Apologies and Insecurities

Half of me wants to go back and delete everything I've written here about art and not post again until I feel halfway proficient at something.

I look at my past work (mostly painting and drawing) and think, "How did I do that? No, really, how?" Such a mystery, how one mark against another resolves itself into something more.

And now I find myself mostly wanting to work in fabric --- quilting, embroidery, perhaps painting and printing too. A whole new world to feel insecure in.

Well, hopefully that last bit of self-pity is out now. One last spurt of "pardon-my-hubris-for-thinking-of-sharing-anything-at-all-and-go-gentle-on-me" before I participate in an online quilt group and start posting some of my other work.

What I've Been Doing (And Reading, And Thinking)

So what have I been doing over the last couple of months? Making gifts for people, mostly. Beaded bracelets (still in process),  card sets of quilt designs, and lots and lots of felt bird ornaments in different color combinations. And I still owe my husband a cover for his amp. (And photos, here, just waiting for time and good light to coincide.)

I do most of my sewing on the train, and the movement of my hand combined with the movement of the train and of the cityscape going by lends itself nicely to thinking...

about the question of "modern" quilting (this post is what really got me started on this), and how the word "modern" applied to painting has a pretty precise meaning which, despite my art history major, I don't know all that much about, which then sent me to the library...

and then my reading about the lives of artists has given me a better sense of the movements they were part of than any of my textbooks ever did, which makes me want to learn more...

but reading those lives shows me how little work I've actually done in my life and how ill-prepared I've been at any time to even contemplate trying to make a go of it professionally, either as an artist or off the arts.

Disheartening, yes. But at least now I've finally started, and while I don't have five hours a day to devote to becoming the next Gabrielle Münter, for example, I can spend five hours a week becoming the next me. (Oh, cheesy, I know, but still true.)

Recently read:

• Portrait of an Artist: A Biography of Georgia O'Keefe, by Laurie Lisle
• Tom and Jack: The Intertwined Lives of Thomas Hart Benton and Jackson Pollack, by Henry Adams
• Printing Fabric by Hand: Beginning Techniques, by Gisela Hein (this is so rudimentary that it's barely worth mentioning, I like the physical artifact more than anything else, some kind of odd 70's German nostalgia) 
• The American Quilt: A History of Cloth and Comfort 1750-1950, by Roderick Kiracofe & Mary Elizabeth Johnson 
• Handmade Living: A Fresh Take on Scandinavian Style, by Lotta Jansdotter

Leavened with memoirs and urban fantasy.

And currently on my reading table:

• The Revenge of Thomas Eakins, by Sidney Kirkpatrick
• How to Read a Modern Painting: Lessons from the Modern Masters, by Jon Thompson
• Basic Stitches of Embroidery: A Modern Approach, by Gisela Hein

And then many more goodies on my to-read shelf, thanks to Christmas presents and my own year-end book buying.

La, La, La!

It's been eight weeks since I ran without ITB pain.
It's been 5 weeks since I worked out in any form (not counting the literal running around and schlepping I've been doing for work). It's also been 5 weeks since I did any yoga.

I am stiff, I am slow, and I am sick (so out of breath), but today I went out and ran 3 miles (with walk breaks) and had no pain.

Hoorah!

So what have I been up to in the last eight weeks? Lots of work, lots of family, some being sick. Lots of sewing and other gift-making. Lots of thinking about how I want to use my time. Lots of reading about goal-setting and personal finance on the one hand, and modern art and quilting on the other.

I've identified some goals for the next year and I'll be writing about them soon, but for now I'm so happy to be back --- on my feet and online.

Happy New Year!

Notes on a Busy Week

Hmmm... where to start since I need to keep this short?

Thanksgiving was wonderful, and in fact all of Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful. Marvelous to have Pete's family come visit, superlative to have so much time with Buddy and The Dude, and lovely to have so much yummy yummy food. (Especially the pecan pie. I love pecan pie.)

Work is busy (surprise, surprise), but okay.

My "To Make For Christmas" to-do list has far more entries than days available, but I am oddly calm about it (right now) and enjoying every opportunity to work on them.

I had three decent workouts last week and have hopes of two this week. My IT band is not getting worse. I have decided not to stress about how much I am working out or not until the new year starts.

I have the opportunity this week to visit with a friend I have not seen in over twenty years and am grateful for that as well.

I cannot explain my calm right now other than to say I have either gotten the Christmas spirit, or some good sleep over the holiday weekend. Either way, I am grateful. I do know I am most grateful that Buddy took a nap every day over the long weekend, a gift I was not expecting.

Hope this finds all well. I doubt I will be writing much over the next few weeks.

Notes on a Low Week

I think I'll start with the positive stuff from last week, since otherwise I will probably just wallow.

The house is clean and (mostly) ready for visitors.

I got in two good workouts last week, through a combination of walking and the ergometer.

While still twingy, my ITB is not disabling, as evidenced by my ability to run (without pain) after a certain imp.

I got some good work done on my Christmas presents and really enjoyed doing so.

The bug that was threatening to fell me last week has retreated to "tolerable" status.

Work, while stressful, is still on the right side of manageable.

I am enjoying reading a couple of art books that I would not have read six weeks ago, before I decided to succumb to my artsy/crafty self.

And everyone in this household and among my closest loved ones is well and in decent health.

Okay, good enough! No need to make a similar catalog of my blues. I'll just go listen to a bunch of country music instead.

Word of the Day

Automagically.

Isn't that awesome? There is a lot these days that seems to happen automagically. How else could I be writing this and a friend in Japan reads it moments later?

My son's word on Saturday was "broken." I don't remember what particular incident prompted that, but he savored the word for the rest of the day.

And I remember being 10 and in love with the word "inquisitive."

Do you have a word for the day?

This Is Not My Week

I got scolded on the train today for talking on the phone with my parents. Like, chewed out. I was stunned, mostly because, as anyone who rides the Chicago El knows, everyone talks on the phone on the train --- I thought I was at least trying to be fairly quiet and considerate. But apparently there are different rules in play on the Brown Line at 8:00am.

I have a magnet I keep on the door to my office, to let people know I'm here even if the door is closed. My eyes keep going back to it today... I chose this quote to help me remember to be nice to people when I don't want to be, but today I think it's to remember to be nice to me:

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars.

In the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

~ Max Ehrmann

Peace to us all.