A Month Later, A Month Wiser (A Month More Ambitious...)

I had big plans.

I was going to knock out the first draft of this novel by the end of March. Or did I say the end of February? Whatevs. Clearly I was on writer's high. I think that's related to runner's high? 'Cause I've made the same kind of pronouncement about my running goals too, only to have it fall short of reality. Miles short.

After the glories of NaNo I floundered through pretty much all of December. I was having trouble figuring out a new writing schedule, for sure, but I also wasn't sure what I should be focusing on. Typing up my handwritten pages? Editing while typing or after? Writing new material? More research? All of that needed to happen. Eventually I settled down to typing up my pages without trying to significantly edit or write new material, and instead just keeping track of any new ideas and the changes I want to make.

And then...

I was chatting a bit with a friend on Twitter about wanting to see alt-history where the Aztecs defeated the Spaniards AND the resulting technological and social development was not along European lines. And I kept thinking about it, and then because neither of us have enough to do I suggested a writing challenge: to come up with a short story, set in that world, in six months.

And then an offhand comment of his made me think that this could fit into the story world I am currently working on. Since I had just come to the realization (yet again) that these books I have in mind are going to be more demanding than I previously thought (both world-building and stylistically), why not pull this in too? And thankfully I have calmed down the thoughts about needing to get this done by the time I'm... whatever age I'm fixating on at the moment.

Fairly quickly I had mapped out a set of questions for myself, avenues to explore, resources to investigate. I have some things already in mind... and my existing characters seem to be taking it in stride. Whew.

Happy writer wriggles. I feel like a pup given a new toy.

So I guess now I have bigger plans. I'll keep on typing up my pages through January and February, make notes for new stuff, get some more research done, and then use March as my own personal NaNo. Since it's my birthday month and I like giving myself challenges as gifts, obviously. And then... cycle repeat, probably, since it seems to be a cycle that works for me. And at some point things will get finished. Probably. Hopefully.

Still wriggling with writing pleasure,
Annie

Starting Over

Welp, I've realized I need to rewrite my novel. All of it. (I realized I needed to change the point of view.) Gah.

I knew I was going to have to do some massive reworking - and making this change will allow me to address some other issues I was having with it - I just didn't think it would involve rewriting the whole thing. Thankfully I have a sense of how to start. Because otherwise I really would feel thoroughly effed.

Right now I need to be focusing on the marathon anyway, what with less than two months to go... and I have a baby quilt overdue... and school is about to start which always takes more time and energy than it feels it should... all of which is to say I don't see myself plunging into this rewrite in the next two months. But that doesn't feel good either.

So, I've decided this year to tackle National Novel Writing Month again. Or NaNoWriMo, as they put it. November - 50,000 words, 30 days. And use that time to tackle my rewrite.

And in the meantime I will prepare - more research and writing exercises. I've got my list and have started to work through it and am getting excited.

I have no idea if I'll manage the word count. It's so out of my normal writing rhythm it seems impossible. But why the hell not try. It's not as if I have anything to lose, after all.

(And if you're doing NaNoWriMo too, you can find me on there as A Crow, Chicago. I'd love to have company.)

Yours in words,
Annie

We'll See

I'm attending a poetry workshop tonight at the Poetry Foundation, my first ever. I have no idea what to expect. It's on hybrid forms of poetry ("forms that trouble, cross, and blur literary genre boundaries"), inspired by a recent exhibit, "Monster Roster: Existentialist Art in Postwar Chicago" at the Smart Museum. We had homework to prepare in advance: to see the exhibit and take notes on everything that struck us - the art, certainly, but anything else noteworthy we experienced while there.

The exhibit itself was remarkable and I think I will be absorbing it for a while, especially as I've started painting again. I'm nervous about the workshop. I haven't shared any of my recent work and my writing process is so slow (multiple rounds of working and reworking) that I'm sure I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing anything I write tonight, tonight. But I've been wanting to take part in a workshop and everything lined up for this one - the timing (usually their workshops are on Saturday mornings), the topic, the exhibit - so I'm putting on my "big girl pants" and showing up, regardless of what happens.

