Junk Miles

I had a very unsatisfying run this afternoon, made worse by knowing I had all these great runs over the weekend. I felt like I made dumb choices, the two main ones being that I ran on pavement in shoes that are best on the track, and I started off too fast when it really does take me a full mile to get warmed up. Plus I was kind of experimenting with my form, which might have been better to do in a more controlled setting. Like the track, say.

I thought I would try running on the sidewalks lining Lake Shore Drive (heading north from where I work up to Lincoln Park) since I enjoy walking on them and I don't like running on the lakefront that far south - but enjoying those walks did not translate to enjoying the run. Or maybe it would have if I hadn't made those aforementioned mistakes. I don't know. There was exhaust from the cars on LSD, there was sticky warm air coming off of the lake, there was construction and tourists and lots of traffic stops. Plus I don't know my way around Lincoln Park at all and was running out of time, so once I got there I pretty much just ran in a little circle so I wouldn't get lost and then turned back around into the traffic, tourists, and construction.

So much for changing things up on a workday run. On the way over I passed the track and thought, "Oh, maybe I should just run on the track, it'll be nice and breezy, it'll feel comfortable, I didn't get to at all last week, I miss it," and then I just kept going, wanting to try something new. But it takes me too long to get anywhere good from downtown, so that doesn't work for my short runs - by the time I get someplace I like I have to turn around again. So forget it. No more exploratory runs from work. I like the track and I'll just stick with it.

It probably didn't help that I had an unsatisfying day at work prior to this, no? Or that I've been feeling F-A-T? So much for all that lightness and joy I was raving on about.

In the end I was too disgusted with myself to even shower - I just wanted to come back to the office and get through the rest of the workday.

The Dude calls days like these "junk miles" and says they're useful. I don't run so many days a week that I want to have any of them be junk. But I suppose maybe I learned some things that will be useful to me later.

Like don't run downtown!

What a Week --- Part 2

Lately I've been reading the book "Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen" by Christopher McDougall, and there's lots and lots in it I could talk about, but what stayed with me this week on these tough runs is when he talks about the joy of running, how children and certain athletes and the Tarahumara Indians that he's writing about all have this profound joy in their running, a lightness in spirit, and how that ends up being a lightness in their physical running as well. And how his own running is transformed in trying to emulate that lightness.

This speaks to me because I feel that I frequently have that joy in my running - so often when I pass people on the street I see grim, intense faces (and I'm sure the same is true for me too sometimes) but so often I know I'm smiling instead.

And sometimes when the running is hard I can call on that lightness, think about being light on my feet, imagine myself breathing in light, see all my muscles and tendons and ligaments and bones being held together loosely, connecting lightly, instead of being tense or locked together --- and it helps.

I called on this for the first run with Buster in particular, both at the beginning when I wasn't yet warmed up and when it seemed impossible to do this kind of run with a stroller (remind me again why I chose to run 6 miles with a baby in tow*) - and then again at the end after I ended up running an extra mile and a half... a little bit too fast... in the sun... and was hurting, oh, just a little bit.

And that lightness carried me through.

*Why am I doing this? Because I love it, and I want to run much more, much farther, and I want to love it all the way. And if some days that means taking the baby along, well, endurance is endurance, yes? Seems like good practice for the kinds of crazy-ass races I want to run someday.

What a Week --- Part 1

It was not at all the week I was expecting, and my feelings about it have been all over the place.

Tuesday was my day off, and I had just finished some cleaning up around the house and was settling down with lunch and a book before getting ready for a nice, long, rambling run down to the lakefront and back: no watch, no goals, just go enjoy the sun, the lake, and the run. Then I heard a key in the lock. What's this? The property manager didn't say anything about a visit. Oh, it's The Dude, with Buddy, wanting to know why I haven't checked my voice mail at all this morning since Buddy IS SICK and has been sent home from daycare.

So no run that day but instead a trip to the pediatrician and figuring out which one of us will take which day off from work to stay home with him. The Dude took Wednesday, I prepared to take off Thursday if need be.

Wednesday I was still a wee bit cranky about having lost my afternoon to myself and my planned run. Looking at notes I wrote that morning I see I was planning to post about the advantages/disadvantages of only doing three runs a week, since I had missed one at that point with the likelihood not only of not making it up, but possibly missing another one as well. You know, super-concerned mom stuff.

Well, he was feeling better by then!

At four-thirty The Dude and I conferred by phone and decided Buddy should stay home another day after all - he was in good spirits but had had a bit of a fever again that afternoon. I stayed an hour later at work to get things cleared up... that went far more smoothly than expected... and by the time I left I was even looking forward to a day home with Buddy. Perhaps I could even go running with him!

Thursday Buddy was in fine form with just a sore throat. The sun was shining, the air was dry. We went to the park and I scored big time at the library, stocking up on light summer reading to fortify myself for the weekend evenings when I would be a Pitchfork widow (a three-day indie music festival here in Chicago).

And our run? Wonderful. Kind of grueling since it is harder with the stroller and I didn't quite get the hang of doing a long run with it until my second try over the weekend. Plus my wrist is not back to normal (I doubt it will heal until Buddy can both walk on his own and follow directions so that I neither have to carry nor wrestle him), and I didn't pace myself well, and I went farther out than I'd planned. BUT...

I got to see things I don't normally (in that park I usually run on the grass and am always watching my feet to make sure I don't trip): wildflowers, water fountains, and a bird and butterfly sanctuary.

I got to hear things I don't normally since I usually run with music: the wind in the leaves of the trees by the river, kids playing, Buddy ba-ba-ba-ing once he woke up.

I discovered a nice loop within that park that I can use to extend my runs when I want (and made use of this three days later when I went running with Buddy again).

