Notes on a Busy Week

Hmmm... where to start since I need to keep this short?

Thanksgiving was wonderful, and in fact all of Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful. Marvelous to have Pete's family come visit, superlative to have so much time with Buddy and The Dude, and lovely to have so much yummy yummy food. (Especially the pecan pie. I love pecan pie.)

Work is busy (surprise, surprise), but okay.

My "To Make For Christmas" to-do list has far more entries than days available, but I am oddly calm about it (right now) and enjoying every opportunity to work on them.

I had three decent workouts last week and have hopes of two this week. My IT band is not getting worse. I have decided not to stress about how much I am working out or not until the new year starts.

I have the opportunity this week to visit with a friend I have not seen in over twenty years and am grateful for that as well.

I cannot explain my calm right now other than to say I have either gotten the Christmas spirit, or some good sleep over the holiday weekend. Either way, I am grateful. I do know I am most grateful that Buddy took a nap every day over the long weekend, a gift I was not expecting.

Hope this finds all well. I doubt I will be writing much over the next few weeks.

Notes on a Low Week

I think I'll start with the positive stuff from last week, since otherwise I will probably just wallow.

The house is clean and (mostly) ready for visitors.

I got in two good workouts last week, through a combination of walking and the ergometer.

While still twingy, my ITB is not disabling, as evidenced by my ability to run (without pain) after a certain imp.

I got some good work done on my Christmas presents and really enjoyed doing so.

The bug that was threatening to fell me last week has retreated to "tolerable" status.

Work, while stressful, is still on the right side of manageable.

I am enjoying reading a couple of art books that I would not have read six weeks ago, before I decided to succumb to my artsy/crafty self.

And everyone in this household and among my closest loved ones is well and in decent health.

Okay, good enough! No need to make a similar catalog of my blues. I'll just go listen to a bunch of country music instead.

Word of the Day

Automagically.

Isn't that awesome? There is a lot these days that seems to happen automagically. How else could I be writing this and a friend in Japan reads it moments later?

My son's word on Saturday was "broken." I don't remember what particular incident prompted that, but he savored the word for the rest of the day.

And I remember being 10 and in love with the word "inquisitive."

Do you have a word for the day?

This Is Not My Week

I got scolded on the train today for talking on the phone with my parents. Like, chewed out. I was stunned, mostly because, as anyone who rides the Chicago El knows, everyone talks on the phone on the train --- I thought I was at least trying to be fairly quiet and considerate. But apparently there are different rules in play on the Brown Line at 8:00am.

I have a magnet I keep on the door to my office, to let people know I'm here even if the door is closed. My eyes keep going back to it today... I chose this quote to help me remember to be nice to people when I don't want to be, but today I think it's to remember to be nice to me:

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars.

In the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

~ Max Ehrmann

Peace to us all.

Eh, Or Maybe Not

After thinking some more about these birds I'm making, and looking at the photos in the book of what they're supposed to look like, and then thinking some more (mostly about what really gets me excited about working with cloth and thread, and what would I design if I were to make up some birds for my friends), and then staying up too late and waking up too early because my brain is just turning... I've switched gears, jumped tracks, and am heading in a somewhat different direction. Somewhere that's more me.

Thankfully most of what I cut out can be cannibalized for these new designs, and with a little bit of sketching and a little bit of photocopying, I am now ready to cut out new patterns tonight and get started sewing on the train tomorrow.

Notes on a Frustrating Week

I'm not even going to bother listing out my workouts this past week, it's just too upsetting. Tuesday I went for a longer run than I should have and ended up injuring my ITB. It's been coming all season so I can't get too upset about it, in many ways I'm just grateful that it happened now (rather than before the marathon or my race last weekend). Not only that, but November/December are hugely stressful months for me at work, plus of course all my own holiday preparations. And I will admit I'm feeling run-down. So it's a good time to be running less (or not at all right now), but I still don't like it.

I've been frustrated trying to figure out good cross-training as well. For reasons I won't get into (because it makes me too angry) I can't use the pool for a while, but we haven't joined our local health club yet, so I'm left with the exercise room at our local park district center. Typically the only machines there that work properly are these odd combination of bike/arm-thing that make a huge amount of noise and don't have any gear adjustment at all --- you just get on and pedal and move your arms back and forth. I just can't make myself use them, I can't. So then you cross your fingers and hope that one of the more modern machines are working... Today that left me with the ergometer, which I love, but that's really not a lot of choice.

I won't even touch on work frustration becuase it's just not worth it. This is a hard time of year, made harder by other people's holiday craziness, and that I don't feel I really get to enjoy my own holiday preparations. I suspect I won't be writing much in these next six weeks.

On the upside, we actually managed to consolidate our books and reorganize our bookshelves this weekend... we've only lived together five years and in this apartment for three, after all, can't rush into these things... Buddy thought it was hugely entertaining and "helped" pull books off the shelves for us, usually after we'd finished a shelf. But I'm most proud of us, me for being willing to consolidate (mostly) and The Dude for being willing to organize and get rid of some things to boot.

I like to end my posts with some kind of cheery or witty note but I'm too tired to be either today. Hope your Novembers are going better.

This Week: Cutting, Sewing, Swearing, Groaning

A number of my friends had babies about the same time that my imp was born. Those whose showers I was able to attend got a gift from their registry, but a few of them never ended up getting a gift for their children at all, which I have not been happy about (especially when we have then received gifts for Buddy from them... oh, the shame). And then two of my friends in this category have since had a second child! I am far, far behind in my gift-giving.

So I have started my venture back into art-making with a number of gift projects, some for Christmas, and some to ease my conscience around missed gift-giving opportunities. This week I have been working on two stuffed birds, both from, or loosely based on, designs in the book "Little Birds."

I'm working on a tight deadline so I don't think I'll get any process pictures up. A childhood friend from Japan whom I haven't seen in 24 years will be here for a conference in two weeks, and since I'd rather not pay the postage to Japan I'm trying to get these done in time for her arrival. Hence some of the groaning. The other groaning came when I first turned the body of one of these birds right side out. It's been so long since I made anything three-dimensional in fabric, and never from someone else's pattern (or so small) --- it just didn't look anything like I thought it would.

Still, it is in process --- the body is not yet stuffed or closed, the wings are not yet attached, the decorative stitching and beading is not yet done --- and I am trying to remember that it has been a very long time since I made anything at all and to have patience and gentleness of heart towards myself.

I am so very much enjoying all the parts of making these birds: choosing fabrics, cutting out the pieces, pinning, machine sewing, turning, stuffing, handsewing (in the train this morning!), embroidering. So that gives me confidence about what I am doing overall... regardless of how these particular birds might turn out.

Change in Plans, That's It, Just a Change in Plans

Yesterday I scheduled myself for a nice, easy, 4-mile run. You know, nice and easy to recover from Saturday's race.

And then it was so beautiful outside... I decided to make it six.

Do you know where this is going? That's right, at mile 4 (and still 2 miles from home), my right knee started bothering me. And then some more. And then some more. I kept going because frankly it was easier to keep going than to stop and start up again, and I was still 2 miles from home, and I didn't want to walk (I didn't think it would feel any better to walk), but by the time I got home more than my knee was hurting.

Now, thankfully, I don't think I've done anything serious to myself. I could walk around mostly fine yesterday (just some problems after going down steps), and I haven't had any major pain today (just twinges... but a bunch of them). But I'm taking this as a big red flag to back waaaay off the running for a while.

Last year, at about this same time, I started having problems with my left foot, and I didn't back off... until January, when I had to, and then ended up with about eight weeks of wondering if I'd be able to run again this year at all. And I still have to baby that foot. I don't plan to make that mistake twice! So from now until the end of the year I'm going to hit the pool and the gym, and if I go running, just something nice and easy (for real), maybe once a week.

Happy that I already decided to do a sprint tri next year! I'll be able to enjoy those hours in the pool and the gym and not chafe at "missed" training opportunities. Now I just need to find someone to sucker persuade into doing it with me.

Back With The Big Fish

This was my first day back in the fast lane after a break of two months. I had scaled back my swimming during the most intense marathon training, and kept it low-key during taper and recovery as well. And for that I didn't need the pressure of swimming in the fast lane, worrying about what other swimmers were thinking about me (I know, I know, they aren't), and feeling tempted to swim faster or longer than I should. And I didn't have any concrete plans for returning to the fast lane either, I was just planning to slowly increase my swim time back to an hour or so and not concern myself with how fast I was going.

And then.

And then I showed up at the pool today and saw there were 8 people already in the medium lane, two of whom make me grit my teeth every time I have to share space with them. It was just so going to be a clusterf***, excuse my french.

And in the fast lane? Five. All swimming steadily and easily, passing each other as needed with no drama that I could tell.

So in I went. And spent the first 10 minutes going too fast, worrying that I was getting in the way, looking back too often to make sure I wasn't going to cut someone off at the turn. And then I realized that I was okay, I wasn't getting passed like crazy, everyone seemed to be handling my being there without breaking stride, so to speak. I was pretty revved up by then, though, so I kept going at my faster clip and gradually realized I could keep it up, and hey, maybe I wanted to swim an extra three laps too. You know, just for kicks (ha, ha).

