Baby, It's COLD Outside

On Monday I went to the gym based on a forecast of ice drizzle that never materialized. I had a pretty hard dreadmill experience (I'll just say that it was an exercise in mental fortitude), and it would have been a perfect day to run outside. Nice fresh snow, sunny, quite cold but not horribly so. I was determined not to make that mistake again. My new winter mantra: when in doubt, run out!

So today I bundled up. Today, it was 1 degree when I left the house. Yes, 1 degree above zero. Fahrenheit. And not sunny. Oh, and windy.

One kid dropoff, 8 miles, and two hours later, it was a balmy 6 degrees. Still pretty windy. A little sun.

Here's what I wore:

Regular trouser socks underneath my regular, year-round ankle-height running socks. I have some thin wool running socks on order but they haven't arrived yet, and my old winter running socks bit the dust last year. At least the trouser socks were acrylic, not cotton.

Long underwear under my lightweight running pants.

A short-sleeve thin running shirt, long enough to cover my butt. This is an ugly shirt from a race I'm not wild about, but it's a perfect underlayer, so I've kept it.

A thin long-sleeve overshirt. Again, another shirt I'm not wild about, but it's good as an overlayer, especially since the sleeves are long (this became important).

My Hot Chocolate 15K tech hoodie from last year. This is a great cold weather top.

The baby has claimed my neck gaiter and my replacement one hasn't come in yet, so a wide acrylic scarf, wrapped around my face and neck several times.

A tech running beanie hat.

Chapstick smeared liberally all over my face as a wind break. You laugh, but it works!

The hood of my hoodie kept all my head and neck gear in place.

Running gloves. These on their own were definitely not enough. All the way to daycare my hands were freezing and I was thinking that this would be the weak link in my outfit, the one that had the potential to spoil my long-run plans. Luckily, just before I was about to raid the kids' clothing boxes for extra socks I remembered my shirt has really long sleeves, and I was able to pull them out and cover up my hands in the gloves. Perfect!

Once my feet warmed up I was pretty good for the whole run. The wind was an issue and impacted my choice of route - I had wanted to run along the lakefront but that just wasn't an option for me today. When I started I really didn't know if I would be able to complete my intended eight miles, but figured that at the very least this would be an information-gathering exercise in what kind of gear I might need to keep running outside this winter. I will say that it is unusually cold for Chicago, we get testy when it dips into the teens, let alone the single digits. And most winters I've been sidelined by injury and haven't tried to do regular long runs outside. So I really don't have a "winter running gear" selection, just some odds and ends that I throw together for the few times I have gone out. But apparently that works! I will be happy to get those wool socks, though.

I could use some hot chocolate right now...

Not yet warmed up -
Annie

November Randomness (How Is It Already November 18?!)

Thursday was an absolutely beautiful day for a long run, simply gorgeous, the best I'm likely to have until spring.

Too bad I got the kids' cold and it worked itself into my chest. No long run for me. Tea and restorative yoga instead.

I would be more sanguine about it if I hadn't had this run on the books for a couple of weeks now, and if I weren't doing a virtual half in ten days time. Well... oh well. I can trust that I can pull 13.1 miles out of me next Saturday (slowly) IF I respect where I am now and don't try to do too much. Regardless of how beautiful the weather is. Grumble, grumble, grouse.

(Written three days ago now, the cold is mostly gone. Plus it should be sunny - though COLD - for my half on Saturday.)

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Awesome workout this morning, the kind that makes me feel like a rock star all day. Triple punch at the gym: rowing, cycling, and running. Felt great, wanted to do more (I had kept the times really short). I love those days.

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But it's a sunny day today, and so I'm doing good. This time of year (October - December) is really hard for me. And it always takes me a while to put two and two together as to why I'm feeling low. Or rather, why my lows feel so very low.

Thankfully I think I figured it out a bit earlier this year and can start on the self-care: making sure I get some exercise every day, making sure I get some drawing/painting time every day too, being careful around sweets and alcohol. Being gentle with myself (most important). And indulging myself in anything that gives me pleasure: novels, movies, music, relaxing with my kids.

That's probably part of why Scary Movie Month means so much to me each year (movies, extra time with my husband, yummy treats, fun stuff with the kids). Something to keep in mind for the future.

Forty-one years old and still learning about myself.

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I had noticed that my reading had shifted, from my usual art theory/history and theology, to novels and memoirs and running books. A good one I just finished: The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern. And I'm currently reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz and Blasphemy by Sherman Alexie (short stories). And there are plenty around the house to keep me busy through the winter, plus the ones requested through the library.

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Any good books you'd recommend? Any good movies?

Yours in quiet exuberance,
Annie

Scary Movie Month - The End

Yes! We did it. Ten years since the show came to its network conclusion (as opposed to its ongoing life in graphic novels), and five years since we started watching it, we finally managed to finish Buffy Vampire Slayer. Now to knock Angel out...