I came home just in time for The Dude to take over Buddy-care and me get my ice bath and hot shower before The Dude had to head off again to rehearsal.

Plus there was the joy of getting to be Buddy's personal salt lick. He kisses me with a wide open mouth, and after my run he gave me a kiss - then drew back, made a funny face and smacked his lips a bit - then leaned right back in again for another kiss, another taste, and so on.

And having gotten to spend that day with him I started looking forward more to the weekend. Sure enough, more fun excursions and another couple of runs including a long one that was much less grueling since I'd learned the lessons of the first one. And lots of playing on the floor. I'd been a bit worried about what it would be like to take care of him now that he's mobile - no more plopping him down somewhere and knowing he'll stay put - but it's way more fun now that he can get himself around. Way more scary (I'm not telling you what he did on Monday that had my heart stop for a moment), and a bit more tiring, but more than made up for in the increased joy of being with him. So a good week after all!

9:53

That is how fast I ran a mile during my speedwork session today.

The second mile (after warming up for a mile and running my first fast one at 10:20).

And while some of you speed-bunnies out there may be scoffing, saying that you couldn't run that slow if you tied lead weights to your feet, I have never before run a mile that fast. So I am pretty well pleased.

Could 9:30 be that far behind?

Wave Bye-Bye, Buddy

Heading home today after a wonderful week in Ohio with Nana and Emma, and visits to Grandpa and Grandma. None of us want to leave.

What I will miss most (aside from Nana, Grandpa and Grandma) -

• being able to walk around with bare feet;
• watching the birds in the morning;
• sitting outside on the back patio reading with an eye on Buddy;
• sitting outside in the grass with Buddy listening to the wind in the trees;
• getting out for trail runs and hill repeats;
• going on hikes with the family;
• watching the Food Network (we don't have cable).

What Buddy will miss -

• Emma (Nana's dog);
• Bugsy and Shade (Grandpa and Grandma's dog and cat);
• grass under his feet;
• watching the birds at the feeder with Nana in the morning;
  
• concrete to practice crawling on (great traction for little toes);
• and probably a lot more than I'm not cognizant of, to the extent that he's capable of missing anything yet.

I'm already starting to tear up so I will just say "Bye-bye! We love you!"

Beautiful Day

We went to visit the Aullwood Audubon Center yesterday, and what a treat that was!

The Dude took off his shoes and pushed Buster in his new lightweight stroller through the grass and over dirt paths and gravel, with Buster kicking his legs in delight every time the road got bumpy.

We went into the woods for a nice easy hike and it was just beautiful - the sun coming through the trees, the brook trickling by, a field of ferns in the shade.

At the rose garden we startled a young deer and watched it bound across the grass into the prairie, white tail flashing.

Then up into the prairie, where we watched barn swallows swooping through the air, and the many bees buzzing over the wildflowers.

Places like this make me think of the summers spent visiting my grandmother in southwestern Germany and how I would walk up into the fields behind her house, with the sun, and the buzzing of insects, and the breeze rustling in the tall grasses.

I often wish that I lived closer to the outdoors when I visit places like this. Today I will be grateful that I do have such rich opportunities to be outside, and to share those times with people I love.

Trying Something New

I did a tempo run yesterday on the track, and it was awful and it was glorious. Awful because of the heat and humidity, glorious because I managed it despite the heat and humidity. This was the first tempo run I had done under my new program and I was nervous about my ability to do it, especially in this weather. But I got through, on pace, thanks to just enough of those beautiful moments when you feel that all is merging together perfectly to bring you, the run, and the world into blissful harmony. That, and the garden volunteer who kindly watered me when I asked him to.

For those of my non-running readers who don’t know what I’m talking about, a tempo run involves warming up at an easy pace for about 10-15 minutes, then an extended run at a middle race distance pace (that is, not as fast as you would do a 5K, but not as slow as you would a marathon), and then cooling down with an easy jog for another 10-15 minutes. The idea is that they teach your body (and mind) to run at a fast pace for a long period of time, thus getting you ready for actual racing conditions. This is something new I've been doing this year, and aside from being fun to do on its own, it has also really boosted my confidence about my abilities.

As I said, this was the first week of a new training program. I’ve been getting mine from the Runner's World Smart Coach program, and previously I had been working with one created from my 5K time of earlier this year. But as I started incorporating speedwork and tempo runs into my training, I realized I was improving much faster than I had expected, and that in fact I was finding it harder to go at the slower pace set by the program than to just go at a faster one. Was it possible that I had already improved so much as to need a new program? It seemed so - every time I changed my planned runs to go faster the transition was effortless, even at the longer distances. I was tired of the endless tinkering I was doing, and worried that I might end up "improving" my program to the point of overexertion, so after a few weeks of this I decided to recalibrate and create a new one, based on the actual speedwork I'd been doing.

Of course I worried that I was being too ambitious, but after a week it feels just right - hard enough to have to put more physical and mental effort into it, but temperate enough to feel like it's a challenge I can continue to meet, week after week. (I hate the word "moderate.") I really do need to be able to stay the course on my training - as the mother of an almost-toddler who relies on my runs to keep me happy and grounded (and pleasant to be around), I cannot afford to be injured or to burn out.

I would love to be able to do more - I read the blogs of other mother athletes and envy what they are doing. But I have a thirteen-year history of not managing to string more than two years of running together, despite my great love for it. I am determined this time to keep it going, which means, for this first year back at least, I need to keep my ambition in check. Or rather, to recognize that in order for me to realize my running ambitions, I need to maintain a steady, measured effort over the long haul, and not succumb to the allure of a fast dash out of the gate.

Because I have dreams, baby, I have dreams. And I have sat on them for thirteen years, and I am not content to sit any more.