And I got out and feel fine, and have felt fine since then, better than fine, really, I was STOKED... and promptly went home and retooled my winter training plan to include MORE SWIMMING. I want to run my first ultra next year, after all, need to get my cardio up there without hurting myself with too much running. Whatever... it just feels so good to feel tough. Sexy, even.

(It doesn't hurt that there are some beautiful men in the fast lane. Oh, swimmers. Along with soccer and rugby players easily the most beautiful men in the world.)

Now if only my budget allowed for some swim coaching... and a new swimsuit...

Hot Chocolate - Hurrah!

Good grief, this whole race has felt like a comedy of errors, though one with a happy ending at least. First I got the date wrong and only realized my mistake 13 hours before the start time, necessitating a complete change of plans for the weekend (luckily it actually worked out better for us this way). Then I left my watch at home, and with no clock at the start that I could see I wasn't able to keep track of my mile splits until I was two miles in. I somehow managed to lose my beloved ear warmers during gear check, and it was COLD. I needed to pee right from the start but the course was woefully lacking in porta-potties and I didn't want to lose time standing in line, so I ended up running the whole thing wishing I could just go pee against a wall like guys do. The course was crowded the whole time with a number of bottlenecks, so I spent much of the race running on the very edge: on grass, on rocks, in ditches, and hopping back and forth over curbs. I lost time running to a fieldhouse only to find the restrooms were locked up for the season (and as a Chicago resident I knew better than to have tried, but I saw people coming back from it and they didn't say it was locked so I went, hoping). I barely saw the view or heard the music, so focused was I on getting through and around people and not twisting an ankle on the slopes/grass/rocks/curbs.

(I am so very grateful for all my trail running and balance exercises in yoga, busy strengthening all those little stabilizing muscles in my feet and ankles so that I could trust my footing in this insane course. Did I mention we spent a full mile on grass and rocks?)

Despite all the obstacles, I felt really good about how I was running (once I got past the first couple of miles of "it's really cold," "I hate all these people," and "we're running on highway, why am I even doing this"). First, my pace was really consistent, something I have struggled with in races, gradually accelerating over the first two miles to a 10 minute pace and then staying there for the next three miles. Then, once I got past the 5 mile mark, I let myself go faster, and was able to steadily accelerate again over the next couple of miles until I was really running at capacity, and then kept it there for the rest of the race. I was way more aggressive about passing then I've ever been (and have the elbow-shaped bruise on my breastbone today to testify to that) --- that was fun. Plus, there were a number of hills on the way back (the first half had been a gradual and consistent slope), and I love hills. I practice on them as much as I can around here, so yesterday I could take them steadily going up without losing much speed, and then really FLY on the way back down, trusting in my ankles and sense of balance and my training, loving the feeling of flight and also trying to make up time lost in bottlenecks and that failed toilet stop.

That last mile and change I just kept pushing myself, making myself chase people down and just. keep. going. I hit the 9 mile mark and realized I was pretty much at my limit but there were only 400 some meters left to go and I just had to keep going and then I hit the last 50 meters and pushed harder and crossed the finish line. And immediately felt like throwing up. Yes! A perfect race.

I didn't even know what my time was until this morning, I was just hoping to have broken a 10 minute pace overall. And I did! Final time --- 1:32:30, for a 9:56 pace, finishing 507 out of 1192 for my age group (women 35-39). To put that in perspective, last year I ran this race at a 10:42 pace, and earlier this year I ran a 10k at a 9:54 pace. I am moving on up.

Now to figure out what my goals are for next year's races and devise training plans for them. Yum, yum, yum.

Hot Chocolate - Oops

Well, I found out on my way out of work last night that the Hot Chocolate 15k is TODAY, not Sunday as I had been thinking all season long. Wow. And here I'd been wondering why the expo was on Thursday and Friday only.

I've been grousing to myself about this race all week long --- it's become all about "sell, sell, sell," they ran out of most sizes of shirts before it was anywhere near full, there was no chocolate at the expo despite all their email promises, etc., etc., (when really I signed up for it out of "post-marathon mania" and now, a month later, just don't feel like racing) --- so I could have very easily taken this as a sign that it was not to be.

But instead, here I am, all geared up and about to head out the door early on a COLD Chicago morning to go kick myself in the butt. And excited about it.

We runners, we are crazy.

Notes on a Friend-Full Week

This week was both exhausting and a delight. The delights included having lunch with one good friend and then a post-Buddy-bedtime dessert outing with another. (We meant to have wine but the desserts just called louder!) Then in the next couple of weeks I have a coffee date planned, plus another lunch, plus who knows what might pop up. Oh yes, and I had breakfast with another friend last week and we'll probably manage to get together before Thanksgiving as well.

I mention this because it really wasn't that long ago that I was bemoaning my lack of regular friendtime. One close friend moved to New England, one moved to Evanston, and all around it seemed that I didn't have any close friends nearby (insert dramatic sigh here) and I was all alone (really big sigh here). But really what happened was that changes in my life (ahem, Buddy) and changes in my friends' lives meant that the patterns we had got disrupted, and I hadn't yet built any new ones up.

Today I look around and feel rich in friendships again --- some new, some strengthened, some transformed --- and I am very grateful. Grateful, and also aware that this would not have happened without my attention and care and making friend time more of a priority again.

Monday: Ran 8 miles, yoga. Meant these to be "easy" miles but ended up more like a tempo run.

Tuesday: Yoga, swam 27 laps.

Wednesday: Rest day, went into work early.

Thursday: Nine miles at the track, 4 mile-repeats. Last speed workout before the Hot Chocolate 15k on 11/7 and I'm feeling strong. Yoga.

Friday: Yoga, swam 27 laps.

Saturday: Slept in, so no yoga in the morning, than Buddy didn't nap, so no yoga in the afternoon. Decided to see the whole day as an opportunity for spiritual practice --- breathe, baby, breathe.

Sunday: Ran 6 miles in the wrong shoes, not much fun. And then Buddy didn't nap again. Kind of frazzled by weekend's end. I'm taking that as my excuse for all the candy consumed today. Evidently sugar won out over mindfulness. Happens sometimes.

Oh Dear

So, the Chicago Lakefront 50/50 (50k or 50M) is this coming Saturday, and I want to do the 50k sooooo much.

I know I'm not ready for it this year (plus we've got a really heavy schedule this weekend), but I'm seriously thinking about it for next year.

The Dude asked me in my post-marathon moping week why I wanted to run marathons, and why I wanted to run particular ones (Flying Pig, San Francisco, New York, London, Berlin... Boston), and I really couldn't give him a good answer. I just... want to. And certain ones more than others. And while I'd certainly like to improve on my marathon time I feel content right now to leave my racing efforts to shorter distances --- I just want to run these.

But before any of these I want to run that 50k...

(And then someday my S.B.A.*...)

Oh, time to pull out my planner and training books.

*Secret Burning Ambition. Still not ready to talk about this. Thought it had gone away but I guess it hasn't.

New Challenges

Many people this summer, when they found out I was either training for or had run the marathon, had this reaction: "I could never do that."

Really?

I have never doubted that I could run a marathon, even back when I first started running. The question for me was always, "Do I want to run a marathon?" and, more importantly, "Do I want to enough?" Twice now I've started training to do so and realized that no, I didn't want to badly enough. I don't think there's any shame in changing your mind about a goal if in the course of striving for it you learn new things --- about what's needed, about what you're capable of, about what you're willing to do --- that make you reevaluate the worthiness of attempting it at that time.

(Of course there are limits on what any individual body can do, but I think that they are often less than we are willing to believe.)

There are other limits that we place on ourselves though, I believe mostly out of fear. One limit I have put on myself consistently is to say, "Oh, I could never make a business for myself with my art."

Really?
And why is that?

My answers are not all that good.

So, I'm going ahead and putting it out there and saying, I want to develop my artistic voice, and I want to put my work out there, and I want to make a business for myself with my art.

I don't know what that will look like right now. I do believe that it will take time to grow, and that my vision will evolve as I get back in the practice of making art and as I learn more about the business of art and as I get a better sense of where my work fits into that world.

But I do know that I am tired of coming up with reasons "this is why not", and am ready to live into "Why, yes!"

Do I want this enough?

I think I finally do.

Notes on a Recovery Week

I suppose since I didn't go running this was technically a recovery week. Didn't feel that way at the time, what with not sleeping well myself and then a sick Buddy. But since I am now mostly pain-free, and eating better again, and feeling more like myself in my body in general, I will declare myself on the road to recovery.

Which is good, because in three weeks is the Hot Chocolate 15K, and I'd really like to rip it up!

Oh, and can anyone explain why my butt has suddenly gotten bigger? I know I gained a couple of pounds during taper and then my post-marathon indulgences, but seriously, all in my butt? My underwear, it does not fit right (sad face).

Monday: Walking around the neighborhood, yoga.

Tuesday: Swam 21 laps.

Wednesday: Rest day, yoga.

Thursday: At home with a sick Buddy. Yoga during his nap.

Friday: The Dude stayed at home with Buddy today, so I went swimming before work, 24 laps.

