Oh Yes, That

As for the update about my efforts to not be so angry with everything, I am glad to report some success with this too. Deep breathing, inspirational reading, positive self-talk, disengaging with love, and so on. More yoga.

Wish me luck in my continued efforts.

Changing My Tune

The Chicago Half Marathon is this weekend, and I am not running it.

The Chicago Marathon is in exactly a month, and I am not running that either.

See where I'm going with this?

My training schedule has been all over the place for a while, since I haven't had any race to focus on.

Our plans for the Buster Brown Celebration Fun Run have been all over the place too, as The Dude's running season has not gone as he'd hoped. This has led to a lot of back and forth on his and my part. I'm running it on my own... no, we're running it together, but it will be short... no, I'm running it on my own again... no, together... This has been frustrating. And has contributed to the lack of focus in my training mentioned above.

However.

After spending the first six months of Buddy's life a wee bit sad, and then the next six months a wee bit angry, I have decided it is high time for an attitude adjustment. I will start doing whatever I need to --- prayer, visualizations, mantras, meditation, holy water, WHATEVER --- to be able to have a loving, more kind heart, towards myself and others, and to count my blessings and not my misfortunes.

(Side note to The Dude: sorry I wasn't on the ball with that this morning.)

So instead of mourning the races I am not doing this year (and couldn't have imagined doing six months ago anyway, hello), I will find some fun and meaningful ones to do next year (I already have some in mind). And I will set my focus on the one race I actually do have this year, the Hot Chocolate 15K, November 1. Which, while it doesn't have any particular personal meaning for me, should be a lot of fun (post-party sponsored by Hershey's, after all).

And as for tomorrow's run? Well, it is the Buster Brown Celebration FUN RUN after all. And what could be better than heading out on our favorite route, Buddy in tow, and taking time at the halfway mark to let Buddy have some fun, pushing his stroller in the grass and swinging on the swings?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Good Grief

Of course, it doesn't matter if I go to bed on time if certain infant progeny wake up at 5:15 a.m., instead of an hour later as is usual. Hmph.

Lessons From a Hard Run

A couple of weeks ago I had a lousy long run, one of those where you feel certain that you have just lost all your running ability, your best days are long behind you, and what business do you have calling yourself a runner anyway.

And really, I knew better. I made some serious mistakes heading into the run and didn't make adjustments. Looking back, I should be grateful I was able to do it, and without injury to myself. I guess that's testament both to my general hardiness, and to my bullheadedness.

So, in the spirit of learning from my mistakes - and admitting them - here are lessons from a hard run.

1. I missed my morning snack the day before (too busy at work) and then was so pleased that I'd missed a meal (since I still have a bit of crazy dieter mentality left in me) that I didn't make it up later in the day.
2. I didn't get to bed on time the night before, and haven't been getting enough sleep this month, so when I got up that morning I already felt depleted. Right then, I should have revised my training plans for the day.
3. It was HOT! Ninety-seven degrees. Given the heat, I should have a) been much more deliberate about going at a slower pace, b) planned in more frequent walking breaks, and c) changed my planned route to one more in the shade, instead of on the lakefront.

Any one of these I could have taken in stride, ha, ha, but not all three.

Since I'd already done 9 miles this season, I didn't give it the respect I should have. I finished, and I was never in any danger of heatstroke (I am at least good about keeping tabs on that), but it was not fun, and I didn't feel good afterward. And of course I went over my estimated time range, which is probably what rankled me most.

Last week was an easy week, so tomorrow will be the first long run since then, and I have 10 miles planned. I'm not worried about it going poorly, since I've had some good runs in the meantime, and conditions are much more favorable. But what I want to take away from the lousy run, and why I'm writing about it, is not to be cocky about any run, of any distance. Every run is a gift, not to be taken lightly.

And now to bed!

In Her Words...

I've been wondering how to explain why running is so important to me, and why my secret burning ambition in running is so important to me (still not ready to share that, you'll have to wait), and then I read Ironmatron's post on why she wants to qualify for the Kona Ironman. And while it's not my S.B.A.* to do a triathlon of any length, I really related to what she wrote. Especially:

"Because I don't want to look like the middle-aged mom that I am; I want to look like the twenty-year old lassie I wish I once was."

Emphasis mine. Except for me it's about feeling like the twenty-year old lassie, rather than looking like her.

I always wanted to be an athlete, and somehow, not quite sure how exactly, this is the year I decided I would be.

I've heard there's nothing like becoming a parent to get clear on what you really want. So thank you, Buddy, for giving me that extra gift, beyond your own sweet self.

*Secret Burning Ambition

Sad

My cousin buried his young son today. Z would have been three years old this October. He had the best care possible but in the end the cancer came back and killed him.

I don't know what to write. There's so much I wish was different. I think really all I can do is be sad.

Rest in peace, Z. You will be much missed.

Englewood Reserve

I went out to the Englewood Reserve to run - it's been years since I got to go trail running!

Before our trip to Ohio I hoped I could hit the trails, though I couldn't remember if the reserve was paved all the way in or not. It started with a steep paved downhill, and then a long curved drive that climbed back up, all lined with tall trees. I love hills, so even though I wasn't convinced that I would find trails I was already happy with the run. But then I got to the first open area and found trails, hoorah! I immediately took off my iPod and stashed it in my shorts – I just can’t run on trails and listen to music at the same time. It feels disrespectful somehow, never mind the fact that I've got to watch my footing. And these trails have lots of rocks, roots, and quick up-and-downs.

I ran one loop and was surprised at how short it was, so I decided to just pick a path, follow it to the end, and then find another loop to take. After a while I ended up on one path bordering the lake. Very narrow, very overgrown, lots of serrated leaves catching at my calves - I prayed that my good luck with poison ivy would continue to hold. I saw a snake, thin and writhing, right before I was on top of it – there was no room to move around so I just went over instead.

The trail got narrower and narrower (and the leaves sharper and sharper) so when there was a chance to leave I took it and ended up back on the main road. Followed a couple of different loops in that area then rejoined the trail by the river, came back to the first loop I had run and just ran that a few more times until I felt I should probably head home. Decided to run up that initial steep hill I’d run down - made it!

Heavenly. To be in all that green, to have every step different, to not worry about how fast I was going but just have my pace shift with the trail. Just my breath, my feet, and the ground I was passing over.

I don't know if I'll get back any more on this trip so I am writing this down to carry it close to me when I'm back in the land of concrete and steel.