Frankenweenie (Tim Burton - 2012)
If you've watched a lot of Tim Burton, as we have, then there's a lot about this movie that is awfully familiar, almost a bit too familiar. But we liked it anyway. I was really taken by how lovingly and carefully the dog was depicted, in all its very dogginess. And then we enjoyed all the shoutouts to different monster movies from the past. Not one for the boy though, not yet, anyway. (He's been busy watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" as often as he can get us to let him.)

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
Another classic, but this one is a goodie as well as an oldie. Creepy and interesting and moving. Perhaps the best of all the Universal monster movies (though I still need to see "Creature from the Black Lagoon").

And then finally...

Halloween (John Carpenter - 1978)
One of his best. A perfect way to go out. (Aside from watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" with the kidlets.)

And we are done. So done. We had contemplated seeing some others over the next weeks, but not anymore. Time to get caught up on some other movies, time to get caught up on sleep.

Yours sleepily,
Annie

Scary Movie Month - Part 2

And then after the marathon was over we could really settle ourselves down and get in some serious viewing...

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002 with Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis)
This may be one of my favorite movies ever. Elvis in a nursing home, a soul-sucking mummy, and JFK somehow put into the body of a black man, now elderly as well. And yet it is one of the most moving films I've ever seen about aging, regrets, family, and what makes a life well lived. Plus some kick-assery by the elderly Elvis and JFK, working as a team.

Dark Star (John Carpenter & Dan O'Bannon - 1974)
Not scary, but the first effort by two men who went on to make horrifically scary movies, so we watched out of historic interest. I was falling asleep so I missed the last twenty minutes but I wish I'd managed to stay up for it all. Atmospheric and interesting, if perhaps not as funny as they'd hoped.

The Hand (1981 with Michael Caine)
Caine was good in this, but then I felt the ending threw all that good work away. We did get some good conversation throughout about the characters, though, so the experience of watching it was fun, even if in the end it was disappointing.

The Wolf Man (1941 with Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi, and Lon Chaney)
A classic. And it's a sign of how much Scary Movie Month has become part of my life that I actually watched this one on my own. I've seen the beginning of this at least three times (and then fallen asleep), so I was determined to make it through this time. I dozed off a little here and there but made it to the end! And then realized that I hadn't missed all that much of it before - it's just a short movie, and the end, when it comes, happens pretty quickly. So this was more about filling in my monster movie gaps than being particularly engaged with it. A good choice for solo viewing.

The Birds (Alfred Hitchcock - 1963)
Oh, fantastic. A pleasure to watch, to think about, to wonder at, and then to be scared by. No false notes here.

Gojira (1954)
Another one I watched on my own, but this time because I really like it. A movie to be savored, thought about, and listened to (the music and the sound effects are well worth paying close attention to). I had forgotten enough about how it was structured to be surprised, especially once Gojira is on the streets attacking the city. So much to think about with this one. What would it have been like to see this in 1950s Japan? How very different from the bowlderized American version that was made.

In the Mouth of Madness (John Carpenter - 1994)
Oh, I wanted this to be better than it was. It had such promise at the beginning. What I would change? The actress, the ending.

And then heading into the last weekend, and determined to finish out Buffy...

Scary Movie Month - Part 1

You wouldn't know it by my posting, but I have been watching scary movies all month long. This may even be the most movies in a single month that I've ever seen. I suspect if I tried to give a full report on every movie the way I have in some years I would never finish, so here's the short version. This post covers everything we watched up until the marathon (Oct. 13).

ParaNorman (Christ Butler - 2012)
Very sweet. And smart. And spooky. Some big themes and ways of handling them - if this had been live-action it certainly would have been for adults. Chris Butler worked on Coraline (one of our faves) and Corpse Bride so he certainly cut his teeth on some good stuff. A great start to the month.

Dreamscape (1984 with Dennis Quaid, Max van Sydow, and Christopher Plummer)
As my cousin put it (we were debating this one on Facebook): "It hasn't aged very well but chock full of great ideas! A solid B movie, ripe for a remake! I mean, dream therapy, dream assassins, that boy and his monster, so much to love!!!" Exactly.

The Gate (1987)
Some good classic scary bits, lots of silly stuff, lots that doesn't really hold together from a character or a story perspective. Probably ultimately forgettable.

Hotel Transylvania (2012)
Nothing scary here, but very enjoyable and surprisingly sweet. Lots of SNL alums involved: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Robert Smigel, Molly Shannon, etc. My only criticism here is one I have of a number of kids' movies - using "popular" actors and music will date it more than necessary, and there is no need for a big musical production at the end. My oldest wanted to watch it again immediately after finishing it and I suspect we'll end up owning it.

Drag Me to Hell (Sam Raini - 2009)
Oh, what was I thinking? I forgot how scary (and gross) this can be. I think I was only remembering the funny bits. (Time spent under the blanket hiding my eyes - 30%?)

And then lots of single episodes of the last season of Buffy, since we were determined to finish it finally. Started off the month with 12 episodes remaining...