Saturday: No planned exercise, except for yoga, and not exactly a rest day, since Buddy was still under the weather and woke up early to boot. But we did get to run around at the park with his aunt and his cousin The Lion Child(he has the most astonishing roar, especially for such a mellow child). So cute!

Sunday: First run since the marathon! 5 miles, with yoga afterwards. I don't quite know how to describe how it felt since it was difficult in a way I haven't experienced before. But it was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be outside, and so grateful that everything seems to be working okay. Then home to make corn muffins for The Dude's chili, then fall asleep in front of Sunday Night Football.

Marathon Report (And Then I'm Done)

So, you've seen from the short report that I was frustrated and disappointed. I've had a few days now to reflect and to talk it over with friends, and I'm grateful to say that my perspective has changed.

(Feel free to skip the processing part and go straight to the highlights.)

All through the summer and my training, I've been treating the marathon as if it were another race, and setting my expectations --- of how I go about it, of my goal time --- accordingly. From that perspective I didn't run it "well": not only was I way off my goal time, but I also didn't run it "smartly," which for me means adjusting my goals to the weather, making sure to keep the entire first half conservative, and then checking in at every point from there on to see how I can push myself faster.

But this was my first time at that distance! I should not have been thinking of it as a race! For no other distance have I taken that approach for my first time out. It wasn't until my third 10k, for example, that I started to think about "racing" that distance, and I would say that I'm still only getting the hang of it. Why was I even thinking about trying to "race" the marathon?

(Because I'm a competitive little freak, that's why.)

So with that in mind...

YAY! I finished my first marathon! And I finished with an average pace that was faster than any of my races before last year, and faster than most of my long runs this summer.

YAY! I didn't overheat! I paid attention to my warning signs and took care of myself: walking at each aid station for water and Gatorade even when I didn't want to, taking my gels even when I didn't want to, and holding myself back once I knew I was at my safety threshold, even though I didn't want to.

YAY! I got to turn it on at the very end, for the kind of finish I like: strong and giving it all out there. With George Michael's "Freedom," my personal running anthem, in my ears, just like I'd envisioned.

So, some highlights of my 2010 Chicago Marathon experience:

• Meeting up with some chatty marathoners on the train on my way down --- our chat kept me from getting too nervous.
• Finding a quiet corner outside of Grant Park to sit down and attach my bib and timing chip, and to take in the beauty of the morning.
• Crossing the bridge in Grant Park and looking at the Chicago skyline, I don't think I'd even seen it from that viewpoint before. Breathtaking.
• Waiting to start and suddenly realizing what an amazing thing it was that I was there at all. I've wanted to run a marathon since I started running, sixteen years ago. I've even started training for one a couple of times before, but it was only at the end of last year that I felt like I could seriously take it on, that I had gotten fit enough and fast enough (and lean and mean enough) to run it with some pleasure, and not just as a one-time bucket-list crazy endurance challenge.
• Being at the start line and praying to myself the e.e. cummings poem "i thank you god" (we pray the first stanza as part of Buddy's goodnight prayers) as a way to center myself, getting to the line "for the leaping greenly spirits of trees / and a blue true dream of sky" and realizing that I was looking up at an amazing blue true dream of sky right then. And feeling connected through that poem to all the parts of my life and to my loved ones.
  
• Running through Lincoln Park Zoo, and the first twelve miles for that matter. Feeling like I could go on forever, that I was flying, but I wasn't worried because it felt effortless. And of course the gay rifle corps in Boystown.
• People watching. I love watching people and listening to their conversations during races.
• Seeing people I knew and having them call out to me. Thanks, Tara! Thanks, Barbara!
• Favorite signs: "Your feet hurt because you're kicking ass," "Beer at end," "Pain is temporary, accomplishment is forever," and my absolute favorite, seen a few times on the course, "Run happy."
• Then, once the heat hit me and we left the shade (for good, grrr), knowing that I was taking care of myself, as frustrating as that was.
• And realizing that I could just make myself keep going, and make myself start again every time I stopped for water/Gatorade/gel/potty/just-because-I-had-to.
• Knowing that I was keeping good form, even though I was tired and upset. And then later seeing the photos to prove it.
• Running through Pilsen! Best crowd of the whole city.
• Passing people. I love passing people.
• Being able to push myself faster again in the last 10k, and then again in the last 2 miles, even though I was taking walk breaks and it wasn't as pretty as I'd been hoping for or as fast as earlier in the course.
• Then making that last turn, pushing up that hill (I love hills) and knowing that the end was so so close and I was going to be able to push myself faster that last 100 meters even if I had nothing left afterwards at all.

And the best thing about the 2010 Chicago Marathon? Knowing that I have now run that far, and can do it again, and that my dreams of running x, y, and z marathons are possible and not me deluding myself.

Oh, and my final time was 5:03:09.

Home Again, Home Again

Full report tomorrow. Right now I'm just glad to be clean, about to be well fed, with "North By Northwest" in the DVD player and a little boy asleep early (though that's due to overexcitement these last two days and a slight fever, so we'll see if he stays that way).

Short report --- frustrated by the weather, disappointed by some foolish mistakes, but ultimately I ran a sensible race (as in, I finished and did not overheat) and am making big plans for the future.

Thanks for all your good wishes!

And Here We Go...

I've been hoping for this day for so long (in the abstract for 15 years, concretely for six months), that at this point I don't even know what to say.

I'm looking forward to just running --- the logistics and crowds are what have me most nervous right now.

I'm incredibly grateful for all the support I've been given.

I'm as ready as I can be.

Let's go!

Last Days

Struggling a bit right now, my cold has a firm cold on me. No hugely obnoxious symptoms today, just this fog and ache that has settled over me. I'm actually kind of grateful in a weird way, it's making me slow down and get inwardly focused in just the way I was hoping to do before Sunday, but is so hard to carve out the time for.

So I'm finishing up a few more things at work and then heading home early, I won't be in again until after it's all over. I feel as if I'm about to embark on a very long journey and I don't quite know who I'll be on the other side. I suspect that's about right.

Bon voyage!

Taper Taper Taper Get Some Madness Here

I have not been enjoying taper. Doesn't sound like anyone else I know is either.

Food has gone all to hell. My schedule has gone all to hell. Yoga has gone all to hell. And everything hurts when I run slow. What happened to all that energy I was supposed to be feeling right now?

Thank God I figured out my "I wake up at 3:00am and can't get any more good sleep" problem. Since April I've been waking up hungry, but not quite hungry enough to realize it. A rabbit's bite of trail mix has solved this.

I can't figure out a pair of shorts I like. My usual ones aren't good for racing (takes too long to adjust them around the waist --- too big). But it's going to be warm on Sunday. I have a pair of capris that fit great around the waist and butt but not the knees, so I've cut them down and will hem them tonight, and try them on my run tomorrow to see if I can make them work for me.

My favorite shoes have died and I can't get replacements for them --- I bought this last pair off of E-bay as it is. I've gotten the model that is supposed to replace my faves, and they feel pretty good to run in, but they don't have the same cushioning, not really my choice for a long run. But there isn't time to experiment with other models at this point. So I'm looking at some serious aggravation of my Morton's Neuroma on Sunday and will just have to run through it. Better than trying to run on dead shoes, which for me always results in shin splints and tendinitis.

It's hard to run slow! I don't like it.

And carbo-loading makes me very nervous (have a history with overeating). I can handle it for the day before a long run, but for several days beforehand? Or when people are telling me in these last weeks, "Oh, you can have whatever you want"? No.

And the last "poor me" you'll hear before Sunday? I HAVE A FREAKIN' COLD. Thank you, Dude.

Notes on an Inward Week

Travel always makes me introspective, and I spent much of the week thinking about where I am in my life, where I want to be, and how I might get from here to there. I'm feeling good about where I've come to after that thinking, and ready to start putting some new things into motion, but between my busy head, the travel, and work, I wouldn't say this was a restful week. I think maybe the whole notion of taper weeks doesn't really apply to working moms. Some good runs, though.

Sunday: Ran 8 miles in Englewood Reserve. I love running here. I love the trees and the wildflowers and the lake, and how the path opens up as you go along the base of the dam and again at the top. I love that the hills make me work.

I did not love that my favorite shoes are now officially dead, and I had to get new ones, a new style even, since my favorites (Brooks Axiom 3) are no longer around. The new ones are not quite right, but at this point I don't have much choice. I'll save my experimenting for the winter.

Monday: Rest / travel day.

Tuesday: Ran 5 miles (yoga).

Wednesday: Swam 21 laps.

Thursday: Ran 6 miles @ 10:10 (yoga). Wasn't planning to run at this speed, it's just where my body felt I needed to be. Pretty awesome.

Friday: Feeling out-of-sorts when I woke up, needing some extra time with Buddy and some extra time to myself. Rest day!

Saturday: Rest / work day (yoga).

Notes on a Scattered Week

Started off all healthy with 20 miles and yoga, moved into high stress (and too much junk food) during the week, then finished off with a trip to Dayton --- sunshine, music, art, and family!

Sunday: CARA 20-miler (yoga).
This was a great event overall, well organized and great practice for the marathon: gear check, pace groups, wave starts, aid stations, after-run party. I was pleased with how it went for me, but I didn't really like running with a pace group, and was happiest when I was running without them. At the end I decided to just go ahead on my own. Good thing for me to know about myself!