Venturing out,
Annie

5 Miles

Up early today, to run five miles before the rest of the household awoke. Prior to today, all my early runs were along the lines of 2-3 miles, with a couple of four mile runs on weekends when I didn't have to be back quite so early. So this felt like a big deal. (I had to set my alarm for before 5:00 a.m. - which I've done in the past, but not to get up and go run, unless it was a race.)

I will have many more such runs - and for longer distances - in the weeks before the marathon. I will be setting my alarm to go off even earlier. But this first one felt like the beginning of something new.

One of the self improvement writers I follow wrote something like, your goal should frighten and excite you. Training for the marathon this year - training for a time, not only to finish - frightens and excites me. I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing.

And I have a feeling that this will only be the first step...

Shivering with antici.....

pation.

Annie

Yes, that was a shout out to "Rocky Horror Picture Show", one of my favorite movies EVER.

Word for the Year: Vision

Some of you may know (or have realized) that I spent a fair bit of time thinking about self-improvement, professional development, etc. A couple of months ago I even went through a 31-day exercise in goal-setting and action steps. So it would make sense that I would have a list of goals for 2015 and plans to implement them.

But all my reading and reflection these past months has led me to a different conclusion. That goals, as worthwhile as they may be in the short-term, aren't really going to help me become the person I want to be. For that I need to look at habits, and consider if there are habits I want to break, or, even more constructively, if there are habits I want to take up.

And to guide me in choosing these habits, I need to think about my visions for the future. What do I hope to have done in ten years? Who do I hope to become?

Other questions, borrowed from Jeff Sanders:

• Which projects mean so much to you that you would regret not doing them?
• Which goals would radically change your life more than any other?
• What have you been dying to share with the world?

And then last year I found it tremendously helpful to think about a word for the year, something short and concrete that could serve as a touchstone as I went about my everyday life, making all those quick, immediate, unceasing decisions that we all make in the course of a day.

I'm sure I don't want to share my list of habits with everyone, and I'm not sure that I feel ready to share my deepest vision for myself either. But in the spirit of all the 2015 resolutions/goals posts out there, I give you my word of the year: Vision. So that I may continue to develop mine, and to view all those habits and goals and decisions with those visions in mind.

What would your word be?

Always growing,
Annie

P.S. While I reference Jeff Sanders above, my two favorite personal/professional development blogs are Leo Babauta's Zen Habits and Seth Godin's Seth's Blog. And I would not have found them without Matt Frazier's No Meat Athlete. Do you have a favorite self-improvement blog or resource?

Breathing Deep, Holding Back

Ten days ago, my leg started feeling markedly better. As in, I would go periods of the day without noticing it at all.

I tentatively started planning to try running again the following Monday, just an easy mile on the treadmill at the gym.

By that Friday I was feeling so good I couldn't wait any longer. I left work a little early, went to the gym, and got on the treadmill.

The first half mile felt very strange, though not painful. "Is this how my legs are supposed to work?" Everything felt a bit wobbly. I started off slowly, took a 30-second walk break, then started running again, this time for a bit longer.

By the time I got to 3/4 mile I was feeling pretty good and decided to see if I could keep going for a full three miles (since in all this time away I've been very aware that there's this little 5K around the corner...). I also started speeding up on my run segments, just a little bit...

By the time I got to 1.5 miles I was feeling grand and in no need of walk breaks. "I wonder just how fast I can go?" I finished my three miles at the pace I had targeted for this race, three months ago.

No pain.

Sunday I wore heels for Easter and my leg was twingy afterwards. I took Monday off from running, but Tuesday I ran the race course (it's in my neighborhood). Yesterday I went back to the treadmill and ran the workout that had been scheduled for me back when I was actively training for the 5K, a nice little shakeout of 2 x 800m. intervals at faster than race pace. I figured either I could handle it and this would be a nice confidence booster, or it would show me that I had no business trying to run fast at this point.

I finished, having hit my paces, with both speed and endurance to spare. And no pain.

Today I get my race packet...

Tonight I must go to bed early, as I haven't gotten the rest I wanted this week. (Damn cats waking me up early each day, damn "Game of Thrones" keeping me up, not exactly late, but not early either.)