So Now What?

Of course I've given this a lot of thought this week. The Dude's first question to me when I got home was "Do you think you want to do another one?" and my answer is a resounding "Yes!" And I may have sorta promised not to do one until 2015... but I may kinda be doing some retroactive finder-crossing on that... you know, if the right one comes along sooner...

Here's what I do know. I'm going to take a break from active training until March 1. This gives me the winter off (holiday/ice season) and also happens to end with my birthday. I will enjoy my running / swimming / rowing / yoga / hiking without thinking about it being for anything. I'll want to build up my distance and speed again starting in a couple of weeks, but not with a particular race in mind. Then in February I'll start to think about the season and making plans.

As for marathons, I think I need to develop some guidelines for myself. This is what I've come up with so far:

1. My knee pain at the end (mostly gone now, by the way) was, I think, my usual IT band stuff, aggravated by all the pavement pounding - I had always done some of my long runs off pavement so I hadn't been prepared for that. If I want to do another city marathon I need to a) work on rehabbing that ITB more seriously than I have, and b) get more serious about my walk breaks.
2. For the same reason I want to look more into trail running, my first love. That will involve needing to get my driver's license back (I rarely drive and forgot to renew it last time so now I have to take the test all over again) and then getting more comfortable driving. But we have an automatic now so I have no excuse not to anyway.
3. I was so inspired by all the people running as part of a charity team that I'd like to take part in that myself. Maybe that will be how I do the other ones in the World Marathon Master series(Tokyo, London, New York, Berlin, Boston - certainly the only way I could get into that one). I have raised money through both my marathons but with both I trained and ran alone - I think it might be fun to do it as part of a team.
4. And I think my goals for my next one are a) to have fun and b) to finish strong. No time goal, but to run more consistently throughout, and not needing to walk at the end as I have had to both times now.

I took the week off from running and am now excited to go again! I will be slow and steady in returning though. Seriously. No finger-crossing there.

Yours excitedly -
Annie

The Struggle

Those who are regular readers know that I have struggled all summer long between conflicting mindsets when it comes to training (and to the rest of my life, really, but that's a different post). There's the me that wants to be in the moment, appreciate the journey, take everything in, be at one with the universe and at peace with whatever comes my way. You know, the evolved me.

And then there's the competitive weasel me that seizes on any external marker as a way to size myself up and provide affirmation.

This struggle is evident in the story of my marathon.

I'm not disappointed AT ALL in how things ended. I am still really proud of what I did and that I was able to go after my true goal - that of enjoying the day and loving other people. But I'm writing today because I'm a little bit regretful about how things started. Not just in the day but during taper (the three weeks before the marathon when I should be resting and recovering while still keeping just active enough to stay sharp).

I had the feeling throughout those weeks that I was self-sabotaging. Not getting enough sleep. Not eating well. (I'm not going to detail the food stuff except to say that I struggled with an eating disorder for many years and still struggle sometimes with eating and how I think about eating.) Not adjusting my workouts well. And then, in the days right before the marathon, by not eating enough -- not carbo-loading well. Same thing that morning. And in the first part of the race I wasn't careful enough with my walk breaks. My breakdowns in the last five miles were very clearly related to the choices I made in the weeks of taper and in the days and hours immediately before the marathon, and my mindset going into it.

In the end I'm happy with how I handled what came up during the event itself - but things didn't need to have gotten to that place to begin with. I'm sorry I wasn't more self-aware in those last weeks. I think really I was trying to sabotage the competitive me so that I could have the experience I really wanted (and had).

But you know, wouldn't it be nice to have just chosen that course instead of tricking myself into it?

I belong to an online running group, and one of the members of that group (hello, Joel!) wrote this reflection about goals after reading my story:

I trained as best as I could, but came to the line knowing that my original stretch goals for the event were not in reach... The races themselves were more like regular training runs, but with crowds and a tight schedule. I worked my way through, so that I could wear the t-shirt, and set my next goal. I still want to keep doing them, although they have been far less fun [than his first race experience].

All of this is why I am so delighted with [Anne's] Chicago Marathon experience. I was downtown volunteering and hoped to meet her, so I was watching her times. I knew she missed her goal, and was worried when she went Facebook-silent for the rest of the day. Her recap yesterday was pure sunshine. Anne did all of the work to get to the start line, and her physical and mental fitness are not at all diminished by the fact that her pace wasn't what she hoped for. But I've been in this activity long enough to know that to let go of goals and just enjoy the experience of the run can be much harder than actually pushing all the way and meeting your time. Anne deserved her victory lap through the city, and I am inspired that she was able to take it as such, goals notwithstanding...
  
[Regarding fellow Sub-30 Group runner Lonnie St. John] ... he has shown how to keep the joy while still running with real intelligence and self-awareness... [italics mine]

That is what I want, really. To run with joy and intelligence and self-awareness. I think I am a little bit closer to this after this year's marathon. And I'm looking forward to getting closer still.

Yours truly,
Annie