Monday: Swam 2/3 mile.

Tuesday: 5 miles (yoga).

Wednesday: 9 miles total, 5 mile repeats @ 9:05 (yoga).

Thursday: Yoga.

Friday: Swam 2/3 mile.

Saturday: Dayton Oktoberfest! Music and art and chasing a little boy around the park. Beer and pretzels and candied almonds. A beautiful run through woods the next day and a trip to Aullwood Audabon Center to look at quilts. What a treat!

Finally!

Just finished my last major workout before the marathon: 5 mile repeats, all between 9:00-9:05. Awesome!

I planned to run 9 miles total but I was listening to Marc Maron's podcast on my way home from the track and kept stopping to laugh. Finally I just gave up and walked the rest of the way home.

Let the taper begin! I believe there is some chocolate in my future.

Notes on an Intense Week

Highest mileage week --- ever --- and the highest week scheduled of my marathon training.

Sunday: 20 miles! And it went well. Had enough fuel in the tank before leaving, had enough with me for along the way. The weather was cooler, I got to go out in the morning instead of after a few hours of toddler-wrangling (it really makes a difference), I got some decent sleep the week before. A run to make me feel more confident about finishing the marathon with some style.

Monday: Rest day (yoga).

Tuesday: 5 miles easy (yoga).

Wednesday: Swam 0.75 mile.

Thursday: 9 miles total, 8x800@4:20 (yoga).

Friday: Swam 0.75 mile.

Saturday: Rest day.

Migraines all week (last week too), with a scary spacey/low-blood-sugar/panic-attack-like-thing on Saturday. So I've got some phone calls to make and appointments to set up. Plus a bit more eating to do! Now is not the time to try to lose weight --- I have to keep remembering that since I do have some more to come off (and just got my copy of Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald, which has me thinking about it). But not right now.

Yasso 800s (Or, Just How Fast Can I Run This Thing Anyway?)

I tried the Yasso 800s this morning for the first time, just to see if my marathon goal is sound. (I had been running mile repeats as my track workout all season, rather than 800s.) I only did eight of them today, rather than the recommended ten, since I'd been set to do 4 mile repeats today, and I still have a couple of weeks left to fit in another attempt if I want.

Okay, here comes a bit of number crunching of no interest except other runners (maybe).

• My goal for the marathon is 4:35 (hours), based on the McMillan calculator and my actual past workouts.
• My goal for the Yasso 800s this morning was 4:30 (minutes), based on my previous results with mile repeats.
• My actual performance was 4:20, and I felt I could certainly have done another 2 repeats at that speed.

So I smoked them, right? I should be reconsidering my goal time, yes? That was certainly my first thought.

Then I started doing some more online research, mostly in an attempt to find an easier way to explain these to a non-running audience. I didn't find that (so I refer you to the original article about them in Runner's World), but I found a lot of dissent about the use of Yasso 800s, either as a predictor, or as a training tool. You can Google this yourself if you're interested.

I had thought a 4:20 marathon was too good to be true for me at this point, so I wasn't truly discouraged by what I read. Mostly what I take from my reading is that the Yasso 800s can be a decent predictor of performance (and not so much a training tool), and only if the necessary support is there (in the form of long runs, tempo runs, etc.). And that it's best to add on 5-15 minutes to that prediction time anyway. Which brings me right back to a goal time of 4:35. Maybe, possibly, cross-my-fingers, 4:25 if everything lines up beautifully that day.

I guess I'm spending so much time thinking about this because over the summer I've been frequently disheartened by my long runs. For a while it seemed like I just. could. not. do them at the paces I thought I should be able to. Everything else was lining up according to past experience and pace calculators, why weren't the long runs? (Leaving aside the issue of a hellish Chicago summer, of course.)

I had basically resigned my self to "just" finishing, as if that weren't accomplishment enough for my first time out. Although it will help with how I go about the marathon that day if I have a good and realistic sense of what I am capable of.

But finally, things seem to be a bit more on pace, ha-ha. The weather has cooled which makes a world of difference, and I feel like I'm getting a better handle on my pre-long-run nutrition needs as well, thanks to The Dude (still struggling with what to take in during my runs, alas).

I'm getting excited... I'm getting hopeful... what I don't want is to get crazy.

To any runners reading this, what has been your experience in predicting race times?

Team in Training

Just had to share this photo... we were at the Chicago Botanic Garden and failed to keep Buddy from falling into a fountain within 15 minutes of arriving... (this is where we sing "bad parent...") But he didn't seem to mind too much in the long run!

Notes on a Work Week (Plus 18 Good Miles!)

Another week's lovely training plan, torn up by work. Ah well.

Sunday: 18 miles @ 12:25 pace (yoga).
This went much better than my previous long runs. I listened to The Dude when he told me I wasn't carbo-loading enough the day before my long runs, and made sure to get some extra Gatorade and healthy snacks before this one. It worked! I'm sure it also helped that I went out earlier in the day, so it was cooler for me than in previous weeks, plus I made sure to extend my walk breaks just a smidge more when I took them, but at no point did I feel like I had to stop. In fact, I was feeling so good at 12 miles that I decided to take the last six without walk breaks (aside from traffic lights, natch), and was then even able to push it more in the last couple of miles. Sweet!

Monday: Work/rest.

Tuesday: Swam 0.9 miles. It's been a while since I swam --- this was harder than I thought it would be --- but it was lovely to swim. I paid for my effort though, sometimes when I swim too hard my tummy gets cranky for the rest of the day. Probably also didn't help that I worked a VERY LONG day.

Wednesday: 5 miles (yoga).
Started off briskly and just kept it up from there. A great run, feeling strong and smooth. The only disappointment was in the last mile I kept hitting traffic lights, train crossings, etc., all against me, and after enough of these I couldn't keep my momentum going and my speed up. Ah well.

Thursday: Work. (This was certainly no rest day, I was slinging boxes and bags of school supplies around all day, and running from one end of the church to the other.)

Friday: Ran to work, 8 miles, at 11:00 pace.
Lovely day, lovely run. And I ran into R on the lakefront, heading the opposite direction. What a lovely surprise! We're getting together for breakfast next week to discuss our marathon training.

Saturday: Work. Again, no rest day here --- hauling school supplies around, then out in the hot sun, bookended both times with driving the church van. So glad to come home today.

It's Coming, It's Almost Here!

No, not the marathon, silly! (Though that's coming up fast too.)

Scary Movie Month!

If you're new to this blog, here's a description of what this is all about. Except this year I have actually included a movie with demonic possession among my choices --- after seeing "The Exorcist" last year and not being horribly upset by it, I figure I can probably handle some others in stride as well.

We've been talking about it for the last couple of weeks, and then yesterday The Dude put together a spreadsheet (a spreadsheet!) with a number of different movies across seven different categories (seven!), and asked me to choose one movie in each category (except I ended up choosing two in most). So then he made his choices and now we have our Netflix queue for the month (a month early) --- 32 possible movies to choose from for SMM.

We'll only end up seeing half of those or so, but it's good to have back-ups in case there's a wait on some of them, or if I end up deciding that no, I don't want to see any demonic possession after all.

Here are the seven categories:

• Classic
• Super Scary
• 80's Kitsch
• Suspense
• Kids
• Quirky
• Comedy

Oh, I'm so excited. A whole month of snuggling up with my sweetie every chance I get, eating homemade popcorn and getting safely scared. I can't wait for Buddy to be able to do this with us.

Balancing Act

For a couple of weeks now, I've been wanting to write something wise and wonderful about balance, the challenge of finding it between work and family and training, needing to adjust things when one area is more demanding than usual while maintaining a calm head and heart. About how I start nearly every day off with tree pose, as a small prayer for balance in my life that day.

I haven't written that something wise and wonderful. I've been too busy. And when I'm not actually busy with work, then I'm busy trying not to be resentful of work, or busy trying not to think about work. Or I'm actually succeeding at those last two and am managing to be in the moment with my husband, my child, myself --- in which case I don't want to be writing about struggling to remain composed at those other times.

The last hectic week in this particular work project is starting, and by Labor Day it will be finished. I go through this every year at this time, and every year it takes me by surprise just how hard it is (and then again in Nov/Dec). I even wrote on my calendar for August, "DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING EXTRA," but then didn't take that quite seriously enough. For future reference, that includes marathon training. Since I can't do anything about Buddy's daycare having their annual teacher training (no kids) at this time.

Time to wake the household and begin.

Long Run #3: Notes on 18 Miles

Three loops, all familiar to me. Lakefront, cemetery, park.

Another hot and humid day in Chicago. Another afternoon run right at the hottest part of the day. I made sure to leave more than enough time for an icebath and shower before dinner, though.

Used a FuelBelt for the first time.

It was unwieldy for the first two miles and then I got used to it. Having it on really made me focus on drinking whenever I felt thirsty and on refilling my bottles every chance I got. For the first time on a long run this summer I felt I got enough water.

