No, Really, I Love This Stuff

I realized last week that I may not have expressed how much fun I had with my last race, despite the copious room for improvement I actually wrote about. So I just want to make it clear...

I love racing.

Even when I don't think I've done as well as I could have. I love the people, the music, the crowds, the excitement. I love thinking about the course, figuring out a new course, feeling familiar with an old one. I love talking to the volunteers at packet pickups. I love being a volunteer at packet pickups. I love talking to other race participants (and seeing who will actually talk to me). I love getting up early and leaving the house before anyone is awake and moving through the city early. I love coming home and feeling that no matter what else I do that day I am a badass for getting up early and running a race. (And for having license to eat extra treats.) I love thinking about racing strategy and I love it even more when I not only plan things well but keep to that plan and get the results I hoped for. And then I love sharing about it afterwards. (I don't always love race photos but I've had some good ones lately.)

So, with that in mind, I've created a new page here which has all my race results and links to the ones I've written about. In going through these I have found some unfortunate trends (though typical)... going out too fast, not taking the heat/humidity seriously enough. But also a happy one... that my best experiences are when I run what I feel was a "smart" race, regardless of time: one where I start off conservatively, pick up the pace progressively, and then have enough left for a strong finish at the end. I also see that these are the ones I've done without music, so I am going back to racing without an iPod (I reserve the right to keep one on me for the marathon). Though I may need some new mantras then.

And as an extra treat, a link to a very funny comic strip (be forewarned about the swearing): God of Cake.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

More Inspiration

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
--- George Eliot

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Yes, I Take My Moral Compass From Rock 'n' Roll

Some unexpected inspiration from the Gospel of Freddy Mercury...

and love dares you to care for
the people on the edge of the night
(children of the streets)
and love dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves...

               --- from "Under Pressure" by Queen

Friday, July 1, 2011

Answering a Question I Don't Know How to Ask

...We will go before God to be judged, and God will ask:
“Where are your wounds?”
We will answer, “We have no wounds.”
God will ask: “Was there nothing worth fighting for?”
--- Rev. Allan Aubrey Boesak, South Africa

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Oh Yeah! (More Self-Care Ideas)

How could I forget to mention listening to as much Michael Franti as humanly possible?

"Hey hey hey
No matter how life is today
There's just one thing that I got to say
I won't let another moment slip away.
I hold on."
       --- "Hey Hey Hey," The Sound of Sunshine

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Good Stuff for a Sad Tuesday

Today I like this.

And this.

...if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life.
from H. Norman Wright, "Experiencing Grief"

And this.
Yesterday at the Field Museum.
Apparently, "Rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.

Rawr!

Friday, February 11, 2011

What a Gift

I've been looking at the online blogs for Hand/Eye and Spirit Cloth for a while now, and today I was directed to an article about using fabric for healing with children that just took my breath away. What a gift --- from the therapist to the children, from the artists to the therapist, and then to us to see what could be.

Stirs up all kinds of things in me...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hero of the Day

Wow! I just read about Mavis Hutchison, South African ultra-runner, who is in her eighties. Today is the anniverisary of her 1978 run across America. That's right, the whole country.

Here's the article in Runner's World, with a super-cool photo of her in her racing singlet. I'm printing this one out and putting it on my wall of inspiration at work.

Run on, Mavis!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Marathon Running With Girls On The Run

So I'm training for the Chicago Marathon, raising funds for the organization Girls On The Run (GOTR).

I think what excites me most about their organization is the non-competitive nature of it. That all girls, regardless of their ability, can take part in the training and the fun and the accomplishment of finishing a 5K.

It's also important to me that the advantages attributed to exercise for girls - better self-esteem, making healthy choices, improved body image - are made explicit through the GOTR lessons. It's done in a fun, playful way for the elementary school girls, more seriously for the middle schoolers.

I loved being active as a kid. I was always taking some class - ballet, gymnastics, jazz dance, horse-back riding, even rhythm gymnastics. I went hiking and cross-country skiing with my parents, swam by myself and with my dad, and biked everywhere.

And then, you know, as a girl things can just change for you in high school. At least they did for me.

I had always been aware that I was heavier than other girls (no surprise, as I started sneaking food starting at age 8), and was unhappy with my body. With puberty this unhappiness just exploded. All my physical activity became focused on losing weight. I still biked and hiked and skiied, but the fun in it dwindled as I obsessed about the calories I was or was not burning, and made plans to stop eating that I couldn't ever fulfill. I read the teen magazines and did the exercises promising to get you a bikini body by summer - I didn't. And then I got to college and gave up, and my weight and my health paid the price.

It took a while to get back to enjoying physical activity just for the fun of it. I've written recently about how I got started running after college and fell in love with it; I also started studying martial arts at that time and got introduced to the spiritual aspect of sport. And I had always remained a walker, covering long distances, both out of necessity since I didn't drive, and out of satisfaction in being able to get everywhere on my own feet. But I needed to work out some of the crap I'd accumulated in my head about my body and food and fitness and health before I could truly let go of my compulsive eating and thereby truly enjoy moving just for its own sake. I'm grateful to say it's been a good number of years that this has been true.

