Many people this summer, when they found out I was either training for or had run the marathon, had this reaction: "I could never do that."
I have never doubted that I could run a marathon, even back when I first started running. The question for me was always, "Do I want to run a marathon?" and, more importantly, "Do I want to enough?" Twice now I've started training to do so and realized that no, I didn't want to badly enough. I don't think there's any shame in changing your mind about a goal if in the course of striving for it you learn new things --- about what's needed, about what you're capable of, about what you're willing to do --- that make you reevaluate the worthiness of attempting it at that time.
(Of course there are limits on what any individual body can do, but I think that they are often less than we are willing to believe.)
There are other limits that we place on ourselves though, I believe mostly out of fear. One limit I have put on myself consistently is to say, "Oh, I could never make a business for myself with my art."
And why is that?
My answers are not all that good.
So, I'm going ahead and putting it out there and saying, I want to develop my artistic voice, and I want to put my work out there, and I want to make a business for myself with my art.
I don't know what that will look like right now. I do believe that it will take time to grow, and that my vision will evolve as I get back in the practice of making art and as I learn more about the business of art and as I get a better sense of where my work fits into that world.
But I do know that I am tired of coming up with reasons "this is why not", and am ready to live into "Why, yes!"
Do I want this enough?
I think I finally do.