I had planned stops for refueling at miles 4, 8, 12, and 16, starting with Gatorade and then gels at the other stops, making sure to take water with the gels. GU strawberry/banana flavor (not as bad as it could have been, I prefer lemon/lime) and Accel Gel lemon/lime. I liked the Accel Gel, it had a slightly chalky feel to it but it was more liquid than the GU, so easier to get down. But in the future I'm going to bring more Gatorade with me (now that I've got my FuelBelt), since after two gels I just couldn't handle anymore, but I need more salt/sugar later in the run.

This was a much more pleasurable run than the last few have been, even though I still had to stop and walk a bit more in the last half than I would have liked. I attribute the improvement to better hydration, nutrition, and a better night's sleep than I usually get.

Despite the rest of my training going to plan, I haven't been able to hit my paces on my long runs. Well, I've hit my heat-adjusted paces, but it just doesn't feel the same --- on a long run those extra minutes really add up. I had a bit of despair about this on my final walk home, hurting, especially since I've signed up to do the CARA 20-mile training run on September 19 at a 11:00 pace (MP+30). But I'll just see what the weather is like that day and adjust accordingly.

Of course, my pace wouldn't matter if I were just looking to finish. But I've really enjoyed my training and have started to have ambitions. Like, maybe someday qualifying for Boston. Mind you, that's a lo-o-ong way off... I'm not even in the age group I hope to qualify for yet.

On the iPod: Fresh Air interviews with Sharon Jones, the creators of South Park, Marisa Tomei, and Jackie DeShannon. Cassandra Wilson's latest album Loverly. Then random songs from my running mix.

Next week --- another 18! At least I don't have to figure out a new route.

Grumble, Grumble, Grrr

I think nothing gets me crankier than having to miss a workout for work. Especially on short notice. I can roll with the punches on a lot of things (and have gotten even better since having a kid), but not this.

I am writing about this now in the hope that by tomorrow morning I will have made my peace with it, when I am heading to work instead of the track or the pool.

I'm also working late tomorrow (just a super long day all around) so I think some kind of special treat will be in order. Probably involving chocolate. I welcome any suggestions.

At least my nose is feeling a bit better...

They Bring Nothing But Pain...

I don't even really know how it happened. We were just sitting on the couch watching "Sunday Morning." And all of a sudden Buddy flung himself at me, or sideways, or somehow, I can't quite recall, and I ended up with a big solid crack to my nose and he ended up face-up in my lap, giggling.

Discussion with the Dude and of course the mandatory Wikipedia search on "broken noses" (but no actual doctor visit, are you kidding?) leads me to believe that he did indeed cause damage to the bone (maybe a hairline crack), but not sufficient to result in massive swelling/bruising/nosebleed/etc. You know, anything that looks like I might have a broken nose so I can get the sympathy I properly deserve. Just localized sharp pain and generalized ache since yesterday, slight vertigo and queasiness at odd moments, and a strong aversion to having anyone or anything come near my face.

I will just feel sorry for myself by myself.

Swimming With the Big Dogs!

I got yelled at in the pool today.

I had just started, only two laps in. And yes, I was passing people. But that happens in a community pool. You pass people, you get passed. I always try to pass carefully, without getting into the other person's space.

We have been having some problems recently this summer (it always seems to be worse in the summer) with very fast swimmers coming into the medium-speed lane and passing aggressively. Like, just taking over the center of the lane and zooming back and forth. So quickly that no one else can use that area to pass in.

Well, anyway, I was on my second lap, at the end of the pool, about to pass on the turn, when the woman I was going to pass popped up out of the water, hit the water with her arm, swore at me, and shouted, "You don't belong here! Go swim in the fast lane!"

I stared at her, said "calm down" or something brilliant like that, and swam away. Very fast. I tell you, I have never swum so fast as in those next ten laps.

But as I was swimming, aside from being angry and thinking of great come-backs/explanations, I thought, maybe she's right. Maybe it is time for me to move over into the fast zone. Maybe I am ready. I've gotten faster, I can swim farther than ever before. What am I waiting for?

And then I thought, if I move into the fast lane I'll only have to deal with people passing me (no big deal), and I won't have to deal with getting around people who don't know how to share the pool. Who swim on their back, wide-armed, slowly veering into the center. Who suddenly stop, ten feet away from the end, and swim over to the other side. Who stop and chat with their friends, taking up the entire length of the shallow end. Who get upset and swear at you when they get passed.

So I moved over. And it was great. I could swim evenly, smoothly, just focusing on my swimming and how things felt in the water, not worrying about having to get around people at every turn. For the first time I could really feel what it was like to get passed and pulled along a bit by that person's passing, how the texture of the water changed as I entered the deeper end, and changed again as I got near the edge of the pool. I felt strong and alive.

And I got passed --- smoothly and evenly --- and I passed a couple of people, and it was all easy and uninterrupted. No big deal.

I was having such a good time that I decided to just go for it and swim another quarter mile farther than I have before, for a mile and a half (54 laps). And it was hard, and I kept going, and told myself all the same things I do when I'm running and it's hard, and did all the same things and I got to the last quarter mile and I started counting down, nine laps to go, eight, seven...

And then I was done. And it was good. And it didn't matter that I got yelled at, or that I was going to be sore later that day. 'Cause I have graduated to the fast lane, and I never thought I'd be here. Boo-yah!

Fleet Feet Women's Festival 10K --- Race Report

Well, I woke up shaky, another bad night. Checked the weather report: 74 degrees and rising, 85% humidity. Ungh. If this race hadn't been in my own backyard, so to speak, I would have called it off. But I knew I could walk down there and the course would be mostly shaded, and I could just make a nice morning of it --- though I was still crossing my fingers that I would be able to do something more.

Despite having planned a late departure time I still managed to leave later than I meant to. I started walking down, jogged a couple of blocks to test out my legs and to save some time. Legs felt heavy. Okay, keep it easy, enjoy the day.

Then at the field the lines to the porta-potties were unbelievable (all-women's event, after all) and thanks to my late departure I was in serious risk of not getting to the start in time. Another runner told us about bathrooms in the nearby boat house and while jogging there I noticed that my legs were feeling springy. Hoo-hah! I might be able to do something after all.

Mile 1

The start was amazing --- all those women, all different types of bodies and types of runners. And with just an awesome friendly (though serious) vibe to it all. I worked on keeping it easy, telling myself "Do not pass!" Looked for women at my speed to follow, then gave up because there were just too many women, too much to look at and listen to. At the first mile mark I saw I had run it in 11:05. My heat-adjusted goal pace was 10:55, so this was a good start.

Mile 2

At this point the course narrowed considerably and there were some sharp tight turns. We all had to slow wa-a-ay down, a bit frustrating. I listed to the conversations around me: mothers talking about their kids, vacation plans, work, all the stuff I talk about with my friends. I had some little side stitches so used one of those narrow turns to slow myself down for a while. At the mile marker I saw I had run this one in 11:20. I wasn't happy about that, but there was still time to make it up, and it was more important not to get hurt.

Mile 3

At mile 3 things changed. I was warmed up and started feeling sassy. The course straightened out and I knew we were nearly halfway. I started to go faster. Estimated time, 10:30.

(From here on all times are a reconstruction based on what I thought I was doing, from what I can remember of the clocks. I stop being able to do math in my head once the numbers get above thirty. Would be nice to have a watch that can do splits!)

Miles 4-5

Just before the 3 mile mark the 5K people dropped away, and I could feel this sense of release from the 10K runners. The course opened up, conversation stopped, everyone became more intense. I knew I could start pushing it. And even though I got serious and tucked in too, I made sure to look around from time to time. I had such a feeling of joy --- this is my turf, this is mine! I know this course, the harbor, the golf course, the wildflowers. I listened to people breathing around me, noticing who was breathing heavier. I felt good and strong, breathing steady, and started passing people. Estimated time for both miles, 9:45.

Mile 6

The final mile --- I picked it up! Passing lots more women, especially on the hills, both going up and down. Then I needed to pull back a little towards the end, when I was nearing my limits but couldn't tell where the finish line was (lots of turns and trees). Estimated time, 9:10.

The End
I saw the finish line and picked it up again, then saw the three mile marker for the 5K course and knew I had only 200 m. left, so I started to sprint. All of a sudden one person flew past me, with no hope of catching her, the first person I'd noticed passing me since the halfway point. I could hear people cheering us on from the sides, stayed focused on the end pushing hard, and then I was done. For the first time in a race I felt I could throw up afterwards (this passed quickly as I kept walking) --- I had left it all on the course.

I walked around a little, got a kefir sample and a bagel, stopped by the Girls On The Run tent and said hello (I was wearing my SoleMates shirt for the race), and walked home. It would have been neat to have had some friends there --- there was a fashion show, free manicures, all kinds of demos and samples --- but that sort of stuff is not much fun on my own. I guess I'll have to start recruiting for next year!

My final time was 1:03:15 for an average pace of 10:11. I placed 685 out of 1469, so better than half, and in my age group I placed 107 out of 269, near the top of the middle third. Compared to other races, I'm moving up! I know there were a lot of beginners at this race, though, so I'll have to run some others to really get a sense of where I am in comparison to other runners. It would be neat to consistently place in the top third of my age group.

