I've been thinking about this posting for a while, a couple of months in fact, ever since Jen M. wrote about it on her blog.
The problem is, what I want to say keeps changing.
But I'm tired of thinking about what I might write about it - at this point I just want it written.
So in a nutshell...
I have struggled with my weight and eating my whole life.
I finally feel like I have a healthy relationship with food and with exercise.
Part of getting healthy with those things has included a weight gain after my last significant weight loss, which was not done well.
I've had to be okay with being heavier during the time that I got healthier, but I've always known I didn't want to stay that way. I've made inconsistent efforts over the years towards losing some of that weight (plus, you know, there's been some life stuff that's gotten in the way), but I've also been scared to commit to losing more than a portion of the weight I had put back on.
I told myself different stories in which my having lost all that weight was a bad thing - that it made me weaker, that I didn't look good, that it wasn't sustainable.
None of which is true.
The truth is, I liked how I looked back then, and I liked how I felt. For the first time in my life I felt my outsides matched my insides. And I was strong, and with some minor changes to my eating (and much healthier thinking), it would have been sustainable.
Plus, I've progressed enough in my running this year that the extra weight is now limiting me.
So I'm ready.
And, inspired by a quote from Journey to 13.1, "It's a dream until you write it down, and then it's a goal," I am writing down that I am committed to losing 25 pounds.
After that we'll see. Twenty-five pounds doesn't entirely bring me to where I was before, but it's within spitting distance of it if I decide that feels right.
Wish me luck!