My hope for the girls taking part in Girls On The Run is that by taking part in the training, in the lessons and by being part of a team, that they may never lose their love of movement for its own sake. It is a blessing, every day, to be able to run, to have a healthy body that is for your own use, not someone else's. Girls On The Run shows these girls that blessing, and so I am grateful to be able to train with them and for them as a member of their SoleMates team.*

*Even if it is a cheesy, cheesy name.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Yoga for Lent

Well, it's Lent, and this year my Lenten observation is to practice yoga everyday. It's pretty much the only regular time in my life that I set aside for quiet and meditation, so when I was thinking about how to observe Lent, it just made the most sense to do so through deepening my yoga practice.

So, even if it's only for 5 minutes in a given day, I will take some time each day to practice, and I may use the opportunity to try some of the more meditative practices that I don't usually take time for. I'm curious to see what the effect will be in my life. "Surrender" is the word that keeps coming to me.

Some passages from "The Athlete's Guide to Yoga" by Sage Rountree, the reference I use most often.

"The philosophy of awareness is what makes "doing yoga" more than merely stretching or gymnastics. Just as workouts become training sessions when you are working toward a goal race, practicing poses or sitting still becomes yoga when you are doing it with a purpose." (p.12)

"
Hatha yoga uses the tantric approach, which focuses on accessing the universal consciousness through the body. Instead of being something to be denied and transcended, the body is the vehicle for self-realization. Thus the self-improvements that are a secondary benefit of yoga and of endurance sports help bring us toward the ultimate goal of connection with the [divine]. (p.13)

So far, I'm four for four. Forty-two days to go.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Ready to Race!

Race day. 6:02 a.m. Sick child, sick mama, not enough sleep. Par for the course this season - par for the course of having a young child. I am revising my race goals upward, back to my original one of an 11:20 pace.

But it looks to be sunny and clear with only mild breezes. The trees have not yet lost all their leaves and we are beginning and ending at Montrose Harbor with their gorgeous fields of wildflowers - a beautiful day and a beautiful course for a race. This All Saints' Day I will run in memory of all our mothers and all the women who have come before us and made our world a beautiful place, using their strength and determination and endurance to move forward and to make things better for their children and for all children - that is to say, for all of us. I am privileged to be able to spend my energy and focus on running, and I hope in some way, through this sport I love, to be able to make the world better too.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oh Yes, That

As for the update about my efforts to not be so angry with everything, I am glad to report some success with this too. Deep breathing, inspirational reading, positive self-talk, disengaging with love, and so on. More yoga.

Wish me luck in my continued efforts.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Changing My Tune

The Chicago Half Marathon is this weekend, and I am not running it.

The Chicago Marathon is in exactly a month, and I am not running that either.

See where I'm going with this?

My training schedule has been all over the place for a while, since I haven't had any race to focus on.

Our plans for the Buster Brown Celebration Fun Run have been all over the place too, as The Dude's running season has not gone as he'd hoped. This has led to a lot of back and forth on his and my part. I'm running it on my own... no, we're running it together, but it will be short... no, I'm running it on my own again... no, together... This has been frustrating. And has contributed to the lack of focus in my training mentioned above.

However.

After spending the first six months of Buddy's life a wee bit sad, and then the next six months a wee bit angry, I have decided it is high time for an attitude adjustment. I will start doing whatever I need to --- prayer, visualizations, mantras, meditation, holy water, WHATEVER --- to be able to have a loving, more kind heart, towards myself and others, and to count my blessings and not my misfortunes.

(Side note to The Dude: sorry I wasn't on the ball with that this morning.)

So instead of mourning the races I am not doing this year (and couldn't have imagined doing six months ago anyway, hello), I will find some fun and meaningful ones to do next year (I already have some in mind). And I will set my focus on the one race I actually do have this year, the Hot Chocolate 15K, November 1. Which, while it doesn't have any particular personal meaning for me, should be a lot of fun (post-party sponsored by Hershey's, after all).

And as for tomorrow's run? Well, it is the Buster Brown Celebration FUN RUN after all. And what could be better than heading out on our favorite route, Buddy in tow, and taking time at the halfway mark to let Buddy have some fun, pushing his stroller in the grass and swinging on the swings?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Friday, August 21, 2009

In Her Words...

I've been wondering how to explain why running is so important to me, and why my secret burning ambition in running is so important to me (still not ready to share that, you'll have to wait), and then I read Ironmatron's post on why she wants to qualify for the Kona Ironman. And while it's not my S.B.A.* to do a triathlon of any length, I really related to what she wrote. Especially:

"Because I don't want to look like the middle-aged mom that I am; I want to look like the twenty-year old lassie I wish I once was."

Emphasis mine. Except for me it's about feeling like the twenty-year old lassie, rather than looking like her.

I always wanted to be an athlete, and somehow, not quite sure how exactly, this is the year I decided I would be.

I've heard there's nothing like becoming a parent to get clear on what you really want. So thank you, Buddy, for giving me that extra gift, beyond your own sweet self.

*Secret Burning Ambition