I feel really good about this race --- I ran it both by numbers and by feel, using one to inform the other. If I'd used heat-adjusted goals in May (when it was 89 degrees) I wouldn't have made the mistake of trying to speed up after my first mile and "catch" my previous pace. Now, how this will translate to the marathon I don't know. I need to do some more research and see how my long runs go. But I'm so glad to have gotten a good race experience in me this year, working off of my mistakes in previous races.

And here's me telling The Dude about it. Don't I look pleased!

Hot, Hot, Hot... Humid?

I'm running the Fleet Feet Women's Festival 10K tomorrow morning, and have been fretting all week about how to approach it. My training has been all over the place for the last three weeks --- Buddy was sick, then we were on vacation, then Buddy was sick again --- but mostly I'm bothered by the forecast: HOT!

90 degrees hot, though based on the last couple of days, it's likely to be about 80 degrees at race time.

And if that weren't enough, it's also due to storm, so it may well be HUMID, which is what really kills me.

I ran a 10K at the beginning of April and was disappointed with my experience. Then I signed up for 10K in mid-May and it turned out to be hot (about the same as forecast for tomorrow, actually) and I ended up not finishing. Doubly disappointing. So I signed up for two more 10K, the Run for the Zoo at the beginning of June (which I did with Buddy as a fun run), and tomorrow's.

Can you see I probably have a little too much riding on this?

I'm trying to remember that it's about the race experience, not the results. I want to go out strong and steady but not too fast, so that I can push myself increasingly more as the race goes on. I don't yet have a good sense of what "strong and steady and not too fast" should be, and that is what has hurt me in the past. That's what I've been wanting to rectify.

So I did a little research on racing in the heat, and of course I've been training in it these last two months, and I've come up with the following plan.

First of all, I'm bringing my own water with me, my awesome hand-held Amphipod, and will make sure to take sips frequently. (Thank you to the saleswomen at Fleet Feet, who understood my unhappiness with having anything around my waist --- as opposed to the salesmen there who kept recommending different running packs).

Then, given that every five-degree rise in temperature above 60° can slow you down by 20-30 seconds per mile, I am adjusting my goal pace to 10:55. (I train based on a 9:35 10K pace.)

Here are my actual goals, in the order of my likelihood of achieving them:

1. Finish!
2. Finish with a negative split.
3. Finish with a negative split, faster than 10:55 pace.
4. Then, because I'm in better shape than I was three months ago, and because I've been training in the heat, the dream goal would be to finish at or faster than that 10K, despite the weather.

Of course, if it's super steamy, all bets are off, and I make this a fun run on my favorite course.

Wish me luck (and dry skies)!

Uh Oh...

I've been bitten by the triathlon bug.

I've really tried to avoid this. The gear, the expense, the absolute insanity of some of the tri-folk I've encountered online...

"No, no, no," I told myself, every time I started thinking about what it might be like, remembering my ocean/lake swimming and my hours on the bike in high school, the glory of it all... "You're too slow, and can't swim that far anyway."

Except I've gotten faster, and have been swimming longer and longer...

Sigh.

I can't seriously do anything about this until after marathon training anyway, so right now I'm just going to let The Dude fix up his spare bike for me (because he just happens to have an extra woman's frame lying around, go figure), and keep on swimming. But next year...

Notes From Ohio

Still hot, still humid. It's vacation, so all my runs have been at the hottest part of the day. We just can't get the whole household up and organized early enough to do otherwise.

Eight miles today in the Englewood Reserve. All either up or down... or very up or down. Kicked my butt. But awesome.

Wildlife seen during two days of running in the reserve: rabbits and squirrels, one chipmunk, two yearling bucks with fuzz still on their antlers, bluebirds, dragonflies, grasshoppers, and assorted beetles.

Wildlife seen in my son's hair after a morning of running around outside: one slug. Yuck!

Ripped up stuffed squirrels in the backyard look disconcertingly like real dead squirrels, especially early in the morning.

Moments to do a mother proud: toddler son running between me and Nana as we make dinner, begging for pieces of raw zucchini, yellow peppers, and green beans to eat.

Small boy hands are apparently impervious to thistles. But small boy faces --- excruciatingly sensitive to beagle whiskers. Go figure.

More moments to do a mama proud: enthusiastic (and unprompted) hugs of grandparents' knees upon all arrivals and departures from various grandparental dwellings.

We head home tomorrow, boo-hoo. But back again in September!

Long Run #1: Oh Yes, I Am That Stubborn

Here's how I looked before my hot, sweaty, painful 15-mile-run yesterday.
Thankfully no one was home to take my photo when I got home.

It was HOT. I made sure to start off re-e-e-al slow, and to take water breaks every 3-4 miles. Half way through I stopped to use the bathroom at the park and while I was there I soaked my hat in cold water, a genius move. Thankfully I had planned it so that the second half was the shadiest and breeziest, otherwise I don't know that I would have finished it. But I did! Longest distance run ever (I have covered longer than that before, but at a run/walk).

Then waffles with peanut butter and honey while in my ice bath, then dinner, a couple of episodes of King of the Hill, and early to bed.

And no pain today, hurrah!

Odds and Ends

How do you know when you're a serious runner? When you buy two pairs of running shoes in one day...

My shin is steadily getting better --- lots of arnica, stretching, and being careful with my running: no sprinting and going easy down hills.

Made my first veggie loaf last weekend and have been enjoying it in sandwiches all week. There is room for improvement but overall I'm quite pleased with myself.

I have my first 15 mile run of the season today and am very excited. It's going to be hot and I can't head out until after lunch, so I will make sure to go slow, have water and salts handy, and take breaks as I need to. I'm hoping it rains again, that will make it easier.

Swimming has felt incredible this week --- easy, steady, endless. Thursday I swam 2k, the longest I've gone since since high school. Blissful.

We went to the beach for the first time with Buddy last weekend, with my friend J and her son E. E very kindly shared his beach toys. Buddy LOVED it. Here's my favorite picture of the two of us.
(I didn't think I'd get in the water so that's my sports bra, not a bathing suit).

What stood out in your week?

Wah, Wah, Wah

So, the good news is that my left foot has been steadily getting better, even with the increased milage, and this week I haven't noticed it at all.

The bad news is that my right shin has been giving me some serious grief. As in, OW!

I am truly aggrieved by this because I haven't suffered from shin splints in a long time. Isn't that a beginner's problem? Okay, so I've upped my milage a bunch this week...

And of course I'd much rather it be shin splints than the alternative (a stress fracture).

Also of course I didn't baby it nearly enough, early enough, and so now it's hurting far more than shin splints usually do. That makes me nervous. However, it is responding to arnica and to ice, and it doesn't hurt extra when I press on it, so I am taking those as signs of hope.

I will take some running days off and see how it progresses with more ice and arnica. The weather's supposed to be beastly the next couple of days anyway --- a good time for some extra swimming!

Now if I could just stop worrying about it...

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Reports...

To bring exciting news --- today I ran a mile in under 9:00!

8:58, to be exact, the second of two mile repeats in my track workout today.

I realize this is ridiculously slow to some people, but it's quite an achievement for me.

Makes me think a sub-8:00 mile might yet be possible...

To The Start Of Summer!

Marathon training season officially started for me today with a lovely 10-mile run, longest run of the year so far. Took the first five miles nice and easy (it was humid today), slowed down a bit over miles six into seven, then started feeling not only revived but sassy, so took the last three miles quick. But true to my resolution to run by feel and not by time, I did not wear a watch, so I don't know my pace. Just that it felt really good to run hard and that I surprised myself at how good it felt and how long I kept going hard --- I had been nervous about the run today since it had been about a month since my last long run, at 9 miles.

And then I came home and had my snack while lying in an ice bath. Fun times!

Music listened to: Nikka Costa's most recent album, "Pebble to a Pearl," and "Just Because I'm A Woman: Songs of Dolly Parton" with covers by a wide variety of artists such as Alison Kraus, Sinead O'Connor, Me'Shell Ndegoecello, Shania Twain, and others.

Share Your Soles 10K Race Report

D.N.F. Did not finish.

In the end, it was just too hot for me. 89 degrees, long stretches without any shade, no breeze.

I ran the first half feeling okay. I kept myself pulled back the first mile, but then panicked a bit when I saw just how slowly I'd run it. So I picked up the pace and ran my next two miles progressively faster, feeling okay, and steady, slowing a bit when there was some shade to enjoy it, then running a bit quicker through the hot bits to get through them.

In retrospect, this was the exact wrong strategy, because then we ran out of shade and there were only hot bits left. But I'd already gotten myself hot trying to make up for lost time.

I have trouble with overheating, and once I got into that sun I realized I was uncomfortably close to my limits. I ended up completing the course - first giving up trying to best my previous time, then on finishing the second half faster than the first, and then I gave up on running altogether. I took off my timing chip and walked the rest of the way in, passing, along the way, the ambulance picking up those who didn't stop quite soon enough.

Overheating is such a frustrating experience. My legs felt fine, my breathing was fine, but my head - oh, she was not quite right. I've had enough experience with heat and with migraines to know that when my head is "not quite right" I need to immediately pull back, re-group, and get outside assistance if need be. Especially since that feeling usually comes with its playmates: bravado and stupidity.