Tomorrow I will stay off my feet as much as possible.

And Sunday?

Sunday I plan to fly.

Friday Roundup

Last Thursday I ran the Elvis Is Alive 5K for the third year in a row. This year I did it by myself  - my original running partner was unexpectedly deployed and spent last week preparing to leave, and none of my other potential running partners could make it. I had a great run but the party would definitely have been better with company! Next year if I can't find anyone to do it with me I'll just head home after my post-run beer.

Next year I will also find some way to get into the Elvis spirit with my attire, I loved all the things people did. Even if it's just adding in sequins. Or maybe I'll run in my Graceland t-shirt and find some way to jazz it up a bit. I have a note on my calendar to start thinking about it a little earlier.

On Monday I did my first long run using a run/walk method, 18 miles. So much better than my last few long runs, even though it was just as humid and hot as those have been. I felt so fresh for the first miles that I definitely took them faster than I should have, so I have got to rein myself in for the first half. The last 6 miles still hurt but not nearly as much as before, and I was able to stay pretty much on pace (I was also listening to a podcast at that point which always slows me down). Then my last mile was the second-fastest of the day, unbelievable.

For those who are interested, I used a 5:1 run/walk ratio.

I have a couple of shorter long runs in the next weeks and then my 20-miler on September 22. And then that will be it before the marathon (My weekly mileage has ramped up and I'll continue with that but I don't have any good opportunities for really long runs in the next month.) I'll continue with the run/walk strategy for anything over 12 miles and practice not going out so quickly. Everything else seems to be working (vest, bladder, hydration/nutrition) so I don't think I need to make any changes there. I have changed my anticipated time and moved down into a slower start corral. My goal is to have fun, keep a steady pace, and hopefully break 5 hours, since I was so close last time. I have been thinking of this as an adventure rather than a race and I think that will also help me have a better experience than last time.

And then we'll see about doing any more.

I wrote last week about doing a bucket list and I will be putting that up as a separate page shortly. I had gotten excited about putting some running goals on there (which is what I was referring to in my post last week) but as the week went on I realized I didn't want to get so specific about particular numbers or locations of races. Our bodies, while capable of amazing things, are also fragile vessels sometimes, and I never want to value specific physical endeavor over all else. So my revised list is much more general in scope now.

But I'm still posting it! There are some things on there that surprised me when I first started thinking about doing one, dreams I've had for a while without fully acknowledging them, and I don't want to let them go into hiding again.

Any item on your "bucket list" that surprised you?

Happy Friday!

Oh, Life

I've missed writing, so these are just random thoughts. I had hoped to get on a regular Tuesday/Friday schedule and then life intervened a few weeks ago, and has kept intervening since.

My rest week last week wasn't... our family trip turned into a family emergency. Here's the quick and lowdown. My MIL had to be hospitalized - long standing issues led to dehydration, malnutrition, dementia - there may be permanent damage - we don't know what the long-term prognosis is. She spent the week in the hospital and is now in a skilled nursing facility. She may be able to return home with help in a few weeks. She lives a 5-hour-drive away. This was completely unexpected. Prayers are welcome.

My kids are great, and have been weathering all this well, though Buddy will not be happy when he learns that his dad will be gone another weekend.

I think that's all I want to write about that.

Long run today! Twelve miles. It was a beautiful day for it, nice and sunny but a little cool. My race vest continues to be be awesome. Today I cinched my windbreaker to the back and within a quarter mile had ceased to notice it. I backed down from trying out my new hydration/nutrition system 'cause I just didn't have the headspace to figure out quantities, so went with my standard Nuun water plus gels - and then resented the amount of time it took to consume the gels. So next week I have motivation to figure out the new stuff (plus I want to try it out once before I race with it).

I've been drawing and painting as I can (and then staying up late some nights to do some more). The problem always with this is that I then want to do so. much. more! I'm going to have to give some things up but I don't know what, aside from reading Sports Illustrated and Slate.com.