So, I finished. I gathered up my gear bag. I ate my salty snacks and drank my Gatorade. I started the long walk back to the train stop. At my transfer station I had a long wait: long enough to feel completely fit again, long enough to feel completely dissatisfied with my morning's experience, long enough to doubt my decision and wonder why I left my darling child on a Sunday morning and why I bothered to race at all.

And then I got home, to my nice, shady, green neighborhood, and I decided I wanted to go for another run.

I went out for three miles, assuring The Dude that I would be careful (sort of). A few blocks in I realized what I really wanted to do was take it easy for the first half, pick up my pace for the second half, and finish with a strong kick for the last 400 meters. That I just hadn't gotten enough oomph in my day and I was going to get it now.

And so I did. And it was great. And once I finished and was walking around cooling down I realized this was exactly what I had visualized for myself as I trained for the race, for weeks now, and what I hadn't gotten from the race itself. And also that it was this feeling (starting steady, picking it up, picking it up, picking it up and then kicking. it. in.) and not the time, that I was really looking for in my race experience.

Ah-hah!

So, going forward, that's how I want to train and race. By feel more than by the clock. It makes sense - I'm never going to be fast - and weather conditions (and how much I've been sleeping) are always going to be out of my control. And that's okay. I loved running when I was super slow and getting faster has opened up some lovely new possibilities for me, but if I want to become like that "running granny" I wrote about last week then I've got to love the experience of it and not the results.

I got so excited by my new insights that I signed up for more races, just for fun. Next up, on June 6 - a 10K at the zoo with Buddy and some friends, untimed. And then July 18 another 10K at my favorite race location, Montrose Harbor, for pre-marathon practice in "racing by feel" - and dealing with the heat.

The day - redeemed. The excitement - back. The times - well, we'll see.

Ready?

I've got a race tomorrow, the Share Your Soles 10K.

I'm as ready as I can be, I guess. I know I'm stronger than I was at my last 10K six weeks ago - I've done some good speed workouts and long runs since then.

Mentally I definitely feel more prepared. I've done some "mindful" runs without music, have studied the course map and know approximately where the miles are, have figured out realistic goals for each mile and will write them on my arm tomorrow morning. I know it will be hot and am prepared for that. I know the course is not flat (it's Chicago, so I can't exactly say it's hilly, but it's not flat) and it's a out-and-back course so whatever elevation I find on my way out I will also find on my way back.

I've been fighting a cold for two weeks now and today it got a little uglier, so I'm not happy about that, and I didn't sleep well last night. Plus this week my ankle has been a bit noisier. But I'm going from the keyboard to some relaxing yoga, Tension Tamer tea and ice on the ankle, and then bed, so that's about all I can do about those things.

Wish me luck and cooler temps all morning!

Oops, I Did It Again!

Getting ready to go out for my run this morning, reached into my bag to grab my iPod, and... nothing. I left it at work last night.

Sigh.

Today's was an easy 4-mile run, and again, I think it worked out for the best that I didn't have my tunes. I needed to make this easy, so that I don't wear myself down before Sunday's race, and I have a hard time keeping myself to an easy pace once I get warmed up and excited, especially if I've got rocking good music to run to.

So what did I do instead?

~ Focused on my breathing again, making sure I kept everything nice and easy, smooth and constant.

~ Looked for irises, one of my favorite flowers. I always forget about them until they're in bloom since they're not often used in bouquets. But I love how rich they are, all different colors and textures, and how fragile they look but how tough they really are.

~ Admired gardens. Lots of pretty gardens in these neighborhoods, plus some "interesting" ones. I espeically liked the front yard all lined with wood chips for the three big fluffy dogs residing there.

~ Said "good morning" to anyone who looked like they might respond, and nodded at anyone who didn't.

~ Fantasized about someday qualifying for Boston. (Hah! Maybe if I'm still running when I'm eighty - and don't get much slower in the meantime.)

~ Sang to myself at the beginning of the run, when I needed a little help getting on. "Yell Fire" by Michael Franti.

~ Enjoyed all the green! Today was a beautiful sunny day, the first in a while, and by now all the trees are in full leaf and all the grass is grown back from winter. Everything looked lit from within, all that chlorophyll busy throwing off oxygen and energy. Glorious!

I may just start doing all my pre-race runs without music!

Hero of the Day

Wow! I just read about Mavis Hutchison, South African ultra-runner, who is in her eighties. Today is the anniverisary of her 1978 run across America. That's right, the whole country.

Here's the article in Runner's World, with a super-cool photo of her in her racing singlet. I'm printing this one out and putting it on my wall of inspiration at work.

Run on, Mavis!

Oops

I left my iPod at home today. I was halfway down the block with Buddy when I realized I didn't have it - I knew I'd been travelling light this morning but not that light - if I hadn't had him I would have turned around and gotten it. So today was my first track workout ever without my tunes.

I was a little nervous about it since track workouts always require some extra oomph and music is the easiest way to get that. But I figured this would be good practice for the race on Sunday (Share Your Soles 10K) and just good practice in general. Also, it was a fairly easy workout as far as track workouts go, 6x400m.

And you know what? I think it worked out for the best! Right from the start I focused closely on my breathing, my form, and how my legs felt. I was trying for as consistent a feel as I could get, checking my time halfway through each repeat to confirm my pace and then adjust as need be. I used my breathing to slow me down when I suspected I might be going too fast, and then changed my breathing pattern at the very end when I wanted that last extra oomph and didn't know where I was going to get it from. And my repeats were the most consistent they've ever been, all at 2:13 with maybe a second's variance in either direction once I got through the first one.

Of course, it's one thing to focus this intensely when I'm only doing 400m at a time. After next week, when I start my marathon training in earnest, my track workouts are all mile repeats and that's a long time to focus so closely, especially given how slow I run. I will really want my music then. But I might try turning off the iPod for some of those repeats... you know, just to see how it feels.

Tracking My Obsession - Part 2 - Off to the Races!

Once I moved to Chicago, in 2000, the running scene was hugely different. Chicago is a city full of runners and great running places. I mean, you can't go anywhere without seeing runners, and if you're anywhere close to the lake you can barely keep from tripping on them. I had taken a break from regular running during my last months in Massachusetts as I become more and more involved in martial arts study, but now I started again, and even signed up for another marathon training program that did not involve fundraising.

Part of this training program involved my first road race, the 2001 Chicago Distance Classic. It was not love at first race. It was brutal. It was hot, of course, August on the lakefront, and a distance I had not covered before (20K, or about 12.5 miles). Nor was I in any way prepared for it. I finished - I even managed not to finish last - but I had no fun, and stopped my training program shortly thereafter.

Over the next four years I started and stopped and started running again. I stopped because of injury, or because my life got complicated - I started because there was nothing that made me feel as good as running did.

I had just started running more regularly again when I met The Dude, in 2005. There is nothing like being involved with another runner to affirm your own love for it. The Dude did not think I was crazy for heading out in all kinds of weather. The Dude understood how I felt after a good run, and that even a bad one was better than no run at all. And The Dude inspired me with his stories of marathons and half-marathons and running with his mom and their tradition of running the Ohio River Road Runners Turkey Trot together every year. That year I ran the Turkey Trot for the first time with him. There were old guys in sweatshirts and young women in tights, middle school kids, lots of middle-aged folk just like me, dogs barking furiously from the sidelines. It was hard, it was cold and windy and rainy, and it was AWESOME.

Chicago is a city where you seriously could run a race every single weekend of the year and not leave city limits. Add in the surrounding suburbs and you could make it every Saturday and Sunday. After that first one, if I'd had more money and time I would have run another race every month, I loved it that much. Instead I got married and worked weekends, ran a couple more a year later, then got pregnant. I kept thinking about races, though, kept planning, kept hoping. Kept having dreams of running a marathon.

So to start running again last year, to improve so much through better training, to be consistent in my training, to find ways to safely continue through injury, to build on the work of last year instead of starting all over again yet again, and to be in a place where I can realistically train for that long-awaited, 14-years-in-the-making marathon... why this is heaven indeed.

Marathon Running With Girls On The Run

So I'm training for the Chicago Marathon, raising funds for the organization Girls On The Run (GOTR).

I think what excites me most about their organization is the non-competitive nature of it. That all girls, regardless of their ability, can take part in the training and the fun and the accomplishment of finishing a 5K.

It's also important to me that the advantages attributed to exercise for girls - better self-esteem, making healthy choices, improved body image - are made explicit through the GOTR lessons. It's done in a fun, playful way for the elementary school girls, more seriously for the middle schoolers.

I loved being active as a kid. I was always taking some class - ballet, gymnastics, jazz dance, horse-back riding, even rhythm gymnastics. I went hiking and cross-country skiing with my parents, swam by myself and with my dad, and biked everywhere.

And then, you know, as a girl things can just change for you in high school. At least they did for me.

I had always been aware that I was heavier than other girls (no surprise, as I started sneaking food starting at age 8), and was unhappy with my body. With puberty this unhappiness just exploded. All my physical activity became focused on losing weight. I still biked and hiked and skiied, but the fun in it dwindled as I obsessed about the calories I was or was not burning, and made plans to stop eating that I couldn't ever fulfill. I read the teen magazines and did the exercises promising to get you a bikini body by summer - I didn't. And then I got to college and gave up, and my weight and my health paid the price.