May was supposed to be my weight-loss challenge before the long runs started up. Hah. So that's now on hold until after the marathon. Can't say I'm sad about that... I am going to go through my clothes though and remove all the "too small for now" t-shirts I've acquired (gifts and race shirts) so that I don't give myself grief about it. Everything else I fit into fine. Although I did get some new bras last fall that are a bit padded and now some of my summer button-down shirts are just a touch too snug across the chest. I should have just bought running bras that can double as everyday bras, strap everything down and forget about them.

My run this morning was great but the lack of sleep lately means I am feeling trashed. More stretching, more sleep! This may be my new mantra for the week.

Plunging In

Tomorrow I will be running my first race of the year, about two weeks earlier than I had planned to, and three miles longer.

Huh?

I am still signed up for the Ravenswood Run 5K at the end of April. But my training for that has gone seriously off the rails, between injury and illness. I may still try to go all out, but I was less and less happy at the idea of making that be my big first race of the season.

Tomorrow is the Wrigley Start Early 5/10k, and I had already planned to take part (and was trying to get a group together from work) since that event benefits Voices for Illinois Children and Prevent Child Abuse America. I had been thinking of maybe just taking the Goobster in his regular stroller and doing the 1M pledge walk. I have a bit of a history with that event and thought it would be neat to revisit it after a break of a few years.

And then stuff shifted around, as they will, and I was given the opportunity to go on my own, without child, and I thought, "Why not just go for the 10k?"

I've been running that far, so I'm not concerned about covering the distance. And in reading my notes from the last time I ran it I can see I've learned a lot about racing, so I'm not worried about blowing up. So, why not?

I have a cute new haircut and hairband, I have a morning to myself, the weather should be cool but dry, it's right along the lake... Should be fun!

To finish in under an hour I would need to do 9:40 miles. I think that's unlikely right now. To beat my last 10k (in 2010) I would need to do 9:54 miles. That, I think is possible. It will take some effort, but I think it is possible.

Off to create my playlist and have a last snack before an early bedtime. Wish me luck!

Resolute

Whenever I pick up sewing again after having let it slide, I immediately get itchy fingers and wonder how I could have ever stopped in the first place.

Pretty much the same way I feel when I've returned to running after a break.

I think it's time to acknowledge that I have these two (often competing) loves and to see how I can satisfy them both.

I know a part of my getting blocked with sewing is that I expect more from myself than I can reasonably hope to. I have an art (history) degree, for goodness' sake! I've been making things (off and on) my entire life!

Yes, well, the same could be said of my running. And I never managed to improve my speed or do more than dream of running a marathon until I started to run consistently and seriously, three and a half years ago. So perhaps consistency is the key to doing something with my sewing as well.

I don't know yet what consistency in sewing will look like for me. I'm open to suggestions.

My New Year's resolution has come early this year.

Along the same lines, I need to stop reading art/sewing magazines and books and comparing myself to the professionals in there. I don't compare myself to professional athletes when I read Runners' World, fer chrissakes.

She's Mighty, Mighty

I woke up this morning feeling tight from a hard night with the baby. I wanted to swim for the physical release it would bring (and because I hadn't yet this week), but I wanted to run for the emotional release it would provide. What to do?

The answer came while nursing: why both, of course! Instead of walking to the pool I could run there (with a little extra just for fun), and then run home. Not all that much different from what I do on swim days anyway, just a little added distance and then my shower at home instead of the pool (much nicer anyways). With the baby still nursing I popped over to the computer to map out my routes, to make it an even two miles there, one mile home. Now I just had to make sure I made it to the pool in time.

The boys cooperated, I dropped them off, and started my run. It wasn't until I started that I realized this was essentially a brick workout*, and it wasn't until my swim that I realized I was already doing the distances in a sprint triathlon (1/2 mile swim, 3 mile run). Now, in the past I've sworn never to do a triathlon, but I have to say, I had a lot of fun this morning. It felt a little weird when I started swimming, and again a little weird when I started running again, but within a short while I felt back in the groove. And my swim ended up being the fastest I've done that I can think of --- shows what can happen when you warm up first!

I had so much fun I think I'll do this on a regular basis --- it's a nice way of getting in an extra workout. I did find myself noticing that having different gear would make the transitions easier... I may be getting sucked into the dark side of triathlon after all. Now where did I put my bike?

*Training on two disciplines in the same workout, a triathlon term.