It took a while to get back to enjoying physical activity just for the fun of it. I've written recently about how I got started running after college and fell in love with it; I also started studying martial arts at that time and got introduced to the spiritual aspect of sport. And I had always remained a walker, covering long distances, both out of necessity since I didn't drive, and out of satisfaction in being able to get everywhere on my own feet. But I needed to work out some of the crap I'd accumulated in my head about my body and food and fitness and health before I could truly let go of my compulsive eating and thereby truly enjoy moving just for its own sake. I'm grateful to say it's been a good number of years that this has been true.

My hope for the girls taking part in Girls On The Run is that by taking part in the training, in the lessons and by being part of a team, that they may never lose their love of movement for its own sake. It is a blessing, every day, to be able to run, to have a healthy body that is for your own use, not someone else's. Girls On The Run shows these girls that blessing, and so I am grateful to be able to train with them and for them as a member of their SoleMates team.*

*Even if it is a cheesy, cheesy name.

Just An Ordinary Run

Good day for a run today. Somewhat cool but not cold, air comfortably damp, no noticeable wind. I went out for 5 miles on my favorite run-before-work route, which takes me from Buddy's daycare up a smooth gradual hill, through a pretty residential neighborhood with lots of flowering trees, then some not so interesting bits until I hit the park that I love, from which I then go back into nice neighborhoods until I get home.

On my easy runs I am working on keeping a slower steady pace. It's very easy and very tempting to start off quick, but then I fight through the last two miles. If I manage to avoid this initial temptation I then struggle with the urge, once I'm warmed up, to deliberately pick up the pace, thereby turning it into a tempo run. But I need to remember that at the end of the summer I will be attempting to run 26.2 miles, and the only way to do that is to learn how to temper my pace. I have enough other opportunities for speedwork, so I tell myself, "Anne, sometimes an easy run gets to stay an easy run."

Lots of birds today, skimming across the fields, lots of May flowers, good music on my shuffle. Just an ordinary day, and what a blessing.

Tracking My Obsession - Part 1 - Telephone Poles and Trails

I realize that to many of my friends, my obsession with running may have come as a surprise. And even looking over the first few entries from last spring, I see that I show no sign of the single-mindedness that was about to spring forth.

But I have been running for 14 years now, since 1996, and fell in love with it immediately.

I don’t know why I started, though it was probably to lose weight and because I didn’t have easy access to a gym nor money for a bike. I started by running to one telephone pole, then walking to the next, then running again, and so on, until I could string a decent number of telephone poles together. And then there was no stopping me, especially once I realized that I could possibly run forever if I ran slowly enough.

I had two favorite routes, one on the road heading out of town where I could run on the broad shoulder with little fear of traffic, passing farmland. I loved to run this at night and in the winter, with the moon and stars above me, watching my breath in the dark.

In the day, and when the trails weren't made treacherous by ice, I ran into the woods and along old train tracks, passing the backs of farms with a view of the nearby hills, golden in the sun.

Most of my running was completely solitary, with no one around, and never any other runners. I didn't think of myself as part of the running community, being too slow and too fat, and not interested in road races. But even then, I dreamed of running long distances, of being a "real runner," of doing marathons and maybe even an ultra someday.

After a year or so of this I moved to my old college town where I had access to the track and cross-country trails at my alma mater. More rolling hills through farmland, more tree-shaded paths. Glorious. And now too, more runners - sometimes from the college, sometimes from the town - and even occasionally a local cross-country race, with wiry old men in singlets and young women in shorts and middle school kids all mixed in together, dogs barking furiously from the sidelines.

I still didn't think of myself as a runner, though I seriously considered training for a marathon through the Team in Training program. I even went to an information session for it, but in the end the fundraising involved scared me too much, as did the prospect of hours spent slogging around the track. No, my racing days were still to come.

Wrigley Start Early 10K 2010 Race Report

Good grief, this has taken entirely too long to write.

It did take me about a week to be nice to myself when I thought about it. In the end I realized that most of my difficulties were in my head, not my feet.

Here's what went well:

1. It was a beautiful day.
2. And a scenic course.
3. I ran it with good friends! Thanks, Allison! Thanks, Kim!
4. It was for a good cause, child abuse prevention.
5. And it was good practice - both in what do I need to do differently in races from now on, and in handling disappointment.
6. I met my first goal (sub-10:00 miles) - a final result of 1:01:21, an average pace of 9:54 per mile.

Here's what I want to do differently in the future.

1. Be honest about my goals to myself.
   
2. Then know beforehand what mile splits I need to hit to reach those goals.
3. And know where the mile markers are!
   
4. Find ways to focus myself and be present when things get hard, for my legs or for my head.
   

In the end my actual accomplishment was all I could have asked for. Yes, I went out too fast at the beginning, but I was able to stay steady for most of the rest of the way, to gut it out when it got really hard, and to kick it up a wee little bit at the end.

Thanks to good training, I've gotten better. I've gotten faster. So now I want to see that better and faster in my races. But that means pushing myself in new ways, and that means I need to make friends with discomfort. Because it isn't comfortable to run fast for long periods of time. But it would have been a LOT easier this past Saturday if I hadn't been going through all my unnecessary mental gymnastics at the same time.*

And now it's gotten especially important for me to learn this since I've gone ahead and signed up to do the Chicago Marathon on October 10. And of course, being me, I'd like to do more than "just finish."

But this has also confirmed something important for me to know - in the face of disappointment and frustration, my first instinct was to figure out what I could do better, and then look for the opportunity to put that into practice.

(I'll practice first on another 10K at the end of May, though, not on the marathon. I'm not that foolhardy.)

And now I am finally done with this race report. I can go back to writing about the important things in life, such as the newfound realization that the skin around my knees has seriously lost its elasticity - I think it's time to embrace running capris.

*Such as, uncertainty around where the mile markers were and how fast I was going, frustration when I knew for certain I had gone out too fast and for too long, and disappointment when I thought I had really missed my mark. Which really impaired my ability to enjoy the race for what it was - a glorious spring day on which I was running faster, for longer, than I ever have before.

Here We Go!

Wrigley Start Early 10K today. My training has been going well - better than expected in fact - but the last two weeks have been rough personally and I'm feeling a bit depleted. So my first goal for today is to keep a 10:05 pace - while my "cross-the-fingers" goal is to finish in under an hour.

I'll have to write more later - right now I need to feed myself and the kid and get myself dressed and ready to go in under an hour. Oh yes, and teach Buddy how to make his singing horse sing on his own so I don't have to keep doing it.

Keep your fingers crossed!

It's On!

I have mailed in my registration for the Wrigley Start Early 10K run on Saturday, April 10. This will be my third time running this event, the second time at this distance (they have both a 10K and a 5K).

I have good memories with this event. The first time I ran the 10K, in 2007, it was the first race I ran where I felt comfortable with the distance. I had already run that far a few times in training and wasn't scared of the distance - I knew I could run that far and so I could look at improving my performance, not just getting through it. (I know this is how I should have done all of my previous races, but oh well). I remember feeling that I had done a good job and run it smartly.

Then last year I ran the 5K (here's the race report). It was my first race since the 10K two years ago, and I was glad to be running it at all. And especially glad that I felt I ran it well.

Since then I have logged many more runs, both longer and faster. I've been careful with my training this last month since my ankle is still tender (but slowly getting better), but after the last couple of weeks I feel I can not only do this distance, but in fact run it as a race, so I'm excited about that.

What makes one run a run and another one a race? For me, it's not only about running faster than I usually do at that distance, but about really pushing myself to do more than I have before. Hoping that the careful mix, over time, of long runs, tempo runs, and speed intervals, plus race day adrenaline of course, will combine into the ability to push myself farther than I can do so otherwise.

This year I'm heading up a group from church as part of our Child Abuse Prevention Awareness Month outreach. We'll likely be a small group - but we will be full of heart! I'm looking forward to it all.

Ode To My Training Log

Oh Training Log, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

1. You show me that last year's "long swim" is now shorter than my routine one.
2. That over time I run consistently stronger/faster/longer even if from week to week (or even month to month in busy times) it doesn't feel that way.
3. That I weigh less than I have in four years.
4. That, whereas I now consistently run or swim 5x a week, previously I struggled to do more than 3 sessions of aerobic exercise in a week's time (including walking).
5. That I have been more consistent with my yoga practice over the years than I remember.

I have kept an unbroken training log for over three years now, marking down my weight, workouts, migraines, and menstrual cycle, along with notes about how illness, travel, weather, holidays or work kept me from working out (those don't stop migraines or my period, sadly). At various points I have also kept track of my attempts at regular meditation or efforts to cut back on sweets (both mostly failed), along with various other things that now I can't remember, my notes being too cryptic to decipher. Maybe caffeine consumption?

My log shows me when I was first pregnant, when I first thought there was something wrong with that pregnancy, and when I had that fear confirmed. It also shows me when I was pregnant again, when pre-labor started, and then, a week later, proper labor, and then two days later, finally, Buddy.

I've experimented with format, I've tinkered with the size, and who knows if the current form of my log will continue to meet my recording needs. No matter. I'll come up with something new and continue to be grateful.

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / My soul can reach..." (Elizabeth Barrett Browning).